Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, February 7 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! ___________________________________________________ Today, February 7 in 1962 The U.S. government banned all Cuban imports and re- export of U.S. products to Cuba from other countries. ______________________________________________________ The penalty for success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you. --- Nancy Astor (1879 - 1964) Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. --- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915) ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Police Find Illegal Narcotics Stash Inside Pouch Labeled "Bag Full Of Drugs" __________________________________________ Style and fashion intrude into all walks of our lives. Two fellows who had been rivals all their lives followed different career paths. One eventually became an Admiral in the Navy, the other went into the Catholic Church and became a Bishop. As fate would have it, they happened to meet at the Airport. The Bishop spied the Admiral first and said loudly, "Oh Porter, from what gate is the flight to Dallas leaving?" The Admiral approached, bowed, and said "Gate 7 Madame, but should you be traveling in your condition ?" __________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for sending me this picture: __________________________________________ My Parents had not been out together in quite some time. One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her. "Would you like to go out, girl?" he asked. Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, "Oh, yes, I'd love to!" They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until the end of it that Dad confessed. His question had actually been directed to the family dog, lying near Mom's feet on the kitchen floor. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ian Simmons, 34, Orlando Joshua Reinhardt, 34,Windermere, Florida Police Find Illegal Narcotics Stash Inside Pouch Labeled "Bag Full Of Drugs" After pulling a car over for speeding late Saturday afternoon, Florida cops searched the vehicle and discovered an array of narcotics--cocaine, Ecstasy, meth, fentanyl, and GHB--stashed inside a pouch labeled Bag Full Of Drugs, investigators report. According to police, the 2020 Kia was being driven by Ian Simmons, a 34-year-old Orlando resident. The only passenger in the sedan was Joshua Reinhardt, 34, who lives in Windermere, a town outside Orlando. The auto was pulled over on Interstate 10 in the states northwestern corner. The above police photos show the narcotics, drug paraphernalia, and Bag Full Of Drugs bags seized by state troopers and Santa Rosa County Sheriffs Office deputies. Simmons and Reinhardt (seen below) were each arrested on multiple felony drug charges and booked into the county jail, where they are both locked up in lieu of $117,000 bond. Reinhardt was sentenced to two years probation in September 2018 in connection with a grand theft conviction for stealing $1500 from a Kohls department store where he worked as an assistant manager. His rap sheet also includes a 2010 drunk driving conviction in Nevada. The Bag Full Of Drugs bags, which measure 12.5 x 8.5, are available online for $22.99. The pouches are perfect for travel, carrying tech gear and tablets, art supplies and cosmetics, according to one retailer, who adds that, There's nothing more fun than walking around town with your ironic bag full of drugs. Perfect for getting a laugh or a stare out of passers by and to take advantage and poke fun at profilers looking to judge you for you amazing swag. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Jackie Re: What to do with forwarding requests Dear Webby I keep getting all kinds of silly requests to forward stuff, anything from prayers to health related stuff. What should I do with that? The problem is, some of that is from otherwise good people or work colleagues, that I can't block. Jackie Dear Jackie Make a list of their addresses, then put them all into your address book uner one common "Nickname", for example "Ninnie". When you put "Ninnie" into the BCC, the email program will expand all those addresses. Now forward all those silly forwarding requests to ninnie@yahoo.com, and BCC them to Ninnie. All 175 ninnies will get that prayer request or whatever. Of course, also change the FROM address. Eventually they will realize how silly they have been and will stop doing that. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. "Advice Column About Pregnancy" Part I Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs? A. Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all. Q. What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant? A. Have sex once a year. Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving? A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant. Q. My blood type is O-positive and my husband's is A-negative. What if my baby is born, say, type AB-positive? A. Then the jig is up. Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this? A. Your therapist. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ "Advice Column About Pregnancy...." Part II Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A. With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu? A. If it's the flu, you'll get better. Q. My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and genes for big noses are dominant, my baby will have a big nose as well. Is this true? A. The odds are greater that your brother will have a fat lip. Q. Since I became pregnant, My breasts, rear end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy? A. Yes, your bladder. Q. Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't been able to go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving? A. Depends on what you're doing with them. Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why? A. Cause you're fatter then they are. Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A. So what's your question, dip-poop? Q. Will I love my dog less when the baby is born? A. No, but your husband might get on your nerves. Q. Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring on labor? A. When the sex is between your husband and another woman. Q. What's the difference between a nine- months pregnant woman and a Playboy centerfold? A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him. ___________________________________________________ Arnold: "Doc, I had the worst dream of my life last night. I dreamed I was with twelve of the most beautiful chorus girls in the world. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, all dancing in a row..." Psychiatrist: "Hold it, Arnold. That doesn't sound so terrible." Arnold: "Oh yeah? In the dream, I was the third girl from the end..." Arnold: "Doc, I had the worst dream of my life last night. I dreamed I was with twelve of the most beautiful chorus girls in the world. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, all dancing in a row..." Psychiatrist: "Hold it, Arnold. That doesn't sound so terrible." Arnold: "Oh yeah? In the dream, I was the third girl from the end..." ____________________________________________ | No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today February 7 in 1877 The first Guernsey Cattle Club was organized in New York City. 1882 The last bareknuckle fight for the heavyweight boxing championship took place in Mississippi City. 1893 Elisha Gray patented a machine called the telautograph. It automatically signed autographs to documents. 1913 The Turks lost 5,000 men in a battle with the Bulgarian army in Gallipoli. 1922 DeWitt and Lila Acheson Wallace offered 5,000 copies of "Reader's Digest" magazine for the first time. 1943 The U.S. government announced that shoe rationing would go into effect in two days. 1944 During World War II, the Germans launched a counteroffensive at Anzio, Italy. 1962 The U.S. government banned all Cuban imports and re- export of U.S. products to Cuba from other countries. 1974 The nation of Grenada gained independence from Britain. 1976 Darryl Sittler (Toronto Maple Leafs) set a National Hockey League (NHL) record when he scored 10 points in a game against the Boston Bruins. He scored six goals and four assists. 1977 Russia launched Soyuz 24. 1984 Space shuttle astronauts Bruce McCandless II and Robert L. Stewart made the first untethered space walk. 1985 "Sports Illustrated" released its annual swimsuit edition. It was the largest regular edition in the magazines history at 218 pages. 1986 Haitian President-for-Life Jean-Claude Duvalier fled his country ending 28 years of family rule. 1991 The Rev. Jean-Bertrand Aristide was sworn in as Haiti's first democratically elected president. 1999 NASA's Stardust space probe was launched. The mission was to return comet dust samples from comet Wild 2. The mission was completed on January 15, 2006 when the sample return capsule returned to Earth. 2000 California's legislature declared that February 13 would be "Charles M. Schulz Day." 2008 The Space Shuttle Atlantis launched with the mission of delivering the Columbus science laboratory to the International Space Station. 2020 Do smiled. |
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