Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, March 9 Today's Bonehead Award:  ______________________________________________________ Today, March 9 in 1975 Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline. It still works just fine, and bears love walking on it. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 Invention is the mother of necessity. --- Thorstein Veblen (1857 - 1929) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A guy was setting on his porch, when a young man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand. "What are you selling young man?" the guy asked. "I'm not selling anything," the young man said. "I'm the Census Taker." "The what?" the man asked. "A Census Taker. We are trying to find out how many people are in the United States." "Well," the man said, "you're wasting your time with me, I lost track of that number ages ago!" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Fresh out of Army parachute school, I was about to make the first jump with my new outfit, the elite 82nd Airborne Division and I was scared. I had heard the stories about rookie jumpers who had been summarily banished from the division when their nerve failed. As soon as the green light came on, the jump master screamed, "Stand up!" but my body wouldn't obey. Then the veteran next to me came to my rescue. A look of utter contempt on his face, he took the action that enabled me to rise: he unsnapped my seat belt. ______________________________________________________   Hungry Man Dinner Tonight _____________________________________________________ 
 If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  Thanks for your votes!
 ___________________________________________________   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Braulio Mata, 31, Jose Garcia, 44, Ramon Aracena Alfe, 47, Dionell Duarte Hernandez,32, Yarly Mendoza-Delorbe, 20 ARDSLEY, Westchester County, New York  DEA Targets Alleged Drug Mill, Walks Out with Enough Drugs To Kill 2 Million People  A law enforcement raid of a residential home in Westchester County, New York, on Friday resulted in the seizure of enough fentanyl to kill about 2 million people, ABC News reported. The Drug Enforcement Agency's Tactical Diversion Squad and local police executed a search warrant in the home, which authorities believe functioned as an elaborate heroin and fentanyl mill, according to News 12 Westchester. Law enforcement discovered 6 kilos of heroin and 5 kilos of fentanyl. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says fentanyl, a synthetic opioid, is 50 times more potent than heroin and 100 times more potent than morphine. entanyl is often added to heroin, cocaine and counterfeit prescription pills without the user's knowledge, leading to overdose deaths. The suspects arrested in the raid included Braulio Mata, Jose Garcia, Ramon Aracena Alfe, Dionell Duarte Hernandez and Yarly Mendoza-Delorbe, officials told WABC. The five face charges ranging from conspiracy and possession of heroin and fentanyl to resisting arrest, News 12 said. The home's landlord told WABC he rented the house in December to a Bronx couple. The landlord claimed he had no idea about any alleged illegal activity. Neighbors told News 12 the area is normally quiet, and they were surprised to hear about the alleged drug mill. However, they say they did notice cars coming and going, News 12 reported. The fentanyl alone has the potency to kill nearly over two million people, said Ray Donovan, special agent in charge of the DEA's New York division, according to ABC News. I commend the men and women in the Task Force and Tactical Diversion Squad for their quick and efficient investigation into this organization and their diligence to the safety of the residents living nearby, Donovan said. The raid was conducted by a task force that included the DEA, Westchester County police, Orangetown police, the Rockland County Sheriff's Office, Yonkers police, and the Putnam County Sheriff's Department, ABC News noted.  
 >From Gyppo Dear Webby. Re Hank who has lost his browser passwords and has to keep signing in. It may be that he has recently started using CCleaner. If it's still on the default settings it will wipe all his cookies and he'll have to re-enter passwords each time. No problem to re-enter if you only visit a few password protected sites, but a bummer if you have a whole raft of them suddenly acting as if they've never seen you before. Gyppo  From: Ann Re: Anti Virus  Dear DearWebby I have been running AVG free addition and you likely know they now want us to pay $55.00 Us for it...If I am going to pay, and I'm willing to pay, can you tell me the best protection to pay for? Is the new AGV worth the price ? Thanks, as always for your excellant advice...I can't "click on" with out you...lol. Hugs Ann  Dear Ann I use MalwareBytes on all Webby machines. It takes care of any and all Malware. Aside from that I just use an ancient FREE Spybot0Search&Destroy, about once every second year. I don't like the new version, but the ancient version is just fine. That's it. Nothing else. Anything else just slows things down. Have Fun! DearWebby  
  Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 After the service a woman went to the preacher, "Pastor, I hope you don't take it personal that my husband walked out during your sermon." "Oh, I'm so glad you told me that, because it upset me terribly," said the preacher. "What caused him to leave, if I may ask?" "Oh he's walked in his sleep since he was a child." 
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 A burglar broke into the house of a Quaker in the middle of the night and started to rob it. The Quaker heard the noise and went downstairs with his shotgun. When he found the burglar he pointed his gun at him and said most gently, "Friend, I mean thee no harm, but thou standest where I am about to shoot!" ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Mending Holes in Screens If you have a hole in a screen door or window screen, you can mend it just like you mend a piece of clothing. Just stitch the hole shut using fine nylon thread or wire that matches the color of the screen. If it is too big to repair, you can replace the entire screen.  Thriftyfun.com   ____________________________________________________    ___________________________________________________ A guy is real drunk and gets home real late. Trying to avoid the little woman, he parks a block away from his home. He takes off his shoes as he walks up the stairs, careful not to make a noise. He quietly opens the door and tiptoes into the room, when BAM, he gets hit with a cast iron frying pan. Telling the story to a friend the next day at the local watering hole, his best friend sadly shakes his head and says: "Boy are you ignert! Now here's how I do it. When I get rip roaring drunk I go borry my buds low rider Harley and go screamin up and down my block a couple of times a hootin and a hollerin. I take the Harley raht up on the porch and then start screamin and a cussin. I slam open the door and scream, 'Hohney, Ah'm home! Let's get it on!' And you know what's amazin'? My wife is always sound asleep!!!" ___________________________________________________ "Get this," said the bloke to his mates. "Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house." "Did he get anything?" his mates asked. "Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. My wife thought it was me coming home drunk." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him. "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!" "Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked. "That's the one!" "That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?" "Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his seeing-eye guide dog bit me." ___________________________________________________  
 Today March 9 in 1454 Amerigo Vespucci was born in Florence, Italy. Matthias Ringmann, a German mapmaker, named the American continent in his honor. 1617 The Treaty of Stolbovo ended the occupation of Northern Russia by Swedish troops. 1734 The Russians took Danzig (Gdansk) in Poland. 1745 The first carillon was shipped from England to Boston, MA. 1793 Jean Pierre Blanchard made the first balloon flight in North America. The event was witnessed by U.S. President George Washington. 1796 Napoleon Bonaparte and Josephine de Beauharnais were married. They were divorced in 1809. 1799 The U.S. Congress contracted with Simeon North, of Berlin, CT, for 500 horse pistols at the price of $6.50 each. 1812 Swedish Pomerania was seized by Napoleon. 1820 The U.S. Congress passed the Land Act that paved the way for westward expansion of North America. 1822 Charles M. Graham received the first patent for artificial teeth. 1832 Abraham Lincoln announced that he would run for a political office for the first time. He was unsuccessful in his run for a seat in the Illinois state legislature. 1839 The French Academy of Science announced the Daguerreotype photo process. 1858 Albert Potts was awarded a patent for the letter box. 1859 The National Association of Baseball Players adopted the rule that limited the size of bats to no more than 2-1/2 inches in diameter. 1860 The first Japanese ambassador to the U.S. was appointed. 1862 During the U.S. Civil War, the ironclads Monitor and Virginia (built from the remnants of the USS Merrimack fought to a draw in a five-hour battle at Hampton Roads, Virginia. 1863 General Ulysses Grant was appointed commander-in-chief of the Union forces. 1897 A patent was issued to William Spinks and William Hoskins for cue chalk. 1900 In Germany, women petition Reichstag for the right to take university entrance exams. 1905 In Egypt, U.S. archeologist Davies discovered the royal tombs of Tua and Yua. 1905 In Manchuria, Japanese troops surrounded 200,000 Russian troops that were retreating from Mudken. 1905 In Congo, Belgian Vice Gov. Costermans committed suicide following an investigation of colonial policy. 1906 In the Philippines, fifteen Americans and 600 Moros were killed in the last two days of fighting. 1909 The French National Assembly passed an income tax bill. 1910 Union men urged for a national sympathy strike for miners in Pennsylvania. 1911 The funding for five new battleships was added to the British military defense budget. 1916 Mexican raiders led by Pancho Villa attacked Columbus, New Mexico. 17 people were killed by the 1,500 horsemen. 1929 Eric Krenz became the first athlete to toss the discus over 160 feet. 1932 Eamon De Valera was elected president of the Irish Free State and pledged to abolish all loyalty to the British Crown. 1933 The U.S. Congress began its 100 days of enacting New Deal legislation. 1936 The German press warned that all Jews who vote in the upcoming elections would be arrested. 1945 "Those Websters" debuted on CBS radio. 1945 During World War II, U.S. B-29 bombers launched incendiary bomb attacks against Japan. 1946 The A.F.L. accused Juan Peron of using the army to establish a dictatorship over Argentine labor. 1949 The first all-electric dining car was placed in service on the Illinois Central Railroad. 1954 WNBT-TV (now WNBC-TV), in New York, broadcast the first local color television commercials. The ad was Castro Decorators of New York City. (New York) 1956 British authorities arrested and deported Archbishop Makarios from Cyprus. He was accused of supporting terrorists. 1957 Egyptian leader Nasser barred U.N. plans to share the tolls for the use of the Suez Canal. 1959 Mattel introduced Barbie at the annual Toy Fair in New York. 1964 Production began on the first Ford Mustang. 1965 The first U.S. combat troops arrived in South Vietnam. 1967 Svetlana Alliluyeva, Josef Stalin's daughter defected to the United States. 1975 Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline. 1975 Iraq launched an offensive against the rebel Kurds. 1977 About a dozen armed Hanafi Muslims invaded three buildings in Washington, DC. They killed one person and took more than 130 hostages. The siege ended two days later. 1983 The official Soviet news agency TASS says that U.S. President Reagan is full of "bellicose lunatic anti-communism." 1985 "Gone With The Wind" went on sale in video stores across the U.S. for the first time. 1986 U.S. Navy divers found the crew compartment of the space shuttle Challenger along with the remains of the astronauts. 1987 Chrysler Corporation offered to buy American Motors Corporation. 1989 In Maylasia, 30 Asian nations conferred on the issue of "boat people." 1989 In the U.S., a strike forced Eastern Airlines into bankruptcy. 1989 In the U.S., President George H.W. Bush urged for a mandatory death penalty in drug-related killings. 1990 Dr. Antonia Novello was sworn in as the first female and Hispanic surgeon general. 1993 Rodney King testified at the federal trial of four Los Angeles police officers accused of violating his civil rights. (California) 1995 The Canadian Navy arrested a Spanish trawler for illegally fishing off of Newfoundland. 2000 In Norway, the coalition government of Kjell Magne Bondevik resigned as a result of an environmental dispute. 2011 Illinois Governor Pat Quinn signed legislation that abolished the death penalty in his state. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them
in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog