Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, May 16 _____________________________________________________ Today, May 16 in 1987 The Bobro 400 set sail from New York Harbor with 3,200 tons of garbage. The barge travelled 6,000 miles in search of a place to dump its load. It returned to New York Harbor after 8 weeks with the same load, just smellier. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: Man attacked 2 people with machete on Appalachian Trail; 1 dead  ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Rational arguments don't usually work on religious people. Otherwise, there wouldn't be religious people. --- Doris Egan Man forgives woman anything save the wit to outwit him. --- Minna Thomas Antrim In Mexico we have a word for sushi: Bait. --- Jose Simon _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Once in a corner near the fireplace, Uncle Ezra had been working industriously with a stub pencil and a piece of paper. Suddenly he looked up and smiled. He exclaimed, "Doggoned it Maw, I done learned to write." Maw got up and looked over his shoulder at the lines scrawled across the paper. "What does it say?" Maw asked. Uncle Ezra said, "I don't know, I ain't learned to read yet." ______________________________________________________`   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________ Reported by Mark Rogan   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  James L. Jordan 30, West Yarmouth, Massachusetts  Man attacked 2 people with machete on Appalachian Trail; 1 dead  
 Federal authorities say a Massachusetts man has been arrested in an attack on the Appalachian Trail that left one person dead and another severely injured. U.S. Attorney Thomas Cullen said in a news release Sunday that 30-year-old James L. Jordan of West Yarmouth, Massachusetts, was arrested early Saturday and charged with murder and assault. The Wythe County Sheriff's Office said in a statement Saturday that two hikers reported a man with a machete was attacking people. The federal release doesn't identify the weapon but describes the attack as a "deadly stabbing." Wythe County Sheriff Keith Dunagan said they got an SOS call from the male victim's phone. "That's when we went up there and that's where we located the suspect and the victim. We had our whole tact team out there, so he wisely just surrendered himself," Dunagan told WSLS. Dunagan said the woman escaped the attack and walked six miles -- while injured and bleeding -- before finding other hikers who could help. Investigators are still searching the trail, worried there could be more victims. An 18-mile stretch of the trail is closed for investigation. Authorities say the federal charges against Jordan will be filed officially on Monday and Jordan will have a first appearance in U.S. District Court in Abingdon. It wasn't clear Sunday if Jordan has an attorney. The sheriff's office said this attack is connected to another altercation on the Appalachian Trail last month. In that incident, Jordan was charged with criminal impersonation and drug possession after police said he threatened other hikers on the trail in North Carolina and Tennessee. In that incident, Jordan was released from jail, put on probation and ordered to pay fines.   From: Denise Re: Fake invitation  Dear Webby Thanks Webby for all your info and funnies. I received an email from a known email address, inviting me to join WAYN.com. Can you tell me about this WAYN.com Denny  Dear Denny Let the owner of that "known email address" tell you all about it. Stuff like that I dump instantly. If somebody is too lazy to tell me about it, but just wants to collect for finding yet another dumb sucker, then they can stuff it where the sun don't shine. Now they are probably sending out "invitations" with your address forged in. Yeah, I am an ornery old goat, but when it comes to weird sites, that attitude comes in handy. Wayne.com's stated goal is to help discover where to go and meet like-minded people. WAYN was founded in 2002. WAYN has been known to send spam emails to all contacts of its users. Others have raised concerns that they misuse users data to make money. Other sources of income include showing advertising for places a person is visiting. In summary, they sound rather sleazy and should be marked as such in your MailWasher. Have FUN! DearWebby  
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 Two elderly people are living in a Florida mobile home park. He's a widower and she's a widow. They've known each other for quite a number of years. One evening there's a community supper and these two are at the same table. As the meal goes on, he gives her a few admiring glances and finally gathers up the gumption to ask her: "Will you marry me?" After a few seconds of 'careful consideration,' she smiles: "Yes, Yes, I will!" Their meal ends and with a few more pleasant exchanges they return to their respective residences. Next morning, the old man is troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He can't remember. Try as he will, he just can't bring it back. With trepidation, he goes to the telephone and calls her. First, he explains to her that he doesn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviews their lovely evening together. As he gains a little more courage, he inquires, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?" To his great delight he hears her say "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continues, "And I am so glad that you called, dear, because I couldn't remember who had asked me!" 
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 A listener called the disc jockey on the air at our radio station to ask about the upcoming lunar eclipse. "The eclipse can be seen at 1:30 in the morning," the DJ told her. "That late?" the listener snapped. "I don't know why they don't schedule these things earlier, so kids can enjoy them too!" ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Shopping For Back To School Clothing Before shopping for clothes, take stock of what you have, starting with the oldest child first.Then make a list of the items that are needed and establish a budget. If at all possible, try to do the bulk of your back to school shopping a week after school starts. thriftyfun.Com   ____________________________________________________   
  
A Mom who taught herself to decorate cakes using artist pallet knives. 
 ___________________________________________________ After a high school basketball game, the coach spotted a cell phone lying on the floor. "Here," he said to the ref, "I think this is yours." "What makes you think it's my phone?" asked the ref. "Easy," the coach said. "It says you have ten missed calls." ___________________________________________________ >From Patty Our patient in the hospital was a big, burly former officer. Just after surgery, and still half out of it, he became agitated and confused, tearing at his IVs and trying to escape his bed. The nurses gamely attempted to keep him calm, but were losing this battle. That's when my old Air Force training came in handy. "Colonel!" I commanded. "At ease." And with that, the colonel fell back to sleep. ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 WHEN I WAS WITH the 12th Strategic Missile Squadron at Malmstrom Air Force Base at Great Falls, Mont., I overheard a lieutenant complaining to his commanding officer. It seems that a major with one child was being assigned to a four-bedroom family quarters while he, a lieutenant who had three children, was assigned to a three-bedroom unit. "In the Air Force," the colonel explained, "housing is assigned by ability, not fertility." ___________________________________________________  
 Today May 16 in 1770 Marie Antoinette, at age 14, married the future King Louis XVI of France, who was 15. 1866 The U.S. Congress authorized the first 5-cent piece to be minted. 1868 U.S. President Andrew Johnson was acquitted during the Senate impeachment, by one vote. 1879 The Treaty of Gandamak between Russia and England set up the Afghan state. 1881 In Germany, the first electric tram for the public started service. 1888 The first demonstration of recording on a flat disc was demonstrated by Emile Berliner. 1920 Joan of Arc was canonized in Rome. 1939 The Philadelphia Athletics and the Cleveland Indians met at Shibe Park in Philadelphia for the first baseball game to be played under the lights in the American League. 1946 "Annie Get Your Gun" opened on Broadway. 1946 Jack Mullin showed the world the first magnetic tape recorder. 1960 A Big Four summit in Paris collapsed due to the American U-2 spy plane incident. 1960 Theodore Maiman, at Hughes Research Laboratory in California, demonstrated the first working laser. 1963 After 22 Earth orbits Gordon Cooper returned to Earth, ending Project Mercury. 1965 Spaghetti-O's were sold for the first time. 1969 Venus 5, a Russian spacecraft, landed on the planet Venus. 1975 Japanese climber Junko Tabei became the first woman to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 1977 Five people were killed when a New York Airways helicopter, idling on top of the Pan Am Building in Manhattan, toppled over, sending a huge rotor blade flying. 1987 The Bobro 400 set sail from New York Harbor with 3,200 tons of garbage. The barge travelled 6,000 miles in search of a place to dump its load. It returned to New York Harbor after 8 weeks with the same load, just smellier. 1988 A report released by Surgeon General C. Everett Koop declared that nicotine was addictive in similar ways as heroin and cocaine. 1988 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police do not have to have a search warrant to search discarded garbage. 1991 Queen Elizabeth II became the first British monarch to address the U.S. Congress. 1992 The Endeavour space shuttle landed safely after its maiden voyage. 1996 Admiral Jeremy "Mike" Boorda, the nation's top Navy officer, died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound after some of his military awards were called into question. 1997 In Zaire, President Mobutu Sese Seko gave control of the country to rebel forces ending 32 years of autocratic rule. 2000 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was nominated to run for U.S. Senator in a safe riding in New York, after the current senator was told to resign when Hillary moved out of the White House after the Monica affair. She was the first U.S. first lady to run for public office. 2003 Adam Rich was placed on three years probation after he pled no contest to misdemeanor charges of driving under the influence and being under the influence of a controlled substance. He was also ordered to take part ina 60-day treatment program and pay about $1,200 in fines. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

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