Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, January 7 Thank You, Doug! Today's Bonehead Award: Floridian who asked police to test his meth is now a wanted man on the run ______________________________________________________ Today, January 7 in 1785 French aeronaut/balloonist Jean-Pierre Blanchard successfully made the first air-crossing of the English Channel from the English coast to France. He used a coal fired hot air balloon. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. --- Christopher Hampton I passionately hate the idea of being with it, I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time. --- Orson Welles (1915 - 1985) ______________________________________________________ >From Anna As the lone female in our house, I find that certain male habits have really begun to get on my nerves. One day, I emerged from the bathroom completely exasperated when I bumped into my husband. "What is it with guys that they won't replace the toilet paper?!" I raged. "I know," he said, nodding in agreement. "I noticed that when I was in there earlier." ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The speed of light is 186,000 miles per second, or the distance a baby can crawl when you turn your back. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ >From Reg No one is more cautious than a first-time parent. After our daughter was big enough to ride on the back of my bicycle, I bought a special carrier with a seat belt and got her a little helmet. The day of the first ride I put her in the seat, double-checked all the equipment, wheeled the bike to the end of the driveway, carefully looked both ways and, swinging my leg up over the crossbar, accidentally kicked her right in the head. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Trish for this picture: Black swans in Australia _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Douglas-Kelly, 50, Hawthorne, Floriduh Floridian who asked police to test his meth is now a wanted man on the run A Floridian who actually brought methamphetamine to a police station to have it tested is now a wanted man, according to court records. Douglas Kelly, 50, was arrested last year on a felony narcotics possession charge. After posting $2500 bond, he was freed from the Putnam County jail. But when he failed to show for subsequent court hearings, a judge issued an arrest warrant for Kelly, who told police he lived in Hawthorne, a city about 15 miles east of Gainesville. Pictured above, Kelly was arrested after calling cops to say that he believed a meth dealer had rooked him. Kelly told investigators that he wanted to press charges against the dealer if a test determined that he had been given the wrong narcotics, according to a police report. Kelly explained to a Putnam County Sheriff's Office deputy that he had a violent reaction after smoking what he thought was speed, but now suspected was Flakka, the synthetic stimulant. After detailing his concerns, Kelly drove to the precinct "to have the illegal narcotics tested," deputies noted. Kelly provided cops with a piece of aluminum foil that contained a clear, crystal-like substance that tested positive for methamphetamine. When police catch up with Kelly, he will likely face a second felony rap for bail jumping. From: Elaine Re: Which browser to design for Dear DearWebby, there are so many browsers out there now that it is hard to decide for which one to design a site for. Each one seems to have a few things different, and it is too timeconsuming to study all of them. Elaine Dear Elaine If you design your pages so that they look OK on Chrome, then they will work fine for most of your visitors, no matter which browser they use. The FireFox fanatics know that some stuff doesn't work right, but they consider that a fair price to pay for religious fredom and the right to use a non-Microsoft browser. The same goes for Mac users. They know that the Safari browser has a few teeth missing and can't cope with Java as well as other browsers, but that is a battle scar that they learned to live with. As long as you don't use the newest and weirdest gimmicks, all browsers can display your stuff, if it is designed for Chrome. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. "According to a study, they found common words used by happy people are, joy, love and hopeful. And they also found common words used by other people to describe happy people. Annoying, irritating, obnoxious..." --- Jay Leno | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
DETERMINED to have one last, lazy day of fishing before Christmas vacation's end, I purposely ignored the leaky faucet and the broken gate--household projects that had awaited me all year. When my wife asked, "What are you going to do today?" I grinned and answered, "It starts with F and ends with ISH." "Oh, good," she replied. "You're finally going to FinISH up those projects." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Storing Seeds Seeds that you didn't get around to planting this year should be fine next year if stored properly. Most seeds can be stored for 3 to 4 years. The key will be storing the seeds in a cool, dry, and dark place. Keep the temperature between 40 and 50 degrees F. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Your Daily Dose of Internet |
___________________________________________________ >From Mona "WATCH OUT," I once cautioned my husband, Mike, who was driving. "Don't you see that car is braking?" Then I snapped, "Don't pass that truck -- his tire is wobbling." Mike turned on his CB and informed the trucker about his loose wheel. I had been in a nasty mood all morning because of a headache, and the incessant squealing of the CB was more than I could handle. "Why do you always get so much static?" I asked. "Because," Mike replied, "I'm married." ___________________________________________________ WHILE ATTENDING a convention, I breakfasted in a cafe, next to two gray-haired men from the same symposium. I overheard one remark, "You know, this is the first time in 40 years we've gone to one of these without our wives." His pal leaned back, contemplating what such freedom might portend. "I know," he said, laying his menu aside. "Let's have biscuits and gravy!" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
DURING OUR Marine boot-camp class on combat gear, the drill instructor told us to put on the equipment we had been issued; then he would inspect us. Soon after, a frantic recruit, helmet liner in hand, ran up to the DI. "Sir," he began, "the private's helmet liner does not fit the private's head, sir." The DI, obviously perturbed that the recruit hadn't listened to his instructions on how to adjust the liner, looked into the Marine's face. "Okay, private," he said. "This is what I want you to do. Go into the gear locker, find a new head to fit your helmet liner and use that one!" ___________________________________________________ | Today January 7 in 1558 Calais, the last English possession on mainland France, was recaptured by the French. 1610 Galileo Galilei sighted four of Jupiter's moons. He named them Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto. 1782 The Bank of North America opened in Philadelphia. It was the first commercial bank in the United States. 1785 French aeronaut/balloonist Jean-Pierre Blanchard successfully made the first air-crossing of the English Channel from the English coast to France. He used a coal fired hot air balloon. 1887 Thomas Stevens completed the first worldwide bicycle trip. He started his trip in April 1884. Stevens and his bike traveled 13,500 miles in almost three years time. 1894 W.K. Dickson received a patent for motion picture film. 1896 The "Fannie Farmer Cookbook" was published. 1904 The distress signal "CQD" was established. Two years later "SOS" became the radio distress signal because it was quicker to send by wireless radio. 1927 Transatlantic telephone service began between New York and London. 31 calls were made on this first day. 1927 In Hinckley IL, the Harlem Globetrotters played their first game. 1929 The debut of "Buck Rogers 2429 A.D." occurred in newspapers around the U.S. The title of the comic strip was later changed to "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century." 1932 Chancellor Heinrich Brning declared that Germany cannot, and will not, resume reparations payments. 1935 French Foreign Minister Pierre Laval and Italian Prime Minister Benito Mussolini signed the Italo-French agreements. 1940 "Gene Autry's Melody Ranch" debuted on CBS Radio. The show aired for 16 years. 1942 The World War II siege of Bataan began. 1949 The announcement of the first photograph of genes was shown at the University of Southern California in Los Angeles. 1953 U.S. President Harry Truman announced the development of the hydrogen bomb. 1954 The Duoscopic TV receiver was unveiled this day. The TV set allowed the watching of two different shows at the same time. 1959 The United States recognized Fidel Castro's new government in Cuba. 1975 OPEC agreed to raise crude oil prices by 10%, which began a time of world economic inflation. 1979 Vietnamese forces captured the Cambodian capital of Phnom Penh, overthrowing the Khmer Rouge government. 1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter signed legislation that authorized $1.5 billion in loans for the bail out of Chrysler Corp. 1989 Crown Prince Akihito became the emperor of Japan following the death of his father, Emperor Hirohito. 1990 The Leaning Tower of Pisa was closed to the public. The accelerated rate of "leaning" raised fears for the safety of its visitors. 1996 One of the biggest blizzards in U.S. history hit the eastern states. More than 100 deaths were later blamed on the severe weather. 1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky signed an affidavit denying that she had an affair with U.S. President Clinton. 1999 U.S. President Clinton went on trial before the Senate. It was only the second time in U.S. history that an impeached president had gone to trial. Clinton was later acquitted of perjury and obstruction of justice charges. 2002 Microsoft Corp. chairman Bill Gates introduced a new device code named Mira. The device was tablet-like and was a cross between a handheld computer and a TV remote control. 2009 Russia shut off all gas supplies to Europe through Ukraine. Prime Minister Vladimir Putin publicly endorsed the move and urged greater international involvement in the energy dispute. 2018 Do smiled. |
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