Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, April 26 Thank you Jim!! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Super Fink finked himself into jail Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, April 26 in 1937 German planes attacked Guernica, Spain, during the Spanish Civil War for the Spanish nationalist government. This raid is considered one of the first to be attacks on a civilian population by a modern air force. The US followed promptly. Hemingway was opposed. He was on the communist side. However, his book "For whom the bell tolls" became a bestseller. See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A backslider suddenly began attending church faithfully on Sunday mornings instead of going fishing. The pastor was highly gratified and told him, "How wonderful it makes me feel to see you at services!" "Well, Preacher," said the fisherman, "it's a matter of choice. I'd rather hear your sermon than my wife's." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   Horny Wife _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ When I was in the fourth grade, we had the horrible Mr. Johnson as our teacher. Once he got called to the office. When he got back, he found all of us sitting absolutely still and quiet. Shocked, he asked, "Boys and girls, I've never seen anything like this. It's wonderful. But what made you all act so well behaved and quiet?" We all looked at each other and I finally raised my hand. "Well," I said, "one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you'd drop dead. We are waiting." _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Joshua L Franklin, 19, East Alton, Illinois  Super Fink finked himself into jail  An East Alton man who told police he witnessed a robbery he had actually committed was sentenced to prison. Joshua L. Franklin, 19, pleaded guilty April 16 to a robbery at Wood River Convenient Market in August 2017, and was sentenced to four years in prison. Within an hour of the crime, East Alton Police said a person matching the description of the suspect was in the lobby, wanting to report the Wood River robbery. Franklin told police he had witnessed the robbery. Officers arrived in the lobby and arrested him. Wood River Deputy Chief Dan Blunt said in August that Franklin must not have realized how good the surveillance video the store had was. When police searched Franklin's home, they found clothing, money and a weapon. No one was hurt during the robbery. Franklin's competency to stand trial was questioned, but he ultimately was found competent enough for that.   Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Where are the Attachments in Thunderbird?  Dear Webby, I have an email folder on Thunderbird with over 600 emails. Most have an adobe document attachment and/or jpgs. Is there anyway to move the attachments only ( as a group) to a folder in my documents file? Jim  Dear Jim Look for a folder called Attachments. Thunderbird is actually just Eudora yuppiefied a bit. Eudora has had a folder called Attachments since about 1990, and I would bet Thunderbird has that too. There might also be one called Embedded. Browse those two folders and see what you want to move or delete. Have FUN DearWebby    Bob and his wife Judy live in Wisconsin. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say: "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so that the snowplow can get through" Judy goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says: "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so that the snowplow can get through." Judy goes out and moves her car again. The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says: "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park........... ," then the electric power goes out. Judy is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?" With the love and understanding in his voice, like all men, who are married to beautiful women exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?" 
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 Classic: AMERICAN JOURNALISM Dan Rather, Peter Jennings, Cokie Roberts, and a tough old U.S. Marine Sergeant were all captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded. Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of hot spicy chili." The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content." Peter Jennings said, "I am Canadian, so I'd like to hear the song "O Canada" one last time." The leader nodded to a terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag Musicians and played the anthem. Jennings sighed and declared he could now die peacefully. Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end." The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said,"Now I can die happy." The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?" "Kick me in the ass," said the Marine. "What?" asked the leader. "Will you mock us in your last hour? "No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine. So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his fatigues, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine and sprayed the Iraqis with gunfire. In a flash, all the Iraqis were either dead or fleeing for their lives. As the Marine was untying Rather, Jennings , and Roberts, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them in the beginning? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass first?" "What!" replied the Marine, "And have you three assholes report that I carried out an unprovoked attack?" 
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 Back in the days when Roman galleys plied the Mediterranean, a crew of oarsmen was sweating and straining to propel the ship through high seas when the first mate appeared. "I've got good news and bad news," he says. "The good news is we've spotted an island, so the plan is to stop, drink rum, hunt a couple of wild boars, have a feast and relax with the native girls." The sailors all cheer in happiness, all but one, who asks, "And what is the bad news?" "Well," the first mate replies, "tomorrow, the captain wants to go water skiing." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Bugs from Your Car Baking soda is great for removing bugs from your car before you wash it. Just put a little soda on a wet sponge and smear it on the bugs, then wash as usual. The more bugs you have the more soda you will need. By Dyann  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________  Consider the Kansas farm couple who are sleeping early one morning when a tornado roars over their farmhouse. It lifts the roof off, picks up the bed the farmer and his wife are sleeping in, and sets them down gently in the next county. The wife begins to cry. "Don't be scared, dear," her husband says. "We're not hurt." The woman continues to cry. "I'm not scared," she says between sobs. "I'm crying because I'm happy. This is the first time in 14 years we've been out together."  
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 ___________________________________________________ A man is struck by a bus on a busy New York City street. He lies on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd, but there's no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind. "A priest, please," the injured man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a wrinkled and wizened Jewish man of advanced years. "Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for 50 years now I've lived behind St. Mary's Catholic Church on Third Avenue, and every night I've listened to the Catholic rites. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man." The policeman agrees and brings the old man over to where the man lies. The old man kneels down on the sidewalk, leans over the injured victim and intones in a solemn voice: "Under the B - 4. Under the I - 19. Under the N - 38. Under the G - 54. Under the O - 72." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, April 26 in 1478 Pazzi conspirators attacked Lorenzo and killed Giuliano de'Medici. 1514 Copernicus made his first observations of Saturn after calculating where it should be. 1607 The British established an American colony at Cape Henry, Virginia. It was the first permanent English establishment in the Western Hemisphere. 1819 The first Odd Fellows lodge in the U.S. was established in Baltimore, MD. 1865 Joseph E. Johnston surrendered the Army of Tennessee to Sherman during the American Civil War. 1865 John Wilkes Booth was killed by the U.S. Federal Cavalry. 1929 First non-stop flight from England to India was completed. 1931 NBC premiered "Lum and Abner." It was on the air for 24 years. 1937 German planes attacked Guernica, Spain, during the Spanish Civil War for the Spanish nationalist government. This raid is considered one of the first to be attacks on a civilian population by a modern air force. The US followed promptly. Hemingway was opposed. He was on the communist side. However, his book "For whom the bell tolls" became a bestseller. 1945 Marshal Henri Philippe Petain, the head of France's Vichy government during World War II, was arrested. 1964 The African nations of Tanganyika and Zanzibar merged to form Tanzania. 1968 Students seized the administration building at Ohio State University. 1985 In Argentina, a fire at a mental hospital killed 79 people and injured 247. 1986 The world's worst nuclear disaster to date occurred at Chernobyl, in Kiev. Thirty-one people died in the incident and thousands more were exposed to radioactive material. 1998 Auxiliary Bishop Juan Gerardi Conedera was bludgeoned to death two days after a report he'd compiled on atrocities during Guatemala's 36-year civil war was made public. 2002 In Erfurt, Germany, an expelled student killed 17 people at his former school. The student then killed himself. 2018 Do smiled. 
 
 

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