Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, September 20  ___________________________________________________ History on this day, september 20, in 1870, The Papal States came under the control of Italian troops, leading to the unification of Italy. ____________________________________________________ international bonehead award  Florida man accused of starving dogs, drinks detergent to try to avoid going to jail.  ____________________________________________________ I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) Isaac Asimov was the second writer, after Heinlein, to use a word processor for writing books. ___________________________________________________ A 100 year old man was having a big birthday party at his nursing home. A TV crew was there to interview the man on this special day. "Please tell our audience how you managed to live so long," as the reporter. "Well, I don't ever drink and I've never smoked," replied the old geezer. "And, I make it a point to stay away from wild women." Just then, there was a loud shriek in the hall. The crew turned to see a nurse run by, followed by an agile looking, older man. The older man carried a foul smelling cigar in one hand and a glass of whiskey in the other. As he ran by, he paused for a moment, looked at the crowd and let out a hardy, "He, he, he!" and then continued his pursuit. "What was that all about?" asked the astonished reporter. Replied the old geezer, "Please excuse my father - he gets carried away sometimes!" ____________________________________________________ A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. "Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?" "To kill my husband." "I can't sell you arsenic to kill a person!" The lady lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position. The man is her husband and the woman is the pharmacist's wife. He takes the photo and slowly nods. "Sorry, I didn't realize you had a prescription." __________________________________________________  reported by rock an international bonehead award has been earned by  Joseph Farkas, Melbourne, Florida, USA  Florida man accused of starving dogs, drinks detergent to try to avoid going to jail.  The Brevard County Sheriff said he would like to put a man under the jail instead of inside it after deputies discovered two emaciated dogs lying paralyzed next to a bag of unopened dog food inside the mans home. Sheriff Wayne Ivey says investigators went to Joseph Farkas home at the beginning of September after a concerned citizen called because they were worried about his dogs, Katie and Darcy. According to deputies, the dogs were emaciated and in a state of paralysis when they arrived. Ivey said investigators had to carry the dogs out of the house for emergency intervention and medical treatment. "Their conditions were so horrific that Katie had been paralyzed on the floor of the residence for several days and was lying in puddles of her own urine. If that wasnt bad enough, our team determined that Katie had suffered from urine scalding from laying in her own urine and not be able to escape to safety or even change her position." Ivey said Darcy was in worse shape. She was suffering from a skin condition and total emaciation. "Darcy was actually suffering paralysis due to Farkas intentional neglect and lack of compassionEssentially, Darcys organs were shutting down. Her heart was unable to circulate blood and she was just days from death when another human showed up. This was all medically determined to be caused by severe starvation. When the dogs were rescued, Katie only weighed 38 pounds and Darcy weighed only 31.6 pounds. Vets say Katie should have weighed about 50 pounds and Darcy should have weighed about 45. Ivey said a sealed bag of dog food laid against the wall, directly in view of the dogs. According to investigators it had been there for about a month. "What kind of sick, demented, cruel person does that to a helpless animal? Our vets believe the unopened bag of dog food being in immediate view of Katie and Darcy actually inflicted further suffering of mental anguish and torment in addition to the physical suffering they were already experiencing," Ivey stated. "Theres no question Farkas was intentionally starving these pups to death and he showed no remorse as he told investigators that he didnt think his dogs needed any help." Ivey said when deputies returned to the house to arrest Farkas, he refused to open the door and drank liquid detergent to avoid going to jail because he knew he would need medical attention. "Our team kicked in your door long before you could drink enough detergent to harm yourself, so you went to jailTrust me, you deserve to be under the jail, but since the law only allows me to put you in it, that will have to do." Ivey says Katie and Darcy are recovering and they are walking, running and playing. He says Darcy has been adopted and Katie should be up for adoption soon. Farkas is facing felony animal cruelty charges. I hope he rots in jail! _____________________________________________________ >From Rock Your Dr poker story reminded me of one my gramps told often, Once there was a guy trying to get a good poker game going, he had 4 players was looking for a fifth, he called an old friend and asked if hed like to come and play, that friend said he had 3 reasons why he couldnt play, he said, "First of all I have no money." His friend replied, "OK bye." _____________________________________________________   Sequoia National Park Samuel Lethier I took my father there twice and had him stand where that little man in the picture stands. It blew his mind! Those Sequoias are truly awesome. Plan to see them at least once! _____________________________________________________ My sister landed a good job with an accounting firm, and after a while she got a generous raise. The day she found out about it, her husband picked her up from work, and they stopped for ice cream. As they continued home, my sister blurted out, "Isn't it hard to believe that I have a job that pays this much money?" Just then, she went to toss the last of her ice cream cone out the window. However, they were just passing a big truck and a gust of turbulence blew it back in and stuck it to her nose. Her husband looked at her and calmly replied, "Yes, it IS amazing!" _____________________________________________________   @ Debbie Carman ___________________________________________________ These are reported to be actual test answers from various schools in the Huntsville, Alabama metropolitan area: Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed. Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U. Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section." A: The caesarean section is the red light district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport. Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning. A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. _________________________________________________  dearwebby's tech support pits From: Carl Re: When to refill ink Dear Webby, If my ink cartridge runs out of one color, is it safe to continue printing with just the other colors ? Thanks Carl  Dear Carl That depends on your printer. Some printers let you continue printing until BLACK runs out. Others get into a snit whenever the first color runs out. Your printer manual might tell you. It has been decades since I used an ink squirter, but it has always been a good policy to order more ink or toner when the first ink-out alarm shows. That way, when you do need ink, you got it. Especially nowadays, with the mail being extra slow due to Corona virus staff changes, it is a VERY good idea to have spare ink stashed at home. Have FUN! Dear Webby ___________________________________________________ A radio DJ was introducing a record. "This next one," he said, "is for Charlotte Burke, who is a hundred and eleven. Hey, Charlotte, congratulations on a ripe old age!" There was a short pause and then the DJ said in a somewhat more subdued voice, "I'm sorry, I got it wrong. This next one is for Charlotte Burke, who is ill." _____________________________________________________ >From Suzie My brother-in-law was puzzled by the odd messages left on his answering machine. Day after day, friends and family would talk and then say, "Beep." He discovered the reason for the joke when he decided to listen to his greeting. "Hi," it said. "I'm not in right now, so please leave a beep after the message." _____________________________________________ ophelia dingbatter's news no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________  today, september 20, in 1519, Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan left Spain to find a route to the Spice Islands of Indonesia. Magellan was killed during the trip, but one of his ships eventually made the journey. 1870, The Papal States came under the control of Italian troops, leading to the unification of Italy. 1881, Chester A. Arthur became the 21st president of the U.S. President James A. Garfield had died the day before. 1884, The Equal Rights Party was formed in San Francisco, CA. 1921, KDKA in Pittsburgh, PA, started a daily radio newscast. It was one of the first in the U.S. 1946, The first Cannes Film Festival premiered. The original premiere was delayed in 1939 due to World War II. 1946, WNBT-TV in New York became the first station to promote a motion picture. Scenes from "The Jolson Story" were shown. 1953, Jimmy Stewart debuted on the radio western "The Six Shooter" on NBC. 1962, James Meredith, a black student, was blocked from enrolling at the University of Mississippi by Governor Ross R. Barnett. Meredith was later admitted. 1963, U.S. President John F. Kennedy proposed a joint U.S.- Soviet expedition to the moon in a speech to the U.N. General Assembly. 1967, The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth 2 (QE2) was launched. It went out of service on November 27, 2008. 1977, The first of the "boat people" arrived in San Francisco from Southeast Asia under a new U.S. resettlement program. 1982, U.S. President Ronald Reagan announced that the U.S., France, and Italy were going to send peacekeeping troops back to Beirut. 1989, F.W. de Klerk was sworn in as president of South Africa. 1991, U.N. weapons inspectors left for Iraq in a renewed search for Iraqi weapons of mass destruction. 1995, AT&T announced that it would be splitting into three companies. The three companies were AT&T, Lucent Technologies, and NCR Corp. 1995, The U.S. House of Representatives voted to drop the national speed limit. This allowed the states to decide their own speed limits. 2022 Do! smiled.