Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, December 20 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Babysitter arrested on charges of murder for death of 2-year-old ___________________________________________________ Today, December 20 in 1803 The United States Senate ratified a treaty that included the Louisiana Territories from France for $15 million. _____________________________________________________ When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. --- Thomas Szasz _____________________________________________________ The doctor answered the phone and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. "We need a fourth for poker," said the friend. "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?" "Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "There are three doctors there already!" _____________________________________________________   Fox attacking rodent under the snow Southern Alberta ___________________________________________________ Judge: "I know you, don't I?" Defendant: "Uh, yes." Judge: "All right, tell me, how do I know you?" Defendant: "Judge, do I have to tell you?" Judge: "Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me." Defendant: "Okay, I was your bookie." ___________________________________________________  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Kirstie Flood, 29, Sandy Springs, Kansas, USA 
 Babysitter arrested on charges of murder for death of 2-year-old 
 Sandy Springs Police said Tuesday they arrested a babysitter for the death of a two-year-old child that was in her care last week. According to Sandy Springs Police, a medical call came in on December 9 for an unresponsive child in an apartment on Monterey Parkway. First responders took the child to Children's Healthcare of Atlanta where she was pronounced dead. Investigators were told the child had been in the care of Kirstie Flood, 29. An autopsy on the child showed she had suffered severe injuries that caused her death while under the care of the suspect. Flood was charged with two counts of felony murder, one count of malice murder, one count aggravated battery, and one count of first-degree cruelty to children.  
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Fanny Re: When to switch to Laser printer  Dear Webby, I know you answered his before, but I have OldTimers disease and forgot. When should I upgrade to a laser printer? I only print occasionally, but then usually a whole bunch, if the print head has not dried up. Should I buy myself one for Christmas? Fanny  Dear Fanny The cost of a print head and batch of ink cartridges is about the same as a laser printer. They have come down in price uite nicely. A laser printer never dries up. It uses a dry powder. You can let it sit for years, and after a 10 second warm-up, it will print as if you had been printing just before. With a laser printer the the cost per page is a LOT less, and considering the fact that you will never have to worry about an unused printhead drying up, a laser printer is an excellet choice. I used a DELL 1320c color laser for about a dozen years, and then replaced it with a Lexmark C 2400 about half a year ago. It surprised me by printing on both sides of the paper! Quite often invoices or payment receipts have a nuisance footer, that doesn't fit and goes onto page 2. Well, it nicely prints that nuisance footer onto the back of the page. I LIKE that! Have FUN! DearWebby 
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 A man owned a small farm in South Georgia. The Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him. "You just give me a list of your employees and tell me how much you pay them." "All right," said the farmer. "I have a hired man. Been with me for three years. I pay him $600 a week, plus room and board. I have a cook. She's been here six months. She gets $500 a week plus room and board." "Anybody else?" asked the agent as he scribbled on a note pad. "Yeah," the farmer said. "There's a half-wit here. Works about eighteen hours a day. I pay him ten dollars a week and give him chewing tobacco." "A ha!" the agent roared. "I want to talk to that half-wit!" "You're talkin' to him," said the farmer. ____________________________________________ Men Vs. Women Let's look at a few rather important topics to prove this: NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Pecker and Schmucko. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want some change back. The girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want. BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: toothpaste, toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.; The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.No man will be able to identify most of these items. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. CATS Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. THE FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting she won't change and she does. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of short people living in the house. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Every married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing, is there? LISTENING What a woman says: "C'mon...This place is a mess. You and I need to clean. Your pants are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do laundry now." What a man hears: C'MON ... blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW. ____________________________________________ Liz went into her local hardware store and bought two instant barbeques - the ones with the pictures of succulent foods on the lid. The next day, she returned one of these to the customer service desk at the store complaining that there was no food inside! The assistant patiently told her that these were just barbeque trays and that the food was not supplied with them. "Oh dear" she said, "I'd better take the other one out of the freezer then"! ____________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ___________________________________________________  
 Today December 20 in 1606 The "Susan Constant," "Godspeed" and "Discovery" set sail from London. Their landing at Jamestown, VA, was the start of the first permanent English settlement in America. 1699 Peter the Great ordered that the Russian New Year be changed from September 1 to January 1. 1790 The first successful cotton mill in the United States began operating at Pawtucket, RI. 1803 The United States Senate ratified a treaty that included the Louisiana Territories from France for $15 million. The transfer was completed with formal ceremonies in New Orleans. 1820 The state of Missouri enacted legislation to tax bachelors between the ages of 21-50 for being unmarried. The tax was $1 a year. 1860 South Carolina became the first state to secede from the American Union. 1864 Confederate forces evacuated Savannah, GA as Union Gen. William T. Sherman continued his "March to the Sea." 1879 Thomas A. Edison privately demonstrated his incandescent light at Menlo Park, NJ. 1880 New York's Broadway became known as the "Great White Way" when it was lighted by electricity. 1892 Alexander T. Brown and George Stillman patented the pneumatic tire. 1928 Mail delivery by dog sled began in Lewiston, ME. 1938 Vladimir Kosma Zworykin patented the iconoscope television system. 1946 In Indochina (Vietnam), full-scale guerrilla warfare between Vietnam partisans and French troops began. 1954 Buick Motor Company signed Jackie Gleason to one of the largest contracts ever entered into with an entertainer. Gleason agreed to produce 78 half-hour shows over a two-year period for $6,142,500. 1963 The Berlin Wall was opened for the first time to West Berliners. It was only for the holiday season. It closed again on January 6, 1964. 1973 The Spanish premier Carrero Blanco was assassinated in Madrid. 1987 More than 3,000 people were killed when the Dona Paz, a Philippine passenger ship, collided with the tanker Vector off Mindoro island, setting off a double explosion. 1989 General Noriega, Panama's former dictator, was overthrown by a United States invasion force invited by the new civilian government. The project was known as Operation Just Cause. 1990 The world's first website and server go live at CERN. The first website was http://info.cern.ch/hypertext/WWW/TheProject.html. 1994 Marcelino Corniel, a homeless man, was shot and mortally wounded by White House security officers. He had brandished a knife near the executive mansion. 1995 An American Airlines Boeing 757 en route to Cali, Colombia, crashed into a mountain, killing all but four of the 163 people aboard. 1996 Doctors reported that a Cypriot woman who had taken fertility drugs was carrying about 11 embryos. 1998 In Houston, TX, a 27-year-old woman gave birth to the only known living set of octuplets. 1999 The Vermont Supreme Court ruled that homosexual couples were entitled to the same benefits and protections as wedded couples of the opposite sex. 1999 Sovereignty over the colony of Macao was transferred from Portugal to China. 2001 The U.S. Congress passed a $20 billion package to finance the war against terrorism taking place in Afghanistan. 2001 The first British peacekeepers arrived in Afghanistan to help the nation heal after decades of war. 2020 Do smiled. 
 

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