| Good Morning, Do! Thank you, Dr Moe!!!! I REALLY appreciate your help! Thank you, Alfred! Today is Saturday, June 17 ____________________________________________________ History: today, June 17 in 1885, The Statue of Liberty arrived in New York City aboard the French ship Isere. ___________________________________________ Bonehead Buckeye man arrested for running over his girlfriend and driving away ___________________________________________________ Q So little time and so little to do. --- Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972) ____________________________________________________ Little Noah came into the house with a new harmonica. "Grandpa, do you mind if I play this in here?" "Of course not, Noah. I love music. In fact, when your grandma and I were young, music saved my life." "What happened?" "Well, it was during the famous Johnstown flood. The dam broke and when the water hit out house it knocked it right off the foundation. Grandma got on the dining room table and floated out safely." "How about you?" "Me? I accompanied her on the piano!" __________________________________________________ It was a conference title game, and the sportscaster had mentioned several times that the place had been sold out long before game time. As he called the play-by-play, however, he kept noticing a single empty seat directly below his booth. The empty seat was bothering him, so he sent an assistant downstairs to find out what was going on. "Pardon me, sir," the assistant said to the man sitting next to the seat. "Do you happen to know why this seat is empty?" "Yeah. It's my wife's seat." "And why is it empty?" "She died." "Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. But couldn't you get a friend to come to the game with you today?" "Impossible," the man said. "They're all at her funeral." ___________________________________________________ Four old retired men are walking down a street in Tuscon, Arizona. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents." They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?" There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men order a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred, and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please." The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet. Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?" "I'm a retired tailor from Phoenix ," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer, it's all the same." "Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says. As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them, and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there. Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the Bartender, "What's with them?" The bartender says, "They're retired Jews from Florida. They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price." ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ___________________________________________________ Photo by John Krampl Porcupine in Lethbridge, Alberta ___________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ Rainbow-Obsidian ___________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock Adrian Terrell Cabrales, 42, Buckeye, Arizona, USA Buckeye man arrested for running over his girlfriend and driving away A Buckeye man was taken into custody after he allegedly hit his girlfriend with his car and drove away, police said. The incident on May 26 left the victim severely injured and bleeding, yelling for help in a neighborhood near Yuma and Rainbow roads. "Officers responded to the area and found neighbors assisting the victim who suffered significant injuries," said Clarissa Planalp with Buckeye Police. "She was transported to the hospital and continues to receive medical care and treatment." The woman reportedly suffered skull fractures and bleeding in her brain from the incident. Police say the boyfriend, identified as 42-year-old Adrian Terrell Cabrales, was arguing with the woman outside when he got in his Jeep and struck her. He drove away before officers came. In court documents, investigators state that Cabrales drove away from the scene because he was scared of getting arrested for attempted murder. On June 13, Cabrales was arrested in Avondale and booked into jail. He is accused of aggravated assault as well as hit & run. Records show that the 42-year-old is currently on probation and served time in prison for criminal damage. His bond has been set at $750,000. ___________________________________________________ "Signs Spotted in England" In a cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves. In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out. In a London department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken. In another office: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board. On a church door: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance.) Outside a second hand shop: We exchange anythingbicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain. Quicksand Warning: Quicksandany person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council. Notice in a dry cleaners window: Anyone leaving his or her garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of. In a health food shop window: Closed due to illness. Spotted in a safari park: Elephants Please Stay in Your Car. Seen during a conference: For anyone who has children and does not know it, there is a day care on the first floor. Notice in a field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges. Message on a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons. On a repair shop door: We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door - the bell does not work.) Spotted in a toilet in a London office block: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below. ___________________________________________________ Three guys, Adam, Barry and Sam, got hired by Mike the Manager to sell bibles door-to-door. First day of work, they had a quick meeting with Mike and they were each given a separate area of the city that they were to try to sell their bibles. They were to go out, use their best judgment as to the location in their area that they wanted to try, and just meet back up at the end of the day to report back to Mike. So Adam, Barry and Sam all head out for their first day of selling. At the end of the day, they all went back to meet with Mike and report their progress. Mike asked, So how did each of you do today? Adam started and said he was new to selling but was still have to sell 4 bibles. Mike said, Not bad, but Im sure youll get better as the week goes on. Next, Barry said that he was also new to selling but was able to sell 7 bibles. Mike said, Wow. Thats pretty good for a first day. Then Sam said, I-I-I-Im new t-t-t-to selling t- t-t-too, but I-I-I-I was a-a-a-able to s-s-s-sell 14 b-b-b- bibles today. Mike was amazed and said Thats fantastic for a brand new salesman. The next day, they all went out again and did their best. At the end of the day, they all went back to meet with Mike and report their progress. Mike asked, So how did each of you do today on your second day? Adam started again and said he was inspired by Sam yesterday and he had improved and was able to sell 11 bibles. Mike said, Amazing. I knew youd get better as the week goes on. Next, Barry said that he was also inspired by Sam yesterday and he had also improved and was able to sell 18 bibles. Mike said, You guys are just great. Then Sam said, I-I-I-I wa-wa-was trying t-t-t-to sell m-m- more t-t-t-too, and I-I-I-I was a-a-a-able to s-s-s-sell 26 b- b-b-bibles today. Mikes jaw dropped. They went out each day to sell their bibles door-to-door and each and every day, they improved on their sales totals. Sam was always outselling the other two. No one could believe it. So after Fridays day was over and they all meet back with Mike again. Another day of improving. Adam sold 46 bibles. Barry had sold 73 that day. And Sam, he had sold an amazing 138 bibles in a single day. Mike just couldnt believe that Sam, even with his stutter, was able to do that well. He just had to know how he was pulling it off. So he asked Sam to explain how he was able to outperform everyone else on the team. Sam said, W-W-Well, i-i-its pret-pret-pretty easy f-f-f-for me. I-I-I-I go up t-t-t-to the door, kn-kn-kn-ring the b-b-b- bell. W-W-W-When they ans-ans-answer the d-d-d-door, I-I-I say, M-M-M-My name is S-S-S-Sam. And I-I-I-Im sell-sell- selling b-b-b-bible. Wou-Wou-Would you like t-t-t-to buy-buy- buy one, or d-d-d-do you want me to read it to you? ___________________________________________________ Azurite ___________________________________________________ SEX AND GOOD GRAMMAR On his 70th birthday, Yankel was given a gift certificate from his wife, a certificate for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. Yankel went to the reservation and saw the medicine man. The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder, warning: 'This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: '1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want." Yankel thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and asked : "How do I stop the medicine from working?" " Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon." Yankel was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said: "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked: "What was the 1-2-3 for?" And that, kinderle, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle. ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Ellira Re: Why an expensive domain name? Dear Webby Why an expensive domain name? Isn't there free web space on Yahoo or somewhere? Ellira That depends on what you want to do. If you just need some space to tell Gramma about the Catnip dreams of your Persian, then http://yahoo.com/freebies/us/animals/cats/catnipdreams is good enough, especially if you are not selling anything. However, if you are trying to sell jewelry, or real estate, then http://ellira.com would bring you a lot more visitors. Decide what you want to do, then skype or email me and I will give you some suitable suggestions to pick from. Nowadays, due to Bidenflation, registering a domain name worldwide, is $15 per year. Hosting is separate and can be aanywhere from @2 to $200 per month, depending on what you want to do, and which web host you decide to choose. Have FUN! DearWebby __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today June 17, in 0362, Emperor Julian issued an edict banning Christians from teaching in Syria. 1579, Sir Francis Drake claimed San Francisco Bay for England. (California) 1775, The British took Bunker Hill outside of Boston. 1789, The Third Estate in France declared itself a national assembly, and began to frame a constitution. 1799, Napoleon Bonaparte incorporated Italy into his empire. 1837, Charles Goodyear received his first patent. The patent was for a process that made rubber easier to work with. 1848, Austrian General Alfred Windischgratz crushed a Czech uprising in Prague. 1854, The Red Turban revolt broke out in Guangdong, China. 1856, The Republican Party opened its first national convention in Philadelphia. 1861, U.S. President Abraham Lincoln witnessed Dr. Thaddeus Lowe demonstrate the use of a hydrogen balloon. 1872, George M. Hoover began selling whiskey in Dodge City, Kansas. The town had been dry up until this point. 1876, General George Crooks command was attacked and defeated on the Rosebud River by 1,500 Sioux and Cheyenne under the leadership of Crazy Horse. 1879, Thomas Edison received an honorary degree of Doctor of Philosophy from the trustees of Rutgers College in New Brunswick, NJ. 1885, The Statue of Liberty arrived in New York City aboard the French ship Isere. 1912, The German Zeppelin SZ 111 burned in its hangar in Friedrichshafen. 1913, U.S. Marines set sail from San Diego to protect American interests in Mexico. 1917, The Russian Duma met in a secret session in Petrograd and voted for an immediate Russian offensive against the German Army. (World War I) 1924, The Fascist militia marched into Rome. 1926, Spain threatened to quit the League of Nations if Germany was allowed to join. 1928, Amelia Earhart began the flight that made her the first woman to successfully fly across the Atlantic Ocean. 1930, The Smoot-Hawley Tariff Bill became law. It placed the highest tariff on imports to the U.S. 1931, British authorities in China arrested Indochinese Communist leader Ho Chi Minh. 1932, The U.S. Senate defeated the bonus bill as 10,000 veterans massed around the Capitol. 1940, The Soviet Union occupied Lithuania, Latvia, and Estonia. 1940, France asked Germany for terms of surrender in World War II. 1941, WNBT-TV in New York City, NY, was granted the first construction permit to operate a commercial TV station in the U.S. 1942, Yank, a weekly magazine for the U.S. armed services, began publication. The term "G.I. Joe" was first used in a comic strip by Dave Breger. 1944, French troops landed on the island of Elba in the Mediterranean. 1944, The republic of Iceland was established. 1950, Dr. Richard H. Lawler performed the first kidney transplant in a 45-minute operation in Chicago, IL. 1953, Soviet tanks fought thousands of Berlin workers that were rioting against the East German government. 1963, The U.S. Supreme Court banned the required reading of the Lord's prayer and Bible in public schools. 1965, Twenty-seven B-52s hit Viet Cong outposts but lost two planes in South Vietnam. 1970, North Vietnamese troops cut the last operating rail line in Cambodia. 1991, The Parliament of South Africa repealed the Population Registration Act. The act had required that all South Africans be classified by race at birth. 2023, Do smiled.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Go to TOP
Well, Do , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
Please give a friend a subscription to the Humor Letter
If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name,
or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me.
I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly
from then on.
If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't
have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me.
I will gladly enter them for you and send them a confirmation request.
To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to humor@webby.com
If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time,
then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription.
If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/sub.html
You can also UNsubscribe there.
If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter,
please unsubscribe by clicking the link below:
You are currently subscribed to the Regular HTML version with this address:
newsletter@newslettercollector.com
UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular HTMLversion Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter | . |
