Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, December 13 Tonight you`ll see the Geminid meteor shower. Its an easy one. Hammock, lawn chair or mattress, sleeping bag, look straight up and northward till your eyes adjust. Then youll see them about one per minute. Because they are chunks of asteroid rock, not just the usual cometary dirty ice, the Geminids are brighter, and sometimes have color. Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida woman on drugs passes out while driving with children in back seat Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, December 13 in 1577 Five ships under the command of Sir Francis Drake left Plymouth, England, to embark on Drake's circumnavigation of the globe. The journey took almost three years. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers. --- T. S. Eliot (1888 - 1965) "By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." ---Socrates ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A new employee joins the Company, and is required to have a password setup for his computer. The boss directed a secretary to setup the password for him. The secretary asks the man for the password. The man, attempting to embrass the secretary in order to show superiority, said, "Penis." Blushed, the secretary inputted the password Penis, and re-typed it again. Then she hit enter. The whole office heard the secretary bursting out laughing as she read from the computer's screen: "Password rejected. Reason: Too short" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A doctor examines a female patient. Afterward, he takes her husband aside. "I dont want to alarm you," the doctor says, "but I don't like the way your wife looks." "Me neither, Doc," says the husband. "But she's a great cook and real good with the kids." ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." "Well," she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite because the electricity was cut off this morning." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stephanie Hammond, 28, Jacksonville, Florida Florida woman on drugs passes out while driving with children in back seat Clay County deputies say a Jacksonville woman used heroin before passing out at the wheel with her two children in the back seat. Stephanie Hammond, 28, was arrested after witnesses found her unconscious in the driver's seat on Oakleaf Plantation Parkway on Dec. 3. Shawn Vick said she was on her way home from church when she saw a car slowly moving across the intersection at Southwood Way. She said she and another neighbor pulled over. (We) threw our cars into park and literally ran and caught up to the car, Vick said. Deputies say one witness opened the door and safely stopped the car. A Clay County Sheriff's Office report said the witnesses found Hammond unconscious at the wheel. The police report said she needed CPR because she wasn't breathing. I was still on the phone with 911 and I went to check the back seat and there was a newborn and a 2-year-old in the back seat, Vick said. Vick said she and another witness waited with the children for hours. Hammond is facing two counts of child neglect. Deputies believe she injected heroin into her body while she had custody of her two children, then drove. A spoon and other items found in Hammond's car tested positive for heroin, according to the police report. Action News Jax went to Hammond's house to get her side of the story but she did not want to comment. Vick said she feels blessed to have been able to help those children. It was really the sovereignty of the Lord to have us there at this time so that we could steer her off the road, she said. A Florida Department of Children and Families spokesperson said the children are safe and being cared for by relatives as DCF investigates. The report does not say why she did not get charged with DUI. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Edith Re: What is an HTML? Dear Webby, You keep mentioning HTML. What is that? Edith Dear Edith HTML is the language or sytem used on the net to write pages. In the 80s we had all kinds of writing programs like Wang, DisplayWrite, WordPerfect, WordStar, Microsoft Word, etc. All accomplished the same thing, but went about it differently, AND none of them were able to read documents created by the other ones. So, some very bright people had some noisy temper tantrums and decided to create a brand new mark-up language, that was not based on any of the popular word processors. With Mark-Up we mean for example bolding words, changing their colors, moving pictures around, etc. Basically all the stuff that each of the word processors were doing, each with their own peculiar methods. Hyper Text Mark-up Language was created so that anybody and everybody could use it and read it. A lot of people whined and bitched a lot, because it was different than their favorite word processor. However, on the just starting Internet the word processors did not work. Initially we could just barely get text through, slowly. Using a short symbol like to turn bold on and to turn bold off was a lot smaller. Eventually, as the net got faster in the mid 90s, more and more tricks were added to the HTML, and nowadays, there is almost nothing, that you can`t do with it. The real beauty of it is that it is really easy to learn. See the "Free HTML Course" link on the side menu, that I have had there since 1994. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. "No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes," he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the hallway. Now, if only I could find my parakeet!" When Dan, a part time carpet layer and my instructor at the copper mine, told me that in the late 70s, claiming it was him, I believed him! | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig. The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, "This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!" The farmer looked puzzled and replied, "What's time to a pig?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Getting The Right Portion of Meat One way to save money on meals is to incorporate less meat into your diet. Most supermarkets have butchers available who can provide you with specific amounts of beef, chicken or seafood. For example, if you only need one chicken breast for a recipe, they can provide it for you, and it normally costs the same price per pound as you will find in the meat displays. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com font> ____________________________________________________ From Lila I sat with my infant son in front of the TV, hostage to my husband's channel-surfing. He eventually settled on an R-rated movie in which the actress was soon topless. "Honey, change the channel," I said, shielding my son's eyes. "He shouldn't see this." "It's okay." my husband replied. "He probably thinks it's the Food Network." | | Ridiculous things bought by billionaires. |
There were two good ol' boys from the South, who love to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They'd heard about it up in Canada, so they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, "We're gonna need an ice pick." So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, "We're gonna need another dozen ice picks." Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn't. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left. In about an hour, he was back. Said, "We're gonna need all the ice picks you've got." The bait man couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?" "Not very well at all," he said. "We ain't even got the boat in the water yet." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, December 13, in 1577 Five ships under the command of Sir Francis Drake left Plymouth, England, to embark on Drake's circumnavigation of the globe. The journey took almost three years. 1636 The United States National Guard was created when militia regiments were organized by the General Court of the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 1642 New Zealand was discovered by Dutch navigator Abel Tasman. 1809 The first abdominal surgical procedure was performed in Danville, KY, on Jane Todd Crawford. The operation was performed without an anesthetic. 1816 John Adamson received a patent for a dry dock. 1862 In America, an estimated 11,000 Northern soldiers were killed or wounded when Union forces were defeated by Confederates under General Robert E. Lee, at the Battle of Fredericksburg. 1883 The border between Ontario and Manitoba was established. 1884 Percy Everitt received a patent for the first coin- operated weighing machine. 1913 It was announced by authorities in Florence, Italy, that the "Mona Lisa" had been recovered. The work was stolen from the Louvre Museum in Paris in 1911. 1913 In the U.S., the Federal Reserve System was established. 1918 U.S. President Wilson arrived in France, becoming the first chief executive to visit a European country while holding office. 1921 Britain, France, Japan and the United States signed the Pacific Treaty. 1937 Japanese forces took the Chinese city of Nanking (Nanjing). An estimated 200,000 Chinese were killed over the next six weeks. The event became known as the "Rape of Nanking." 1944 During World War II, the U.S. cruiser Nashville was badly damaged in a Japanese kamikaze suicide attack. 138 people were killed in the attack. 1964 In El Paso, TX, President Johnson and Mexican President Gustavo Diaz Ordaz set off an explosion that diverted the Rio Grande River, reshaping the U.S.-Mexican border. This ended a century-old border dispute. 1966 The rights to the first four Super Bowls were sold to CBS and NBC for total of $9.5 million. 1980 Three days after a disputed general election, Uganda's President Milton Obote was returned to office. 1981 Authorities in Poland imposed martial law in an attempt to crackdown on the Solidarity labor movement. Martial law ended formally in 1983. 1982 The Sentry Armored Car Company in New York discovered that $11 million had been stolen from its headquarters overnight. It was the biggest cash theft in U.S. history. 1987 U.S. Secretary of State George Shultz told reporters in Copenhagen, Denmark, that the Reagan administration would begin making funding requests for the proposed Star Wars defense system. 1988 PLO chairman Yasser Arafat addressed the U.N. General Assembly in Geneva, where it had reconvened after the United States had refused to grant Arafat a visa to visit New York. 1988 A bankruptcy judge in Columbia, SC, ordered the assets of the troubled PTL television ministry sold to a Toronto real estate developer for $65 million. 1989 South African President F.W. de Klerk met for the first time with imprisoned African National Congress leader Nelson Mandela, at de Klerk's office in Cape Town. 1991 Five Central Asian republics of the Soviet Union agreed to join the new Commonwealth of Independent States. 1991 North Korea and South Korea signed a historic non- aggression agreement. 1993 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that people must receive a hearing before property linked to illegal drug sales can be seized. 1993 The European Community ratified a treaty creating the European Economic Area (EEA), to go into effect January 1, 1994. 1994 An American Eagle commuter plane carrying 20 people crashed short of Raleigh-Durham International Airport in North Carolina, killing 15 people. 1995 China's most influential democracy activist, Wei Jingsheng, who already had spent 16 years in prison, was sentenced to 14 more years. 1998 Puerto Rican voters rejected U.S. statehood in a non- binding referendum. 2000 U.S. Vice President Al Gore conceded the 2000 Presidential election to Texas Gov. George W. Bush. The Florida electoral votes were won by only 537 votes, which decided the election. The election had been contested up to the U.S. Supreme Court, which said that the Florida recount (supported by the Florida Supreme Court) was unconstitutional. 2000 Seven convicts, the "Texas 7," escaped from Connally Unit in Kenedy, TX, southeast of San Antonio, by overpowering civilian workers and prison employees. They fled with stolen clothing, pickup truck and 16 guns and ammunition. 2001 The U.S. government released a video tape that showed Osama bin Laden and others discussing their knowledge of the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001. 2001 U.S. President George W. Bush served formal notice to Russia that the United States was withdrawing from the 1972 Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty. 2001 Israel severed all contact with Yasser Arafat. Israel also launched air strikes and sent troops into Palestine in response to a bus ambush that killed 10 Israelis. 2001 Gunmen stormed the Indian Parliament and killed seven people and injured 18. Security forces killed the attackers during a 90-minute gunbattle. 2001 NBC-TV announced that it would begin running hard liquor commercials. NBC issued a 19-point policy that outlined the conditions for accepting liquor ads. 2001 Michael Frank Goodwin was arrested and booked on two counts of murder, one count of conspiracy and three special circumstances (lying in wait, murder for financial gain and multiple murder) in connection to the death of Mickey Thompson. Thompson and his wife Trudy were shot to death in their driveway on March 16, 1988. Thompson, known as the "Speed King," set nearly 500 auto speed endurance records including being the first person to travel more than 400 mph on land. 2017 Do smiled. |
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