Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, August 12 Thank you, Kenneth! ____________________________________________________ History: today, August 12 in 1999, Hang Thu Thi Ngyuen shot an arrow from a bow with her feet on "Guinness World Records: Primetime" and hit a target that was 16 feet and 5 inches away. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead award Michigan woman charged with performing sex acts on dog ___________________________________________________ Q An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible. --- Alfred A. Knopf Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) The price one pays for pursuing any profession or calling is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side. --- James Baldwin (1924 - 1987 You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic. --- Doris Egan ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ One day a co-worker told my friend, Stan, that she was going home early because she didn't feel well. Since Stan was just getting over something himself, he wished her well and said he hoped it wasn't something he had given her. A fellow worker piped up, "I sure hope not. She has morning sickness." ___________________________________________________ "Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced into the room, "I want you to tell me very frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you." "First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds in your lower half. Second, you should use only about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick as you did this morning. And third, I'm an artist - the doctor's office is on the next floor." ___________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Just think, if it weren't for women to tell them different, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. ____________________________________________________ Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip. They spend a fortune renting all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. The first day they go fishing,but don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day and the third . This goes on until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish. While driving home One guy turns to the other ... "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us nearly $1500?" The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!" ____________________________________________________ A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!" The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Heyyy!Stop! I'm on the wrong bus! I don't wanna go where SHE goes!" ______________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! ____________________________________________________ Canmore, Alberta, Canada ___________________________________________________ Supposedly real questions Asked at National Parks *Everglades National Park:* Are the alligators real? Are the baby alligators for sale? Where are all the rides? What time does the two o'clock bus leave? *Mesa Verde National Park:* Did people build this, or did Indians? Why did they build the ruins so close to the road? Do you know of any undiscovered ruins? What did they worship in the kivas--their own made-up religion? Why did the Indians decide to live in Colorado? *Carlsbad Caverns National Park:* How much of the cave is underground? So what's in the unexplored part of the cave? Does it ever rain in here? How many Ping-Pong balls would it take to fill this up? When did they build this ? *Denali National Park:* What time do you feed the bears? What's so wonderful about Wonder Lake? Can you show me where yeti lives? How often do you mow the tundra? How much does Mount McKinley weigh? *Yellowstone National Park:* Does Old Faithful erupt at night? How do you turn it on? When does the guy who turns it on get to sleep? We had no trouble finding the park entrances, but where are the exits? __________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits from: Cynthia Re: What is the purpose of PDF format? Dear Webby I find the PDF format to be a nuisance and chicanery and have hated it ever since they came up with it in the late 80s. What is the real purpose of it, aside from annoying me and extracting money from people? Cynthia Dear Cynthia You probably remember the dot matrix printers line printers from the 80s, with each one interpreting text just slightly different. Originally PDF was used to translate a whole page of individual lines into a print batch, that was then sent to the printer in one shot like a picture, instead of each line separately. That ensured that the result looked precisely the way the sender intended, not differently depending on what brand of printer was used by the recipient. If you saved a PDF file, it was basically a picture of the intended page, not text. That also ensured that the person who received the file could not mess with it and change the numbers on an invoice. Ebooks also benefitted from that. You could not copy an eBook and just change the name of the author to yours. Eventually ways were developed to put editable fields into PDF pages, and then came OCR readers, that translate entire books from PDF to regular text. Nowadays you can translate anything to PDF format, even pictures, and some scanners offer PDF as the output choice. You can also convert a PDF page to a picture format like JPG, paste a picture of your signature onto it, and save it back to PDF again. Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ Wife...lets go out and have fun tonight. Husband.....okay! but if you get home before I do, leave the hall light on. ________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock Brittany McClure, 30, TAYLOR, Michigan, USA Michigan woman charged with performing sex acts on dog In a shocking story out of Taylor, a 30-year-old woman has been charged for allegedly having sex with their dog after her ex-boyfriend said he discovered the disgusting act caught on video. Brittany McClure was arrested this week for sodomy and animal abuse against the couple's dog, Max. According to police, McClure's boyfriend turned the woman in after finding the act on surveillance cameras set up in the living room of the home. According to Det. Philip Collop, the man said he caught his ex on camera inside the home they share. "In that video, it shows defendant Brittany McClure lying on the living room floor on a mattress with a blanket. She opens the blanket and calls the dog over," Collop said in court on Wednesday. "She is heard saying good boy." He analyzed the 6-minute-long video and ultimately secured charges against her for sodomy and animal abuse with Max listed as a victim in the report. Lt. Frank Canning has been on the job for more than two decades and has never seen anything like this. "(It was) plain as day: his ex-girlfriend performing fellatio (blow job)on their dog named Max and her attempts to get Max to reciprocate," Canning said. "Kind of an interest in fetish stuff. I don't know that any justification could justify these acts. She did own up to performing these acts on Max." The dog was not hurt and Canning said is back in the care of her ex-boyfriend. She was ordered not to have any contact with animals and the judge set a bond at $100,000. Police said McClure said this was the only time she had done this. "Thankfully, the video was captured I would hate for this to become a regular thing for Max," Canning said. The cameras were installed by McClure's ex-boyfriend for surveillance reasons. ___________________________________________________ The man approached a very beautiful woman in a very large supermarket and asked, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" she asks. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere." __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work, please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today August 12, in 1676, "King Phillip's War" came to an end with the killing of Indian chief King Phillip. The war between the Indians and the Europeans lasted for two years. 1851, Isaac Singer was issued a patent on the double-headed sewing machine. 1865, Disinfectant was used for the first time during surgery by Joseph Lister. 1867, U.S. President Andrew Johnson sparked a move to impeach him when he defied Congress by suspending Secretary of War Edwin M. Stanton. 1877, Thomas Edison invented the phonograph and made the first sound recording. 1879, The first National Archery Association tournament took place in Chicago, IL. 1898, The Spanish-American War was ended with the signing of the peace protocol. The U.S. acquired Guam, Puerto Rico and the Philippines. Hawaii was also annexed. 1915, "Of Human Bondage" by William Somerset Maugham was first published. 1918, Regular airmail service began between Washington, DC, and New York City. 1937, Red Skelton appeared on network radio for the first time on the "Rudy Vallee Show" on NBC. 1939, "The Wizard of Oz" premiered in Oconomowoc, WI. Judy Garland became famous for the movie's song "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." The movie premiered in Hollywood on August 15th. 1953, The Soviet Union secretly tested its first hydrogen bomb. 1960, The balloon satellite Echo One was launched by the U.S. from Cape Canaveral, FL. It was the first communications satellite. I rememvber seeing that one go over. 1962, The Soviet Union launched Pavel Popovich into orbit. Popovich and Andrian Nikolayev, who was launch a day before, both landed on August 15. 1973, Jack Nicklaus won his 14th major golf title. The win broke the record that had been held by Bobby Jones for 50 years. 1977, The space shuttle Enterprise passed its first solo flight test. 1981, IBM unveiled its first PC. 1986, It was announced by NASA that they had selected a new rocket design for the space shuttle. The move was made in an effort at correcting the flaws that were believed to have been responsible for the Challenger disaster. 1988, The movie "The Last Temptation of Christ" opened. 1992, The U.S., Canada, and Mexico announced that the North American Free Trade Agreement had been created after 14 months of negotiations. 1993, U.S. President Clinton lifted the ban on rehiring air traffic controllers that had been fired for going on strike in 1981. 1994, Major league baseball players went on strike rather than allow team owners to limit their salaries. The strike lasted for 232 days. As a result, the World Series was wiped out for the first time in 90 years. 1998, Swiss banks agreed to pay $1.25 billion as restitution to World War II Holocaust victims. 1999, Hang Thu Thi Ngyuen shot an arrow from a bow with her feet on "Guinness World Records: Primetime" and hit a target that was 16 feet and 5 inches away. 2000, The Russian nuclear submarine Kursk sank and its 118- man crew died during naval exercises in the Barents Sea. 2004, The California Supreme Court voided the nearly 4,000 same-sex marriages that had been sanctioned in San Francisco earlier in the year. 2008, Russia halted its five-day assault on Georgia. 2023, Do smiled.
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