Good Morning, Do, Today is Tuesday, July 19 Have FUN! DearWebby 
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 Todays Bonehead Award: PA Female teacher sleeps with five pupils Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 19, in 1553 Fifteen-year-old Lady Jane Grey was deposed as Queen of England after claiming the crown for nine days. Mary, the daughter of King Henry VIII, was proclaimed Queen. More of what happened on this day in history. 
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 ______________________________________________________ Communism is like one big phone company. --- Lenny Bruce (1923 - 1966) The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward. --- John Maynard Keynes (1883 - 1946) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to pass off his phoney $18 bills would be in some small hick Southern town. So, he got into his new wheels and off he went. He found a tiny town with a single store. He entered the store and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. "Can you change this for me, please?" he said. The store clerk looked at the $18 bill a short time, then smiled and told the man, "Sure, Mister. Ya'll want 2 nines, or 3 sixes?" 
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 Mrs. Davidson's dishwasher quit working so she calls a repairman. Since she has to go to work the next day, she tells him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. Oh, by the way, don't worry about my Bull Dog; he won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" When the repairman arrives at Mrs. Davidson's apartment the next day, he discovers the biggest and meanest Bull Dog he has ever seen. But just as she said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his business. The Parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing, and name-calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid bird!" To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!" ______________________________________________________ A friend was laid up at home with the flu. His fiancee called and volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to him. He declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told him, "Will wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest of our lives making each other sick!" ______________________________________________________   And some will be playing pokemon-go. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Michelle Mellinger, 49, Keesport, Pennsylvania  PA Female teacher sleeps with five pupils  A 49-year-old special education teacher who told the children she abused, I prefer younger people" has been jailed. Michelle Mellinger, who worked as a teaching assistant at McKeesport Area High School, Pennsylvania, pleaded guilty to five counts of having intercourse or sexual contact with students and one count of sexual assault. She has been sentenced to between 11-and-a-half and 23 months, after a court heard she texted one of her victims: Wow, you look amazing. I just became a paedophile. Mellinger also told one boy he was on her bucket list before she slept with him. She would send her pupils texts, before driving them to her home and having sex with them, the court heard. Mellinger abused five boys aged between 15 and 17, but was caught in October after colleagues at her school overheard students talking about having sex with her. Mellinger tried to have sex with a sixth boy, but the court heard he took off running when she started to undress. Judge Donna Jo McDaniel said Mellinger had been sustained in her pursuit of underage boys. According to press in Pennsylvania, the incidents occurred between June 2013 until February 2015.  ______________________________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Bianca RE: Which font is best Dear Webby, We got this big argument going at work about which font is the best. What is your opinion? Bianca  Dear Bianca Best for what ? For a casual announcement Dauphin is good. It is relaxed but very readable. For something romantic you can sacrifice readability to slow down the reader and make him or her spend more time on each word. Try Vivace BT, For business, use Trebuchet if you want to appear as a modern innovator, Zurich Ex BT if you want to appear as a trusted banker, Tunga or Tahoma for reliable business Arial for clarity and precision, Lucida Console is for a techy look and also for maximum readability on poor monitors or bad printers or faxes. For web sites I recommend Arial. It is the most readable and sharpest font that is available on the most machines. Tunga might be nicer, but you can't count on everybody having it on their computer. Have FUN! DearWebby  _____________________________________________________   ___________________________________________________ Little Johnny stared at his test paper. The big read "F" stared back at him. Freddie looked at his glum friend and asked, "Why did you get such a low grade on that test?" "Because of an absence," Johnny answered. "You mean you were absent on the day of the test?" he questioned. Little Johnny replied, "No, but the kid who usually sits next to me was." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!     ______________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Deodorant to Remove Underarm Stains  By Jackie H. I bought a beautiful white sweater at a yard sale. The challenge though was the sweater had large yellow armpit stains. I got all sorts of advice, use OXI, use vinegar, use lemon juice, use baking soda; they all failed. Then someone said use what "caused the stain". Hmmmmm, deodorant. I used a stick of solid white deodorant and rubbed it thickly into both sides inside and out. Let it sit in cold water overnight. Washed as normal the next morning and Wha- La! Beautiful white sweater that looks like new!  ______________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's News
 No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 _____________________________________________________ Jim let his dog out to do his business late one night. He watched some TV and then remembered to let the dog back in. When he opened the door, he was shocked at what he saw! In his dog's mouth was his neighbor's cat, dead! "Bad dog! BAD DOG!" said the panicked man. He took the cat away and looked at it. He couldn't bring himself to tell his neighbor what happened, so he decided to clean it up and leave it on the neighbor's porch. He took the cat into the bathroom and washed off all the blood and dirt. It took him forever. He had to wash it four times to get it all cleaned. He brushed its beautiful white fur as he blow-dried it and put its collar back on. Since it was so dark, he snuck into the neighbor's yard and laid the cat down on the porch, in front of the door. The next day, he saw his neighbor. "Hi," the neighbor said. "Hi," replied Jim, nervously. His neighbor said, "Something weird happened last night." "Oh yeah? What's that?" asked Jim, sweating now. "Well, my cat died yesterday, got run over by a truck. What a mess! We buried him, and this morning he was lying on my front porch!" ___________________________________________________ 
Drunk Squirrel 
 ____________________________________________________ Groan Alert: Ben Kenobi and Luke Flyswatter are having a Chinese supper. Ben picks up the chopsticks and starts eating. Luke is having problems, there is food over his face, his clothes, and the table, but not much in his mouth. "What should I do?" he asks Ben. "Use the forks, Luke!" ____________________________________________________ The preacher said: "There's no such thing as a perfect woman. Anybody present who has ever known a perfect woman, stand up." Nobody stood up. "Those who have ever known a perfect man, stand up." One demure little man stood up. "Did you ever know an absolutely perfect man?" he asked, somewhat disbelieving. "I didn't know him personally," replied the little man, "but I have heard a great deal about him. He was my wife's first husband." ____________________________________________________  
  
 
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 Today on July 19 1525 The Catholic princes of Germany formed the Dessau League to fight against the Reformation. 1553 Fifteen-year-old Lady Jane Grey was deposed as Queen of England after claiming the crown for nine days. Mary, the daughter of King Henry VIII, was proclaimed Queen. 1788 Prices plunged on the Paris stock market. 1799 The Rosetta Stone, a tablet with hieroglyphic translations into Greek, was found in Egypt. 1848 The Women's Rights Convention took place in Seneca Fall, NY. Bloomers were introduced at the convention. 1870 France declared war on Prussia. 1939 Dr. Roy P. Scholz became the first surgeon to use fiberglass sutures. 1942 German U-boats were withdrawn from positions off the U.S. Atlantic coast due to effective American anti-submarine countermeasures. 1943 During World War II, more than 150 B-17 and 112 B-24 bombers attacked Rome for the first time. 1946 Marilyn Monroe acted in her first screen test. 1971 In New York, the topping out ceremony for Two World Trade Center (South Tower) took place. The ceremony for One World Trade Center had taken place on December 23, 1970. 1974 The House Judiciary Committee recommended that U.S. President Richard Nixon should stand trial in the Senate for any of the five impeachment charges against him. 1975 The Apollo and Soyuz spacecrafts separated after being linked in orbit for two days. 1979 In Nicaragua, the dictatorship of the Somozas was overthrown by the Sandinista National Liberation Front (Frente Sandinista de Liberacin Nacional or FSLN). 1982 The U.S. Census Bureau reported that 14% of the population had an income below the official poverty level in 1981. 1985 Christa McAuliffe of New Hampshire was chosen to be the first schoolteacher to ride aboard the space shuttle. She died with six others when the Challenger exploded the following year. 2016 Do smiled. 
 

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