Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, July 22 ___________________________________________________ Today, July 22 in  1376 The legend of the Pied Piper of Hamelin leading rats out of town is said to have occurred on this date.  _____________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: Michigan Woman Asked to Wear Mask Flips Off Restaurant Workers, Drives over Officers Foot, leads chase, gets arrested  ______________________________________________________ If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) ----------Modern media is based on that _____________________________________________________ Every teenager should get a high school education, even if they do already know everything. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars. I'm not 40-something. I'm $39.95, plus shipping and handling. In the 1960s people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. _____________________________________________________   Eared Grebe taking off ___________________________________________________ Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob went straight over to Joe's place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her. Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he'd started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage and things couldn't be better. Bob thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!" ___________________________________________________  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Tammy Rose North, 66, Spring Lake, Michigan, USA 
 Michigan Woman Asked to Wear Mask Flips Off Restaurant Workers, Drives over Officers Foot, leads chase, gets arrested 
 A Michigan woman was arrested for allegedly driving over an officers foot and leading police on a chase after being asked to wear a mask Thursday.A Michigan woman was arrested for allegedly driving over an officers foot and leading police on a chase after being asked to wear a mask Thursday. The Grand Haven Department of Public Safety says a worker at the Jets Pizza on north Beacon Boulevard near Jackson Street asked North to put on a mask as required by state mandate at which point she became angry. Authorities say she put her hands underneath the plexiglass barrier at the counter, raise [sic] both middle fingers and cursed at employees. She then allegedly kicked a fellow customer when he tried to step in. In the parking lot, Grand Haven Department of Public Safety Officer Everardo Pedroza Jr. arrived to investigate, and as North was getting into her pickup truck, he told her to stop, according to MLive.com. However, she did not obey his command and backed up her truck, rolling it over his foot, then left the lot. Pedroza and other officers then gave chase but terminated the pursuit at U.S. 31 and Sternberg Road. North later was arrested by Fruitport Township police, the outlet noted. Pedroza was taken to North Ottawa Community Hospital and treated for a foot injury and was expected to recover. Norths bond was set at $25,000, according to the WGN 9 report. On July 10, Gov. Gretchen Whitmer (D) issued an executive order that said businesses must deny service to patrons not wearing a mask, Breitbart News reported. The expensive part will be running over the cop's foot and the high speed chase. She will find out the hard way that mug shots are not for her dating app.  
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Kendra RE: What to do if testing hot?   Dear Webby, My nose is cool, but my hubby's nose is hot and dry. We can't afford the fancy medicine that Trump used, and our doctor won't prescribe it anyway. Now what? Kendra  Dear Kendra Get both your hubby and yourself tested at the hospital or a mobile testing station. The sooner you get listed, the higher up you will be on waiting lists for anything from vaccination to ventilators. Step 2 is to stock up on 2 weeks worth of food and necessities, and go on house arrest. Self Isolate. Quarantine, whatever you call it. Step 3 is to get a big bag of grapefruit. Peel a couple, and simmer the rinds for a couple hours or more. Strain the juice, add some honey while it is still hot or very warm. It will taste bitter, like a very expensive drink. The honey will make it quite pleasant, though interesting. Drink a glass of that juice whenever you get thirsty. It contains the active ingredient of the fancy medication, that Trump used. If it is too bitter, add more honey. Try to avoid sugar or corn syrup. That medicine does not kill a virus. All it does is strengthen your immune system, and THAT will murder the virus. If you are in a hurry, make some colloidal silver water, using PURE silver and distilled water. There is plenty of literature on the net about that. Colloidal silver murders any virus or fungal infection with micro-electrical action. By the way, Colloidal Silver Water, originally from drippings in silver mines, was an ingredient in the original Holy Water. That prevented the spread of plagues and diseases when everybody dunked their nose pickers into it. Very powerful stuff! Have FUN! DearWebby 
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 Everyone in the hotel was talking about the wedding where the groom was 95 years old and the bride was only 23. The groom looked pretty feeble, and some of the guests thought that the wedding night could kill the old man, because his bride was a healthy and vivacious young woman. But the next morning, everyone was surprised to see the bride come down the main stairway slowly, step by step, and painfully bold-legged. She finally managed to hobble to the front desk. The clerk looked very concerned, and he asked the bride, "What happened to you? You look like you just got done wrestling an alligator." "Oh my God," said the bride. "He told me that he had been saving up for 75 years... ...I thought he meant his money!! And now I found out he blew all his money on the wedding!" _____________________________________________ A Pastor was called to a local nursing home to perform a wedding. An anxious old man met him at the door. The pastor sat down to counsel the old man and asked several questions. "Do you love her?" The old man replied, "Nope." "Is she a good Christian woman?" "I don't know for sure," the old man answered. "Does she have lots of money?" asked the pastor. "I doubt it." "Then why are you marrying her?" the preacher asked. "Cause she can drive at night," the old man said. ____________________________________________ My daughter-in-law Alma and grandson Eddy were digging for fishing bait in my garden. Uncovering a many-legged creature, Eddy proudly dangled it before his mother. "No, honey, he won't do for bait," his mother said. "He's not an earthworm." "He's not?" Eddy asked, his eyes wide. "What planet is he from?" 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ___________________________________________________  
 Today July 22 in 1376 The legend of the Pied Piper of Hamelin leading rats out of town is said to have occurred on this date. 1587 A second English colony was established on Roanoke Island off North Carolina. The colony vanished under mysterious circumstances. 1796 Cleveland was founded by General Moses Cleaveland. 1798 The USS Constitution was underway and out to sea for the first time since being launched on October 21, 1797. 1812 English troops under the Duke of Wellington defeated the French at the Battle of Salamanca in Spain. 1926 Babe Ruth caught a baseball at Mitchell Field in New York. The ball had been dropped from an airplane flying at 250 feet. 1933 Wiley Post ended his around-the-world flight. He had traveled 15,596 miles in 7 days, 18 hours and 45 minutes. 1943 American forces led by General George S. Patton captured Palermo, Sicily. 1955 U.S. Vice-President Richard M. Nixon chaired a cabinet meeting in Washington, DC. It was the first time that a Vice-President had carried out the task. 1975 Confederate General Robert E. Lee had his U.S. citizenship restored by the U.S. Congress. 1987 The U.S. began its policy of escorting re-flagged Kuwaiti tankers up and down the Persian Gulf to protect them from possible attack by Iran. 1998 Iran tested medium-range missiles, capable of reaching Israel or Saudi Arabia. 2000 Astronomers at the University of Arizona announced that they had found a 17th moon orbiting Jupiter. 2003 In northern Iraq, Saddam Hussein's sons Odai and Qusai died after a gunfight with U.S. forces. 2003 In Paris, France, a fire broke out near the top of the Eiffel Tower. About 4,000 visitors were evacuated and no injuries were reported. 2004 The September 11 commission's final report was released. The 575-page report concluded that hijackers exploited "deep institutional failings within our government." The report was released to White House officials the day before. 2009 The longest total solar eclipse of the 21st century, lasting up to 6 minutes and 38.8 seconds, occurred over parts of Asia and the Pacific Ocean. 2020 Do smiled. 

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