Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, October 23 home4christmas.com is for sale! Make an offer! $50 minimum. You can use it for anything you want. Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award:  Man ate Tide Pod then destroyed $7,500 of hospital equipment  ______________________________________________________ Today, October 23 in 1929 In the U.S., the Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged starting the stock-market crash that began the Great Depression. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) CNN is one of the participants in the war. I have a fantasy where Ted Turner is elected president but refuses because he doesn't want to give up power. --- Arthur C. Clarke Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather. --- Michael Pritchard ______________________________________________________ "Hubby Pie" Can be prepared 20 years ahead. Ingredients: Crust: 1 hard-skinned hubby 1 comfortable sofa Filling: 1 TV remote control 6 pack of beer 1 packet chips (crisps) 1 family size pizza 1 large serve nacho 1 melted cheese sandwich 15 years patience lifetime of loving care 1 ounce of resignation Method: Cram one thick-skinned hubby into a well worn greased and comfortable sofa and leave to set (probably will take length of one sport show), remove from family room and bring to kitchen to finish filling. Mix TV remote control, chip packet, pizza, hotdog, nachos and cheese sandwich on a large tray. Add six pack of beer slowly (to avoid excess gas), bind with a lot of patience, loving care and resignation. Be careful to place hubby and filling carefully back in front of the TV so as not to disturb the view of the screen and leave to solidify indefinitely. Head back to your computer and have a marvellous time chatting with your online friends UNDISTURBED!!! (Or, go SHOPPING!) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you." Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot, "What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus." (Rottweilers let burglars in and do what they want, but won't let them leave.) _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ A new employee joins the Company, and is required to have a password setup for his computer. The boss directed a secretary to setup the password for him. The secretary asks the man for the password. The man, attempting to embrass the secretary in order to show superiority, said, "Penis." Blushed, the secretary, who knew what to expect, typed the password Penis, and re-typed it again. Then she hit enter. The whole office heard the secretary bursting out screaming laughters as a reaction from the computer's screen: "Password rejected. Reason: Too short" ______________________________________________________   Pennsylvania _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Justin Foster, 28, Tallahassee Florida  Florida man accused of flying to Illinois, cutting off penis of ex's new boyfriend  A Tallahassee man was jailed in Illinois and held on a $1 million bond after he reportedly flew to Chicago to confront the new boyfriend of his ex-girlfriend, the Chicago Tribune reported. Justin Foster, 28, is charged with attempted murder. He reportedly went to Atlanta and caught a flight to Chicago, where he rented a car and located a man who is allegedly dating Foster's ex-girlfriend. Foster is accused of hitting the man over the head with a tire iron before carving his initials into the man's leg. He then cut off the man's penis and threw it over a fence before leaving him in a pool of blood. The man survived, news outlets reported, but is left with permanent brain damage. A prosecutor was quoted in the Tribune and argued against granting bond to Foster: We're talking about a very heinous crime here," Assistant State's Attorney Luis Muniz said. "A monetary bond is not appropriate.  From: Fred Re: Pictures saved in wrong format  Dear Webby Quick question--- When ever I right click and save as--- to a gif- it comes up as save as a bitmap-- Whats up with that??? Im using hot mail. Fred  Dear Fred That is a sign that you don't have enough free and unused memory available for Windows to do it properly, so, in order not to completely lose the file, it saves it as a BMP. Running CrapClener or rebooting usually restores enough free memory so that it will again save pictures properly. Have FUN! DearWebby  
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 1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or no? 2. How many birthdays does the average man have? 3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28? 4. How many outs are there in an inning? 5. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister. 6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get? 7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left with? 8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an hour. How long will the pills last? 9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left? 10. How many animals of each sex did Moses bring with him on the ark? 11. A butcher in the market is 5' 10" tall. What does he weigh? 12. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen? 13. What was the President's name in 1960? =============================================== So how do you think you did in that quiz? Here are the answers.... 1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or No? Yes. It comes right after the 3rd. 2. How many birthdays does the average man have? One (1). You can only be born once. 3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28? Twelve (12). All of them have at least 28 days. 4. How many outs are there in an inning? Six (6). Don't forget there is a top and bottom to every inning. 5. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister? No. If she is a widow, he is dead. 6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get? Seventy (70). Thirty (30) divided by 1/2 is 60. 7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left with? Two (2). You take two apples...therefore, YOU have TWO apples. 8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half and hour. How long will the pills last? One hour. If you take the first pill at 1:00, the second at 1:30, and the third at 2:00, the pills have run out and only an hour has passed. 9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left? Nine (9). like I said, all BUT nine die. 10. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on his ark? None. I didn't know that Moses had an ark. 11. A butcher in the market is 5' 10" tall. What does he weigh? Meat...that is self-explanatory. 12. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen? Twelve (12). How many eggs are in a dozen? TWELVE...it's a dozen! 13. What was the President's name in 1960? Donald Trump. As far as I know, he hasn't changed his name. 
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 A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. "Why do we have to learn this stuff?" one young man blurted out. "To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture. A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word and then continued. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Keeping Brown Sugar Soft Cleaning Walls Use a long handled sponge mop to clean your walls. It makes it easier to reach the high parts of your walls and it also can be used on ceilings. Be careful using a sponge mop on thick, popcorn textured ceilings or rough wall surfaces. It will quickly tear up the sponge.  You have to protect everything with drop sheets (cheap plastic from paint supply stores). Then you can use a pressure washer and thoroughly clean textured ceilings. Pressure washers usually have a soap admixture tank, that you can fill with dish soap and set the strength, for example 2 drops per gallon. You can rent pressure washers at Home Depot and even some grocery stores. Have FUN! DearWebby  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
 
 
I'll bet she's popular at Halloween! 
 ___________________________________________________ In one epsiode of "Cheers", Cliff is seated at the bar describing the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here it is, for your enjoyment: "Well, you see Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the heard is hunted, it is the lowest and weakest onles at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and heald of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A sergeant was passing the barracks after lights out, when he heard some voices from inside. He slammed open the door, and screamed: Listen, you guys! A few minutes ago, you all heard me say good night. What you must realize, is that when I say "Good Night," what I really mean is "Shut up!!!" The room instantly fell silent. But after a few seconds, a small voice could be heard from somewhere in the far back of the dark room: "Good Night, Sergeant"  
 Today October 23 in 1864 During the U.S. Civil War, Union forces led by Gen. Samuel R. Curtis defeated the Confederate forces in Missouri that were under Gen. Stirling Price. 1910 Blanche S. Scott became the first American woman to make a public solo airplane flight in the United States. 1915 Approximately 25,000 women demanded the right to vote with a march in New York City, NY. 1929 In the U.S., the Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged starting the stock-market crash that began the Great Depression. 1942 During World War II, the British began a major offensive against Axis forces at El Alamein, Egypt. 1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf began. 1946 The United Nations General Assembly convened in New York for the first time. 1956 Hungarian citizens began an uprising against Soviet occupation. On November 4, 1956 Soviet forces enter Hungary and eventually suppress the uprising. 1956 NBC broadcasted the first videotape recording. The tape of Jonathan Winters was seen coast to coast in the U.S. 1958 Russian poet and novelist Boris Pasternak was awarded the Nobel Prize for literature. He was forced to refuse the honor due to negative Soviet reaction. Pasternak won the award for writing "Dr. Zhivago". 1962 During the Cuban Missile Crisis, the U.S. naval "quarantine" of Cuba was approved by the Council of the Organization of American States (OAS). 1962 The U.S. Navy reconnaissance squadron VFP-62 began overflights of Cuba under the code name "Blue Moon." 1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and seat Communist China. 1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon agreed to turn over the subpoenaed tapes concerning the Watergate affair. 1978 China and Japan formally ended four decades of hostility when they exchanged treaty ratifications. 1985 U.S. President Reagan arrived in New York to address the U.N. General Assembly. 1989 Hungary became an independent republic, after 33 years of Soviet rule. 1992 Japanese Emperor Akihito became the first Japanese emperor to stand on Chinese soil. 1995 Russian President Boris Yeltsin and U.S. President Bill Clinton agree to a joint peacekeeping effort in the war-torn Bosnia. 1998 Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Palestinian Chairman Yasser Arafat reach a breakthrough in a land-for-peace West Bank accord. 1998 Japan nationalized its first bank since World War II. 2000 Universal Studios Consumer Products Group (USCPG) and Amblin Entertainment announced an unprecedented and exclusive three-year worldwide merchandising program with Toys "R" Us, Inc. The deal was for the rights to exclusive "E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial" merchandise starting in fall 2001. The film was scheduled for re- release in the spring of 2002. 2001 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft began orbiting Mars. In 2010, it became the longest-operating spacecraft ever sent to Mars. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

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