Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, October 30 Well, I found the carefully hidden diagnostic center, even though I don't have a GPS or a Sillyphone. It is upstairs from a tattoo parlor and tattoo removal parlor, beside a massage parlor, and not near a major center. They didn't do a total stress test like the last outfit I went to a couple of years ago. They probably lost too many victims. All they did was make me lie down on a gourney and a recent import from the Phillipines, who was insecure about her language skills, -or lack thereof-, and tried to hide that by being rude and abrupt, used a hydraulic wand to spread some slimey goop on me. Whenever I tried to sneak a peek onto the screen, she instantly hit the screen saver and told me to turn away from there. I have no idea what her hysterical paranoia was about. Oh, well. That chore is done. I had rather looked forward to running till I almost passed out and then diving onto a cuddly nurse, but I sure would not call this one cuddly! Medicare is going downhill! home4christmas.com is for sale! Make an offer! $50 minimum. You can use it for anything you want. Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award: Arsenal of weapons found in truck of man passed out behind wheel in Florida ______________________________________________________ Today, October 30 in 1938 Orson Welles' "The War of the Worlds" aired on CBS radio. The belief that the realistic radio dramatization was a live news event about a Martian invasion caused panic among listeners. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
"You have a business. You didn't build that. Someone else did!" --- Barack Obama (Quoted in 2012) And the most ridiculous gem of wisdom, from the "Mother Superior of STUPID": "We just have to pass Obama's Healthcare Bill to see what's in it." --- Nancy Pelosi (Quoted March in 2010 ) ______________________________________________________ A teenaged boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy clothes says to his friend, "I don't really like to dress like this, but it keeps my parents from making me go with them to visit Aunt Helen." ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Kim Mom was getting swamped with calls from strangers. The reason? A medical billing service had launched an 800 number that was identical to hers. When she called to complain, they told her to get a new number. "I've had mine for twenty years," she pleaded. "Couldn't you change yours?" They refused. So Mom said, "Fine. From now on I'm going to tell everyone who calls that their bill is paid in full." The company got a new number the next day. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ In a cafeteria : "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria." (hand-written underneath) ~ "Socks can eat any place they want." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Goldammer, 32, Miami Beach, Floriduh Arsenal of weapons found in truck of man passed out behind wheel in Florida Police said they could smell alcohol coming from the car and the driver almost fell when they told him to get out of the vehicle. A stockpile of weapons, including loaded handguns and a semi- automatic rifle, was found in the back of a truck after Florida police found the driver passed out behind the wheel. David Goldammer, 32, was arrested after officers found him unconscious in his pickup with the engine running and parked in front of an alley in Miami Beach around 1 a.m. ET on Thursday. David GoldammerDavid GoldammerMiami-Dade Corrections Police said they could smell alcohol coming from the car and Goldammer almost fell when they told him to get out of the vehicle. Two open beer bottles were found in the truck, as well as two loaded handguns. He also had a gun in the waistband of his pants, police said. Officers ordered Goldammer to perform a field sobriety test, but he refused and was taken into custody. A search of his vehicle turned up two more loaded handguns, a semi-automatic rifle, a pocketknife with a swastika on it, a bullet-resistant vest and a large amount of ammunition. Police have not said why Goldammer, from South Dakota, had the stockpile in his car or what he was doing in the area. "What's alarming in this case is that it's the early morning hours, it's Thursday morning, and there's a man asleep at the wheel under the influence of an alcoholic beverage with an arsenal of weapons in his possession," police spokesman Ernesto Rodriguez told NBC affiliate WTVJ. "That is a deadly combination and we need to understand why he was here in Miami Beach, or South Florida for that matter." Goldammer was charged with DUI, openly carrying a weapon and carrying a concealed firearm. From: Carolyn Re: Re-using desktop background Dear Webby. I found a pretty fall picture and made it my desktop picture. I do not remember where I found it. How can I save it when I get ready to put a winter scene on my desktop. (I have a laptop) Thanks P.S. As always, I sure enjoy your newsletter!!! Carolyn/Indiana Dear Carolyn Look in MyPictures I would be wiling to bet that you saved it to there, and that Windows is serving it to the desktop from there. You can even make a screen saver from the pictures that you saved to MyPictures. Just move the ones that are not suitable to a different folder. When you select "SlideShow" as your screen saver, it uses the pictures in that folder. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad." The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked. "Exactly," replied the instructor. To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me and get me a coffee while you are up anyway." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone know what we mean by sins of omission?" A small girl replied, "Aren't those the sins we should have committed, but didn't?" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Inexpensive Artwork for Your Walls If you can't afford art prints, find some old calendars with artwork by your favorite artists and take them apart. Place them in a nice dollar store frame or use for a collage. Outdated calendars can be bought for next to nothing. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Five top destinations to see the Northern Lights. |
___________________________________________________ >From Ina On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice. Instead she sat back and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
The greatest thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe | Today October 30 in 1817 The independent government of Venezuela was established by Simon Bolivar. 1831 Escaped slave Nat Turner was apprehended in Southampton County, VA, several weeks after leading the bloodiest slave uprising in American history. 1875 The constitution of Missouri was ratified by popular vote. 1893 The U.S. Senate gave final approval to repeal the Sherman Silver Purchase Act of 1890. 1894 The time clock was patented by Daniel M. Cooper of Rochester, NY. 1938 Orson Welles' "The War of the Worlds" aired on CBS radio. The belief that the realistic radio dramatization was a live news event about a Martian invasion caused panic among listeners. 1943 In Moscow, a declaration was signed by the Governments of the Soviet Union, the United Kingdom, the United States and China called for an early establishment of an international organization to maintain peace and security. The goal was supported on December 1, 1943, at a meeting in Teheran. 1945 The U.S. government announced the end of shoe rationing. 1953 General George C. Marshall was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. 1961 The Soviet Union tested a hydrogen bomb with a force of approximately 58 megatons. 1961 The Soviet Party Congress unanimously approved an order to remove Joseph Stalin's body from Lenin's tomb. 1972 U.S. President Richard Nixon approved legislation to increase Social Security spending by $5.3 billion. 1972 In Illinois, 45 people were killed when two trains collided on Chicago's south side. 1975 Prince Juan Carlos assumed power in Spain as dictator Francisco Franco was near death. 1975 The New York Daily News ran the headline "Ford to City: Drop Dead." The headline came a day after U.S. President Gerald R. Ford said he would veto any proposed federal bailout of New York City. 1982 Portugal's constitution was revised for the first time since it was ratified on April 25, 1976. 1984 In Poland, police found the body of kidnapped pro-Solidarity priest Father Jerry Popieluszko. His death was blamed on four security officers. 1989 Mitsubishi Estate Company announced it would buy 51 percent of Rockefeller Group Inc. of New York. 1993 Martin Fettman, America's first veterinarian in space, performed the world's first animal dissections in space, while aboard the space shuttle Columbia. 1993 The United Nations deadline concerning ousted Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide passed with country's military still in control. 1995 Federalists prevailed over separatists in Quebec in a referendum concerning secession from the federation of Canada. 1998 The terrorist who hijacked a Turkish Airlines plane and the 39 people on board were killed when anti-terrorist squads raided the plane. 2018 Do smiled. |
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