Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, July 23 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Memphis Man Steals Date's Car, Goes on Another Date Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, July 23 in 1829 William Burt patented the typographer, which was the first typewriter. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
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 Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater. --- Gail Godwin If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. --- Henry David Thoreau ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him, he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair... try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth... try them." The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ Amy and Jamie are Old Friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time. Amy is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore. "As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Amy cries. "I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day." replies Jamie. "Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Kelton Griffin, Memphis Tennessee  Memphis Man Steals Date's Car, Goes on Another Date  Police in Memphis say a man stole his date's car And drove it to a date with another woman. Police say a woman reported her car stolen after Kelton Griffin went to her house to take her on a date. WMC-TV reports that Griffin stopped at a gas station and asked the woman to get him some cigars. A police report says while she was gone, he drove off in her Volvo. Later in the same Saturday evening, another woman contacted the victim and told her that Griffin had taken her on a date. That woman led police to a drive-in movie theater, where they found the Volvo. Griffin was in the driver's seat and police arrested him and charged him with theft of property. 
  Tech Support Pits From: Elizabeth Re: What to do about spoofs  Dear Webby, The weird characters you mentioned today also come from mail written with Microsoft WEIRD and Microsoft Live Mail. There apparently ARE ways to fix that and force their crap to use standard encoding, but one would have to read the instwuckshions. That unfortunately is not fashionable with THAT crowd. Now for today's question: There is a real epidemic of spoofs coming into my mail box. I know they are just caused by a virus, or rather by people who are too stupid to protect their machines from viruses, and I don't blame ebay or PayPal or Mypostcards or Hallmark or Citibank for being spoofed about, but isn't there something that can be done about it? We can put people into space and eavesdrop on terrorists, you'd think these scammers could be nailed with today's technology! I know the government is useless and the politicians are busy trying to guarantee themselves a warm place to shit and have other prioities than the tax payers, but can't the IT industry come up with a solution? Yeah, I know, look at Vista! Some solution! In the meantime, what do YOU suggest for dealing with this unholy crap? Elizabeth  Dear Elizabeth Yes, I know that the government COULD use the spamcops to identify the scammers, but as you said, they have other priorities, and most likely some bleeding heart liberal judges would make identifying scammers just as illegal as eavesdropping on terrorists. Look how it took Russian hackers to expose Broom Hilda's crimes, which are now ignored and the witch hunt is about who might have gotten groped or laid by Trump. As mentioned before, I use Mailwasher. It recognizes those spoofs and marks them as KNOWN and to be deleted. When you hit F6 to process, it dumps them without ever downloading more than a few lines of the header. You can even make filters. For example, if you don't know anybody in Russia or Nigeria, then you can set it so that mail from there gets dumped without even showing in the list. MailWasher of course looks at the actual and hidden sender address. It completely ignores the faked one pretending to be your bank. A lot of scammers forge your own address as the sender address, even the underlying hidden address. No Problem, Mailwasher can deal with that too. I have used the same addresses since 1993, and they are probably on ever spammer's CD in the entire world. That does not bother me one bit. MailWasher takes care of them all. Have FUN DearWebby  
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 SCIENCE: BREAD IS DANGEROUS 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread- consuming households score below average on standardized tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations. 4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread. 5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat, begged for bread after as little as two days. 6. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cream cheese. 7. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey, bread-pudding person. 8. Newborn babies can choke on bread. 9. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 450 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than two minutes. 10. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless AlGorian statistical babbling. 
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 On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great- grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free pro- fessional advice. Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Unusual Wrapping Ideas Use linens or towels to wrap gifts and the wrapping will be a nice gift too. You also can use something as simple as a car washing chamois.   Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
 
 
The Theater That Shakespeare Stole
 ___________________________________________________ I had an offer from a large company and they offered to fly me out to the meeting on business class. During the return flight we were given gourmet brownies and cookies. Not hungry, I decided to save them for later, so I placed them in a sick bag. After the plane landed I got up to leave and a stewardess approached me. "Sir, would you like for me to dispose of that for you?" I said, "No thanks, I'm saving it for my kids." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replied, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to sort out all the accumulated stuff and take all the kids." ____________________________________________________  
 Today, July 23 in 1715 The first lighthouse in America was authorized for construction at Little Brewster Island, Massachusetts. 1827 The first swimming school in the U.S. opened in Boston, MA. 1829 William Burt patented the typographer, which was the first typewriter. 1877 The first municipal railroad passenger service began in Cincinnati, Ohio. 1886 Steve Brodie, a New York saloonkeeper, claimed to have made a daredevil plunge from the Brooklyn Bridge into the East River. 1904 The ice cream cone was invented by Charles E. Menches during the Louisiana Purchase Exposition in St. Louis, MO. 1914 Austria-Hungary issued an ultimatum to Serbia following the killing of Archduke Francis Ferdinand by a Serb assassin. England used that as an excuse to start World War I. 1938 The first federal game preserve was approved by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. The area was 2,000 acres in Utah. 1945 The first passenger train observation car was placed in service by the Chicago, Burlington and Quincy Railroad. 1952 Egyptian military officers led by Gamal Abdel Nasser overthrew King Farouk I. 1954 A law was passed that stated "The Secretary of the Navy is authorized to repair, equip, and restore the United States Ship Constitution, as far as may be practicable, to her original appearance, but not for active service, and thereafter to maintain the United States Ship Constitution at Boston, Massachusetts." 1958 The submarine Nautilus departed from Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, under orders to conduct "Operation Sunshine." The mission was to be the first vessel to cross under the north pole by ship. The Nautilus achieved the goal on August 3, 1958. 1962 The "Telstar" communications satellite sent the first live TV broadcast to Europe. 1972 Eddie Merckx of Belgium won his fourth consecutive Tour de France bicycling competition. 1972 The U.S. launched Landsat 1 (ERTS-1). It was the first Earth- resources satellite. 1984 Miss America, Vanessa Williams, turned in her crown after it had been discovered that nude photos of her had appeared in "Penthouse" magazine. She was the first to resign the title. 1985 Commodore unveiled the personal computer Amiga 1000. 1986 Britain's Prince Andrew married Sarah Ferguson at Westminster Abbey in London. They divorced in 1996. 1998 U.S. scientists at the University of Hawaii turned out more than 50 "carbon-copy" mice, with a cloning technique. 2000 Lance Armstrong won his second Tour de France. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

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