Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, September 15  ___________________________________________________ History on this day, September 15, in 1940, The German Luftwaffe suffered the loss of 185 planes in the Battle of Britain. The change in tide forced Hitler to abandon his plans for invading Britain. ____________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award  Crook shoots himself in butt in Wilkes-Barre  ____________________________________________________ You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions. --- Senator Patrick Leahy (1940 - ), I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. --- Steve Martin (1945 - ) The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. --- Elizabeth Taylor (1932 - 2011) ___________________________________________________ Sam had been playing golf for years, and he had the finest equipment, but his technique never improved a bit. As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods. "Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend asked. "I've never had an old ball," Sam said. ____________________________________________________ A guy comes into a coffee shop & places his order, he says "I want 3 flat tires and a pair of headlights" The waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, goes to the kitchen and asks the cook, "This guy out there just ordered 3 flat tires and a pair of headlights." "What does he think, this is an auto parts store". "No" the cook says, "3 flat tires means 3 pancakes and a pair of headlights is 2 eggs sunny side up". "Oh" says the waitress. The waitress thinks about this and then she spoons>up a bowl of beans and gives it to the customer. The guy says "What are the beans for?" The waitress replys "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires and headlights, that you might want to gas up". ___________________________________________________ The new family in the neighborhood overslept, and their six- year-old daughter missed her school bus. The father, though late for work, had to drive her if she'd direct him to the school. They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more before she indicated another turn. This went on for 20 minutes - but when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only a short distance from their home. The father, much annoyed, asked his daughter why she'd led him around in such a circle. The child explained, "That's the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It's the only way I know." __________________________________________________  Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  AWilliams Stokes, Wilkes-Barre, Colorado, USA  Crook shoots himself in butt in Wilkes-Barre  WILKES-BARRE, LUZERNE CO. (WOLF) A Wilkes-Barre man shot himself in the buttocks Monday after an altercation. Wilkes-Barre City Police responded to a report of men arguing outside in the vicinity of the Blue Cross building on North Main Street when a shot was fired. Police were able to recover a spent 45 caliber casing at the scene with blood in the area. Surveillance images showed a man, identified as Williams Stokes, was involved in the argument and attempted to grab a gun in his waistband when it discharged striking him in his left butt cheek. Stokes was tracked to his residence on Union Street where police found a Colt Model IV 45 caliber handgun which was discovered to be a stolen firearm. Stokes was treated at the hospital and then transported to the Wilkes-Barre Police Headquarters where was charged and arraigned. _____________________________________________________ There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot. When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and started banging on the trailer door. The motorist went up to him and said, "I don't mean to be nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?" To which the trucker replied, "Sorry, can't talk now, I have 20 tons of canaries and a 10 ton limit, I have to keep half of them in the air all the time!" _____________________________________________________   Travis Currah Black bear June, 2022 Waterton Lakes National Park, AB _____________________________________________________ "Sir," said the timid employee to his boss, "my wife says I'm to ask you for a raise." "Fine," the boss replied. "I'll ask my wife if I can give you one." _____________________________________________________   Red Fox @ Melvin Laureano, Oyen, Alberta ___________________________________________________ BUMPER STICKERS Jesus loves you.... Everyone else thinks you're an ass. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you! I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. Hang up and drive! GUYS, no shirt, no service, GALS, no shirt, no charge. Heart attacks, God's revenge for eating his veggie friends. Your ridiculous opinion has been noted. Try not to let your mind wonder, Its too small to be out by itself. The proctologist called, they found your head. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have any film. Some people just don't know how to drive, I call these people, "EVERYBODY BUT ME!" Don't like my driving, Then quit watching me. _________________________________________________  DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Beverly Re: What kind of pictures for slide show Dear Webby, From: Beverly Re: What kind of pictures for slide show Dear Webby, what kind of pictures should I collect for my slide show? Beverly  Dear Beverly Any pictures in JPG format will do. Ideally, they should be big enough, so that they can be stretched to fill the screen. The topic is irrelevant. The screen saver is just covering up the love letters to and from your 17 lovers, while you are at Walmart. You can use the Picture Of The Day from the Humor Letter, or all the political jokes, that have been coming around, whatever you got. They are for when you are not there. You won't see them. Pick any pictures you got, preferably lage sze. Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ A teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on. He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off then it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I tuffed them in the toes of my boots." _____________________________________________________ >From Linda Two brawny men came to my house to install some new floor covering in the kitchen. Once they had moved the stove and refrigerator out of the way, it was not long before the job was done. As they were getting ready to leave, I asked them to put the heavy appliances back in place. The two men demanded $45 for this service, stating it was not in their contract. I really had no choice but to pay them. As soon as they left, however, the doorbell rang. It was the two men. They asked me to move my car, which was blocking their van. I told them my fee: $50. _____________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________  Today, September 15, in 1775 - An early and unofficial American flag was raised by Lieutenant Colonel Isaac Mott after the seizing of Fort Johnson from the British. The flag was dark blue with the white word "Liberty" spelled on it. 1776, British forces occupied New York City during the American Revolution. 1789, The U.S. Department of Foreign Affairs was renamed the Department of State. 1821, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua and El Salvador proclaimed independence. 1853, Reverend Antoinette Brown Blackwell was ordained becoming first female minister in the United States. 1857, Timothy Alder earned a patent for the typesetting machine. 1858, The first mail service begins to the Pacific Coast of the U.S. under government contract. Coaches from the Butterfield Overland Mail Company took 12 days to make the journey between Tipton, MO and San Francisco, CA. 1883, The University of Texas at Austin opened. 1909, A New York judge rule that Ford Motor Company had infringed on George Seldon's patent for the "Road Engine." The ruling was later overturned. 1909, Charles F. Kettering applied for a patent on his ignition system. His company Delco (Dayton Engineering Laboratories Company) later became a subsidiary of General Motors. 1916, During the Battle of the Somme, in France, tanks were first used in warfare when the British rolled them onto the battlefields. 1917, Alexander Kerensky proclaimed Russia to be a republic. 1923, Oklahoma was placed under martial law by Gov. John Calloway Walton due to terrorist activity by the Ku Klux Klan. After this declaration national newspapers began to expose the Klan and its criminal activities. 1928, Alexander Fleming discovered the antibiotic penicillin in the mold Penicillium notatum. 1935, The Nuremberg Laws were enacted by Nazi Germany. The act stripped all German Jews of their civil rights and the swastika was made the official symbol of Nazi Germany. 1940, The German Luftwaffe suffered the loss of 185 planes in the Battle of Britain. The change in tide forced Hitler to abandon his plans for invading Britain. 1949, "The Lone Ranger" premiered on ABC. Clayton Moore was the Lone Ranger and Jay Silverheels was Tonto. 1950, U.N. forces landed at Inchon, Korea in an attempt to relieve South Korean forces and recapture Seoul. 1953, The National Boxing Association adopted the 10-point scoring system for all of its matches. 1955, Betty Robbins became the first woman cantor. 1959, Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev arrived in the U.S. to begin a 13-day visit. 1961, The U.S. resumed underground testing of nuclear weapons. 1965, "Lost in Space" premiered on CBS TV. 1965, "Green Acres" premiered on CBS TV. 1971, Greenpeace was founded. 1978, Muhammad Ali defeated Leon Spinks to win his 3rd World Heavyweight Boxing title. 1982, The first issue of "USA Today" was published. 1983, The U.S. Senate joined the U.S. House of Representatives in their condemning of the Soviet Union for shooting down a Korean jet with 269 people onboard. 1990, France announced that it would send an additional 4,000 soldiers to the Persian Gulf. They also expelled Iraqi military attaches in Paris. 1993, The FBI announced a new national campaign concerning the crime of carjacking. 1994, U.S. President Clinton told Haiti's military leaders "Your time is up. Leave now or we will force you from power." 1995, The U.N. Fourth World Conference on Women was held in Beijing. 1997, The domain name "google.com" was registered. 1998, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei ordered the Iranian military to be on full alert and massed troops on its border with Afghanistan. 1998, It was announced that 5.9 million people read The Starr Report on the Internet. 606,000 people read the White House defense of U.S. President Clinton. 1999, The United Nations approved the deployment of a multinational peacekeeping force in East Timor. 2003, In Independence, MO, the birthplace of Ginger Rogers was designated a local landmark. The move by the Independence City Council qualified the home for historic preservation. 2012, Legoland Malaysia opened in Nusajaya, Johor, Malaysia. 2022 Do! smiled.