Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, June 7 A telemarketer gave me a good laugh today. I was a bit distracted because I was reading an email at the time, so instead of putting her on (permanent) hold, I said: "I don't have a phone, send me an email." She apologized as I was hanging up. If she did send an email, Mailwasher washed it. Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Body of Illinois man, who failed to pay tab and jumped in Fox River, has been recovered  Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 7 in 1494 Spain and Portugal divided the new lands they had discovered between themselves. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Nothing can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own. --- Sidney J. Harris Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ >From Bill: I was taking a ground school class for private pilots. During the session on weather, the instructor wanted to discuss the concept of sublimation, the act of going from a gas to a solid, skipping the intermediate liquid stage. He gave as an example water vapor in the air icing on a windshield overnight to form ice. Wanting to see if the class had understood the concept, the instructor asked if anyone could provide an example of something that went straight from a solid to a gas. He was expecting "dry ice'' as the answer. One of the students blurted out, "Burritos." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ When I was discussing fund drives of universities with a few friends, one told this story: "I graduated from a private school that I didn't like much. Once I was outta there, I had no particular desire to ever contribute to their latest fund drive or future athletic events. "Sure enough, a few years ago Alumni Affairs staff called my folks, got my current number and tracked me down. 'So, what have you been doing with yourself?' some perky alumnus asked. "I responded, 'Oh, not a lot. Just stealing cars, running moonshine and selling a bit of dope on the side.' "They've never called back." ______________________________________________________   South Haven, MI, onLake MI _____________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Ernest Prentic, 29, Carpentersville, Illinois  Body of Illinois man, who failed to pay tab and jumped in Fox River, has been recovered  A man who jumped into the Fox River after allegedly skipping out on a restaurant tab in a northwest Illinois suburb has been found dead. Algonquin police said in a statement that the body of 29-year- old Ernest Prentic of Carpentersville was discovered in the river around 6:30 p.m. Friday. Police were called about 9:20 p.m. Thursday to Nero's Restaurant in Algonquin after reports that a man later identified as Prentic had run out without paying his tab. A fisherman saw him leap into the river. Dive teams searched the area until midnight and resumed their search Friday morning. Prentic's body has been turned over to the Kane County coroner's office.  ______________________________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Priss Re: Which ISP for DSL Dear Webby About the harping on ISP's---I have always been an earthlink customer and have been very satisfied but I am thinking of getting DSL---with Southwestern Bell--- What is your opinion on this? Thanks Priss  Dear Priss Southwestern's DSL seems to be OK, like most companies' DSL. Check out what Earthlink can offer you in your area. Quite often they act as a re-seller or work through local DSL and are actually cheaper. That way you could stay with them and would not have to change any addresses. Have FUN! DearWebby    A lady lost her handbag at the mall. Do found it and returned it to her. Looking in her purse, she said, "Hmm, that's funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." Do replied, "That IS funny. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward." 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recipe: Ham Stir Fried Rice  A voice on the bank loudspeaker announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work pro- perly in case of emergency." My confidence in this safety precaution faded when the voice added: "If you are unable to hear this announcement, please contact the main office."   ____________________________________________________ 

talking baby

Thanks to David for this one: (He's not worried that his mother will read his submission. She's not on the net, because she is afraid she might miss a call from him) Phone rings. JEWISH MOTHER picks up the phone and answers) Jewish Mother Hello? Daughter Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight? Jewish Mother You're going out? Daughter Yes. Jewish Mother With whom? Daughter With a friend. Jewish Mother I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man. Daughter I didn't leave him. He left me! Jewish Mother You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies. Daughter I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids? Jewish Mother I never left you to go out with anybody except your father. Daughter There are lots of things that you did and I don't. Jewish Mother What are you hinting at? Daughter Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight. Jewish Mother You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out? Daughter My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone! Jewish Mother So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place? Daughter He's not a loser. Jewish Mother A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite. Daughter I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not? Jewish Mother Poor children with such a mother. Daughter Such a what? Jewish Mother With no stability. No wonder your husband left you. Daughter ENOUGH !!! Jewish Mother Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too! Daughter Now you're worried about the loser? Jewish Mother Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately. Daughter Goodbye, mother. Jewish Mother Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over? Daughter I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out! Jewish Mother If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone? Daughter I am going to become a Catholic and look for a Catholic man with a Catholic mother! ___________________________________________________

Mesmerizing weather photography and the music goes so perfect with the storms.

>Thanks to Martin for a little ecumenical information - Four Religious Truths 1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people. 2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian World. 4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.

Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________ A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you." "I know," said the man, "but I can't. She will divorce me if I don't.

 Today, on June 7, in 1494 Spain and Portugal divided the new lands they had discovered between themselves. 1498 Christopher Columbus left on his third voyage of exploration. 1546 Peace of Ardes ended the war between France and England. 1654 Louis XIV was crowned king of France. 1712 The Pennsylvania Assembly banned the importation of slaves. 1775 The United Colonies changed their name to the United States. 1776 Richard Henry Lee of Virginia proposed to the Continental Congress a resolution calling for a Declaration of Independence. 1863 Mexico City was captured by French troops. 1892 J.F. Palmer patented the cord bicycle tire. 1900 Boxer rebels cut the rail links between Peking and Tientsin in China. 1903 Professor Pierre Curie revealed the discovery of Polonium. 1929 The sovereign state of Vatican City came into existence as copies of the Lateran Treaty were exchanged in Rome. 1932 Over 7,000 war veterans marched on Washington, DC, demanding their bonuses. 1935 Pierre Laval received emergency powers to save the franc. 1937 The cover of "LIFE" magazine showed the latest in campus fashions of the times, which included saddle shoes. 1939 King George VI and his wife, Queen Elizabeth, arrived in the U.S. It was the first visit to the U.S. by a reigning British monarch. 1942 The Battle of Midway ended. The sea and air battle lasted 4 days. Japan lost four carriers, a cruiser, and 292 aircraft, and suffered 2,500 casualties. The U.S. lost the Yorktown, the destroyer USS Hammann, 145 aircraft, and suffered 307 casualties. 1942 Japan landed troops on the islands of Attu and Kiska in the Aleutians. The U.S. invaded and recaptured the Alutians one year later. 1944 Off of the coast of Normandy, France, the Susan B. Anthony sank. All 2,689 people aboard survived. 1948 The Communists completed their takeover of Czechoslovakia. 1955 "The $64,000 Question" premiered. 1966 Sony Corporation unveiled its brand new consumer home videotape recorder. The black and white only unit sold for $995. 1965 In the U.S., the Gemini 4 mission was completed. The mission featured the first spacewalk by an American. 1968 In Operation Swift Saber, U.S. Marines swept an area 10 miles northwest of Danang in South Vietnam. 1968 Legoland Billund opend in Billund, Denmark. It was the original Legoland park. 1981 Israeli F-16 fighter-bombers destroyed Iraq's only nuclear reactor. 1983 The U.S. ordered Nicaragua to close all six of its consulates and informed 21 Nicaraguan consular officials that they could not longer remain in the U.S. 1994 The United States District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia declared the RMS Titanic, Inc. (RMST) salvor-in- possession of the wreck and the wreck site of the RMS Titanic. 2000 U.S. Federal Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ordered the breakup of Microsoft Corporation. They appealed. 2017 Do smiled.

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