Dear Webby's Humor Letter
widely read, forwarded, copied and imitated daily since 1994
Dear Webby's Humor Letter, daily since 1994
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Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, March 9 Thank you, Mike!

1411
Ophelia DingbatterIf you like my work,
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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, March 9, in 1990, Dr. Antonia Novello was sworn in as the first female and Hispanic surgeon general. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Somonauk man arrested for armed robbery in Yorkville __________________________________________________ Q No human thing is of serious importance. --- Plato (427 BC - 347 BC) There is no moral precept that does not have something inconvenient about it. --- Denis Diderot (1713 - 1784) ________________________________________________ Woman's Quote of the Day: "Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with." Men's Counter-Quote of the Day: "Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ An obstetrician sometimes saw rather unusual tattoos when working in labor and delivery. One patient had some type of fish tattoo on her abdomen. "That sure is an unusual looking whale," he commented. With a sad smile she replied, "It used to be a dolphin." ________________________________________________ Printed sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handwritten sign nearby: Window frightened. __________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single." ________________________________________________ Seen on a T-shirt: "I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That?" ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ In the men's room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it, "THINK!" The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign and right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read, "THOAP!" ___________________________________________________ Psycho-ceramics ..... the study of crackpots. __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cory J. Gorges, 27, Somonauk, Illinois, USA Somonauk man arrested for armed robbery in Yorkville A Somonauk man is under arrest after being picked up by U.S. Marshals on a warrant on Friday. The Yorkville Police Department alleges that 27-year-old Cory J. Gorges battered someone and stole their wallet back in December at a business in the 200 block of S. Bridge Street in Yorkville. Gorges is charged with armed robbery, armed violence, aggravated battery, theft, mob action, and a few more charges. Gorges is due to appear in Kendall County Court this Friday. He was listed as in custody at the Kendall County Jail in Yorkville as of Tuesday morning. Gorges's bail is set at $200,000 with $20,000 to apply. _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Dorothy Re: FB Jail DearWebby What is this "Facebook Jail" all about? Everybody mentions it, but they are all too scared to explainit. What is it? Dorothy Dear Dorothy The people who manage FaceBook believe that it is a legitimate liberal / Democrat propaganda outlet. If you post facts, that they don't like, then they hide those facts and block you for a few weeks or months. That blocking is what people call FaceBook Jail. Have FUN! DearWebby _________________________________________________ Today, March 9 1454, Amerigo Vespucci was born in Florence, Italy. Matthias Ringmann, a German mapmaker, named the American continent in his honor. 1617, The Treaty of Stolbovo ended the occupation of Northern Russia by Swedish troops. 1734, The Russians took Danzig (Gdansk) in Poland. 1745, The first carillon was shipped from England to Boston, MA. 1793, Jean Pierre Blanchard made the first balloon flight in North America. The event was witnessed by U.S. President George Washington. 1796, Napoleon Bonaparte and Josephine de Beauharnais were married. They were divorced in 1809. 1799, The U.S. Congress contracted with Simeon North, of Berlin, CT, for 500 horse pistols at the price of $6.50 each. 1812, Swedish Pomerania was seized by Napoleon. 1820, The U.S. Congress passed the Land Act that paved the way for westward expansion of North America. 1822, Charles M. Graham received the first patent for artificial teeth. 1832, Abraham Lincoln announced that he would run for a political office for the first time. He was unsuccessful in his run for a seat in the Illinois state legislature. 1839, The French Academy of Science announced the Daguerreotype photo process. 1858, Albert Potts was awarded a patent for the letter box. 1859, The National Association of Baseball Players adopted the rule that limited the size of bats to no more than 2-1/2 inches in diameter. 1860, The first Japanese ambassador to the U.S. was appointed. 1862, During the U.S. Civil War, the ironclads Monitor and Virginia (built from the remnants of the USS Merrimack fought to a draw in a five-hour battle at Hampton Roads, Virginia. 1863, General Ulysses Grant was appointed commander-in- chief of the Union forces. 1897, A patent was issued to William Spinks and William Hoskins for cue chalk. 1900, In Germany, women petition Reichstag for the right to take university entrance exams. 1905, In Egypt, U.S. archeologist Davies discovered the royal tombs of Tua and Yua. 1905, In Manchuria, Japanese troops surrounded 200,000 Russian troops that were retreating from Mudken. 1905, In Congo, Belgian Vice Gov. Costermans committed suicide following an investigation of colonial policy. 1906, In the Philippines, fifteen Americans and 600 Moros were killed in the last two days of fighting. 1909, The French National Assembly passed an income tax bill. 1910, Union men urged for a national sympathy strike for miners in Pennsylvania. 1911, The funding for five new battleships was added to the British military defense budget in preparation of WWI. 1916, Mexican raiders led by Pancho Villa attacked Columbus, New Mexico. 17 people were killed by the 1,500 horsemen. 1929, Eric Krenz became the first athlete to toss the discus over 160 feet. 1932, Eamon De Valera was elected president of the Irish Free State and pledged to abolish all loyalty to the British Crown. 1933, The U.S. Congress began its 100 days of enacting New Deal legislation. 1936, The German press warned that all Jews who vote in the upcoming elections would be arrested. 1945, During World War II, U.S. B-29 bombers launched incendiary bomb attacks against Japan. 1946, The A.F.L. accused Juan Peron of using the army to establish a dictatorship over Argentine labor. 1949, The first all-electric dining car was placed in service on the Illinois Central Railroad. 1954, WNBT-TV (now WNBC-TV), in New York, broadcast the first local color television commercials. The ad was Castro Decorators of New York City. (New York) 1956, British authorities arrested and deported Archbishop Makarios from Cyprus. He was accused of supporting terrorists. 1957, Egyptian leader Nasser barred U.N. plans to share the tolls for the use of the Suez Canal. 1959, Mattel introduced Barbie at the annual Toy Fair in New York. 1964, Production began on the first Ford Mustang. 1965, The first U.S. combat troops arrived in South Vietnam. 1967, Svetlana Alliluyeva, Josef Stalin's daughter defected to the United States. 1969, "The Smothers Brothers' Comedy Hour" was canceled by CBS-TV. 1975, Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline. 1975, Iraq launched an offensive against the rebel Kurds. 1977, About a dozen armed Hanafi Muslims invaded three buildings in Washington, DC. They killed one person and took more than 130 hostages. The siege ended two days later. 1983, The official Soviet news agency TASS says that U.S. President Reagan is full of "bellicose lunatic anti- communism." 1985, "Gone With The Wind" went on sale in video stores across the U.S. for the first time. 1986, U.S. Navy divers found the crew compartment of the space shuttle Challenger along with the remains of the astronauts. 1987, Chrysler Corporation offered to buy American Motors Corporation. 1989, The U.S. Senate rejected John Tower as a choice for a cabinet member. It was the first rejection in 30 years. 1989, In Maylasia, 30 Asian nations conferred on the issue of "boat people." 1989, In the U.S., a strike forced Eastern Airlines into bankruptcy. 1989, In the U.S., President George H.W. Bush urged for a mandatory death penalty in drug-related killings. 1990, Dr. Antonia Novello was sworn in as the first female and Hispanic surgeon general. 1993, Rodney King testified at the federal trial of four Los Angeles police officers accused of violating his civil rights. (California) 1995, The Canadian Navy arrested a Spanish trawler for illegally fishing off of Newfoundland. 2000, In Norway, the coalition government of Kjell Magne Bondevik resigned as a result of an environmental dispute. 2011, Illinois Governor Pat Quinn signed legislation that abolished the death penalty in his state, because it might discourage crime. 2023, Do smiled.
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