Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, June 30 Thank You Claude! ___________________________________________________ Today, June 30 in 1953 The first Corvette rolled off the Chevrolet assembly line in Flint, MI. It sold for $3,250. _____________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: Man arrested for trying to steal $50,000 loader ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________________ A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910), _____________________________________________________ >From Larry "Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking, running around at all hours of the night and more. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music and how to invest in the stock market." "Sounds like you may be bitter because she spent so much time trying to change you." "I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me." _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Do wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. "So how was it?" the mother asked when they returned home. "Great," Do replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked mother. "Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," explained Do excitedly, "especially when one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1!!!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rual Gonzalez, 27, Fresno, USA Man arrested for trying to steal $50,000 loader A 27-year-old man was arrested after deputies say he tried to steal a $50,000 tractor in Kings County on Sunday night. Sheriff's officials say Rual Gonzalez drove onto a property at Excelsior and 15th Avenues around 10 pm. The property owner discovered Gonzelez's car near an area of parked tractors and then found Gonzalez inside one of the tractor cabs. Officials say Gonzalez ran away, and he hid within bushes and trees on the property, causing challenges for the deputies who were called to search for him. A Kings County K9 and his deputy handler helped locate Gonzalez and bring him into custody. Gonzalez was taken to Adventist Medical Center in Hanford for treatment and was eventually released to be booked into the Kings County Jail for theft, trespassing and resisting arrest. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Darla Re: Which Linux? DearWebby, I was delivering face masks to all the neighbors, and the cute senior four houses down was on his porch with his laptop. He decided to make a donation and invited me up to the porch. To make a long story short, he dazzled me with his machine and told me he was using Linux. I was impressed! When I get my tax refund I am going to buy a new computer, and will put Linux onto it. I don't know anything about Linux, except that there are many different "flavors". Which is the best one? Darla Dear Darla The best one is whatever the cute guy is using. Initially you will have all kinds of questions and will need some guidance. Discuss it with him. Linux is not difficult at all, just a bit different. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ There was a man who worked all of his life and had saved his money and was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything. Just before he died, he said to his wife. "Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. Because I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with that man." She said, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with him." "You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with the man?" "I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a check." _____________________________________________ * Kitchen closed - this chick (or dude?) has had it! * Martha Stewart doesn't live here!! * I'm creative; you can't expect me to be neat, too! * Ring Bell for Maid Service. If no answer, do it yourself! * You may touch the dust in this house, but please don't write in it! * If you write in the dust, please don't date it! * I would cook dinner, but I can't find the can opener! * I came, I saw, I decided to order take out. * If you don't like my standards of cooking, lower your standards. * A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious. * Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out. * Countless numbers of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives. * My house was clean last week; too bad you missed it! ____________________________________________ >From Terri I was shopping in an arts and crafts store, where a friend of mine worked, for a gift for my niece. She had taken an interest in oil painting and I planned to purchase a beginner set of paints and brushes. My friend was at the cash register when I was checking out. I hadn't seen her for a few weeks and had started a diet in the meantime, having moderate success. She asked me if I had gotten thinner. I was thrilled that it showed already and replied that I had lost a few pounds. She rolled her eyes and said, "I meant paint thinner." | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today June 30 in 1097 The Crusaders defeated the Turks at Dorylaeum. 1841 The Erie Railroad rolled out its first passenger train. 1859 Charles Blondin became the first person to cross Niagara Falls on a tightrope. 1894 Korea declared independence from China and asked for Japanese aid. 1908 A meteor explosion in Siberia knocked down trees in a 40-mile radius and struck people unconscious some 40 miles away. 1912 Belgian workers went on strike to demand universal suffrage. 1913 Fighting broke out between Bulgaria and Greece and Serbia. It was the beginning of the Second Balkan War. 1915 During World War I, the Second Battle of Artois ended when the French failed to take Vimy Ridge. 1922 Irish rebels in London assassinate Sir Henry Wilson, the British deputy for Northern Ireland. 1930 France pulled its troops out of Germanys Rhineland. 1934 Adolf Hitler purged the Nazi Party by destroying the SA and bringing to power the SS in the "Night of the Long Knives." 1935 Fascists caused an uproar at the League of Nations when Haile Selassie of Ethiopia spoke. 1936 Margaret Mitchells book, "Gone with the Wind," was published. 1950 U.S. President Harry Truman ordered U.S. troops into Korea and authorizes the draft. 1951 On orders from Washington, General Matthew Ridgeway broadcast that the United Nations was willing to discuss an armistice with North Korea. 1953 The first Corvette rolled off the Chevrolet assembly line in Flint, MI. It sold for $3,250. 1955 The U.S. began funding West Germanys rearmament. 1957 The American occupation headquarters in Japan was dissolved. 1958 The U.S. Congress passed a law authorizing the admission of Alaska as the 49th state in the Union. 1960 The Katanga province seceded from Congo (upon Congo's independence from Belgium). 1964 The last of U.N. troops left Congo after a four-year effort to bring stability to the country. 1971 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the government could not prevent the Washington Post or the New York Times from publishing the Pentagon Papers. 1971 The Soviet spacecraft Soyuz 11 returned to Earth. The three cosmonauts were found dead inside. 1977 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced his opposition to the B-1 bomber. 1985 Yul Brynner left his role as the King of Siam after 4,600 performances in "The King and I." 1986 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that states could outlaw homosexual acts between consenting adults. 1994 The U.S. Figure Skating Association stripped Tonya Harding of the 1994 national championship and banned her from the organization for life for an attack on rival Nancy Kerrigan. 1998 Officials confirmed that the remains of a Vietnam War serviceman buried in the Tomb of the Unknowns at Arlington National Cemetery were identified as those of Air Force pilot Michael J. Blassie. 2000 U.S. President Clinton signed the E-Signature bill to give the same legal validity to an electronic signature as a signature in pen and ink. 2004 The international Cassini spacecraft entered Saturn's orbit. The craft had been on a nearly seven-year journey. 2020 Do smiled. |
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