Good Morning, Do!  Today is Monday, August 21, 2023  ___________________________________________________ Bonehead award Calgary human trafficking suspect who targeted teens faces a dozen new charges ___________________________________________________ Q Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings. --- Ed Gardner Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none. --- Jules Renard (1864 - 1910) "What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce." --- Mark Twain Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. --- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914) The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. --- Bertrand Russell It's sad that wise people don't have the patience to argue with hysterical fools and dogooders. --- Socratex ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ History: Today in 1923, In Kalamazoo, Michigan, an ordinance was passed forbidding dancers from gazing into the eyes of their partner. ___________________________________________________ A new addition to the periodic table of chemical elements Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: 180+ Physical properties: Solid at room temperature but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KID (Element: Child) for prolonged periods of time. Neutralizes by saturating with alcohol. Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell. __________________________________________________   Bow River near Calgary __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Thanks to World Traveller Anita, some funny signs: Doctor's office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES. Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan: COOLES AND HATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF. ______________________________________________ Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories. --- Arthur C. Clarke (1917 - ) Arthur C Clarke was a fairly good SF writer, until he sidetracked himself with the "Ice Age Is Coming because of your muscle cars!" fad in the late 60's and early 70's. I told him he was full of shit and that the cycles would cause the climate to warm up soon enough. They did. And guess what? Al Gore came up with Gullible Warming, and blamed that on your cars and your farting. Well, Gullible Warming is finished. We are back into the "Ice Age is coming because of YOUR cars!" fad. You can now recycle all of Arthur C Clarke's rethoric from the late 60's. ____________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. --- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914) The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. --- Bertrand Russell It's sad that wise people don't have the patience to argue with hysterical fools and dogooders. --- Socratex _____________________________________________________ A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her. He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and when she agreed, he asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product. When asked if she used it, she answered, "Yes, we use it when we have sexual intercourse." The interviewer was amazed. He said, "I always ask that question because everyone uses our product and they always say they use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge or some other purpose. But I know that most people really use it for sexual intercourse, they just don't like to say so. Since you've been so frank, could you tell me exactly how you use it?" "We put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ An 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges everyday and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free." Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter lectured, "That's the best part . . . you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven." With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your damn bran muffins, we could have been here twenty years ago!" ____________________________________________________ An IRS telephone assister was overheard to say, "Sir please watch your language!...Sir, watch your language!...Sir, please!...Reverend, I'm ashamed of you!" ____________________________________________________ Top 11 Reasons To Become A Nurse 1. Pays better than fast food, though the hours aren't as good. 2. Fashionable shoes & sexy white uniforms. 3. Needles: It's better to give than to receive. 4. Reassure your patients that all bleeding stops...eventually. 5. Expose yourself to rare, exotic, & exciting new diseases. 6. Interesting aromas. 7. Courteous & infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly legible handwriting. 8. Do enough charting to navigate around the world. 9. Celebrate the holidays with all your friends....at work. 10. Take comfort that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them. 11. All male doctors will flirt at you and one of them will marry you. __________________________________________________  DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Bianca Re: Which Font Dear Webby, We got this big argument going at work about which font is the best. What is your opinion? Bianca  Dear Bianca Best for what ? For a casual announcement Dauphin is good. It is relaxed but very readable. For something romantic you can sacrifice readability to slow down the reader and make him or her spend more time on each word. Try Vivace BT, For business, use Trebuchet if you want to appear as a modern innovator, Zurich Ex BT if you want to appear as a trusted banker, Tunga or Tahoma for reliable business Arial for clarity and precision Lucida Console is for a techy look and also for maximum readability on poor monitors or bad printers or faxes. For web sites I recommend Arial. It is the most readable and sharpest font that is available on the most machines. Tunga might be nicer, but you can't count on everybody having it on their computer. Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ My sister landed a good job with an accounting firm, and after a while she got a generous raise. The day she found out about it, her husband picked her up from work, and they stopped for ice cream. As they continued home, my sister blurted out, "Isn't it hard to believe that I have a job that pays this much money?" Just then, she went to toss the last of her ice cream cone out the window. However, they were just passing a big truck and a gust of turbulence blew it back in and stuck it to her nose. Her husband looked at her and calmly replied, "Yes, it IS amazing!" ________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock  Benjamin Loewen, 21, Calgary, Alberta, Canada  Calgary human trafficking suspect who targeted teens faces a dozen new charges  Suspect is already facing six charges related to human trafficking linked to an underaged victim A Calgary man charged following a human-trafficking investigation earlier this year is facing a slew of new charges after police identified three more victims, all teenage girls. Benjamin Loewen, 21, was charged with six offences including sex crimes, drug trafficking, child pornography and extortion charges in May related to a human-trafficking investigation by the Alberta Law Enforcement Response Teams. At the time, police alleged Loewen had targeted multiple teen girls, but only one 15-year-old victim had been identified. In the following months, investigators with ALERT spoke with three additional victims, all between the ages of 16 and 18, resulting in Loewen being charged with 12 additional offences earlier this month. The new charges include two counts each of benefiting from sexual services of a person under 18, procuring a person under 18, making child pornography and distributing child pornography, as well as one count each of sexual assault, sexual interference, advertisement of sexual services and extortion by threats. Police say more victims could still come forward. __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work, please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today August 21, in 1680, The Pueblo Indians drove the Spanish out and took possession of Santa Fe, NM. 1831, Nat Turner, a former slave, led a violent insurrection in Virginia. He was later executed. 1841, A patent for venetian blinds was issued to John Hampton. 1878, The American Bar Association was formed by a group of lawyers, judges and law professors in Saratoga, NY. 1888, The adding machine was patented by William Burroughs. 1912, Arthur R. Eldred became the first American boy to become an Eagle Scout. It is the highest rank in the Boy Scouts of America. 1923, In Kalamazoo, Michigan, an ordinance was passed forbidding dancers from gazing into the eyes of their partner. 1943, Japan evacuated the Aleutian island of Kiaska. Kiaska had been the last North American foothold held by the Japanese. 1945, U.S. President Truman ended the Lend-Lease program that had shipped about $50 billion in aid to America's Allies during World War II. 1959, Hawaii became the 50th state. U.S. President Eisenhower also issued the order for the 50 star flag. 1963, In South Vietnam, martial law was declared. Army troops and police began to crackdown on the Buddhist anti-government protesters. 1971, Laura Baugh, at the age of 16, won the United States Women's Amateur Golf tournament. She was the youngest winner in the history of the tournament. 1984, Victoria Roche, a reserve outfielder, became the first girl to ever compete in a Little League World Series game. 1989, Voyager 2, a U.S. space probe, got close to the Neptune moon called Triton. 1991, The hard-line coup against Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev ended. The uprising that led to the collapse was led by Russian federation President Boris Yeltsin. 1992, NBC News fired Authur Kent two weeks after he refused an assignment to war-torn Croatia. 1993, NASA lost contact with the Mars Observer spacecraft. The fate of the spacecraft was unknown. The mission cost $980 million. 1994, Ernesto Zedillo won the Mexican presidential election. 1996, The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 was signed by U.S. President Clinton. The act made it easier to obtain and keep health insurance. 1997, Hudson Foods Inc. closed a plant in Nebraska after it had recalled 25 million pounds of ground beef that was potentially contaminated with E. coli 01557:H7. It was the largest food recall in U.S. history. 1997, Afghanistan suspended its embassy operations in the United States. 1997, Cicely Tyson received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. 1998, Wesley Snipes received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. 2002, In Pakistan, President General Pervez Musharraf unilaterally amended the Pakistani constitution. He extended his term in office and granted himself powers that included the right to dissolve parliament. 2003, In Ghana, businessman Gyude Bryant was selected to oversee the two-year power-sharing accord between Liberia's rebels and the government. The accord was planned to guide the country out of 14 years of civil war. 2023, Do smiled. 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!