Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, December 16 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________  California Highway Patrol had to fight Woman to stop her from trying to murder 4 year old by drowning him in an irrigation ditch. ____________________________________________________ Today, December 16, in 1998 Eric Michelman filed a patent for a scroll wheel for a computer mouse. Scroll wheels had been in use since the late 80s, but never patented. ____________________________________________________ Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony. --- Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945) ____________________________________________________ A man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the SNOW SHOVEL !" ____________________________________________________   Laura ____________________________________________________ A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer." He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way. About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly. "The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?" ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Taylor Delaine Green, 31, Dobbins, California, USA  California Highway Patrol had to fight Woman to stop her from trying to murder 4 year old by drwoning him in an irrigation ditch.  On Dec. 6, the life of a 4-year-old boy was hanging in the balance until a California Highway Patrol officer arrived to save him. A call had come in about a 2005 White Dodge Caravan blocking a rural road in Yuba County, California. At around 6:30 p.m. a CHP officer arrived to check it out, according to The Sacramento Bee. Circling the empty van, the officer heard a scream about 100 yards west and looked to see a woman crouching in the weeds along a nearby irrigation canal. As he got closer, the horrifying picture grew clearer: The woman was holding a young boy face-down in the muddy water, smothering him in the muddy embankment, authorities said, according to The Sacramento Bee. The woman was extremely combative and acting irrationally, clearly under the influence of some sort. This woman was so desperate to kill her 4-year-old that she literally fought a police officer so that she could continue drowning her child. "A mother in California was arrested after police say she got caught trying to drown her 4-year-old son in an irrigation canal and then attacked the police officer who intervened including by making several attempts to take the officers gun, The Sacramento Bee reported. "A mother in California was arrested after police say she got caught trying to drown her 4-year-old son in an irrigation canal and then attacked the police officer who intervened including by making several attempts to take the officers gun, The Sacramento Bee reported. Officers with the California Highway Patrol took Taylor Delaine Green, 31, of Dobbins, into custody on Tuesday and charged her with one count each of attempted murder, felony cruelty to a child, resisting arrest, attempting to remove or take a firearm from an officer, and driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol. According to the report, the CHP responded to calls about a 2005 white Dodge Caravan blocking traffic on Woodruff Lane east of Armstrong Road. Upon arriving at the scene at approximately 6:30 p.m., an officer was checking the empty vehicle when he reportedly heard screams coming from approximately 100 yards west of the vehicle. He followed the sound of the yelling and reportedly found Green and her young son in the weeds lining an irrigation canal. The officer reportedly noted that Green was acting irrationally and appeared to be under the influence of a controlled substance, CHP officials said. They also referred to Green as extremely combative. As the officer continued to approach Green, he reportedly realized she was holding the young boy face-down and appeared to be trying to smother him in the muddy embankment, CHP said. The officer then attempted to reach for the child, but Green reportedly jumped into the canal and completely submerged herself and the child in approximately 5 feet of water. The officer jumped in after the child and was able to wrestle him free of his mothers grip while she was reportedly holding him underwater. After separating the boy from his mother, the officer reportedly began crawling back toward the shore while holding the child with one hand, but even then, Green allegedly would not relent. The officer tried to drag the boy out of the canal, but as he got to the embankment, Green reportedly grabbed the officer and tried to pull both him and the child back into the water. Using one hand, the officer reportedly fought with Green for several minutes while holding on to the child in his other hand, according to CHP. During the ensuing struggle, the officer claims Green tried to take his service weapon multiple times while she continued to violently resist. The melee ended when a sergeant with the Yuba County Sheriffs Office arrived on the scene and the officer in the canal was reportedly able to pass him the boy. The sergeant was able to get the child to safety and additional law enforcement officers with the sheriffs office and Marysville Police Department arrived soon after and helped take Green into custody. Following her arrest, Green was processed and booked at the Yuba County Jail. As of Wednesday she remained in custody and a judge set her bond at $500,000 according to online records. According to a report from The Los Angeles Times, Green may face a second attempted murder charge for trying to pull the officer underwater. CHP spokesperson Brian Danielson told the LA Times that the child was safe now and had been released into the custody of his father. Danielson also said the sheriffs office and Child Protective Services would be following up with the family to ensure the childs continued safety.  ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  From: Elaine Re: Why delete trash and spam in Gmail? Dear Webby You mentioned that TRASH and SPAM have to be deleted separately after moving old mail to those folders. Why is that? Elaine  Dear Elaine ALL mails in Gmail are in just ONE folder. They are only "color-coded" to look like they had been moved. They are still there, though, taking up exactly the same amount of space as before. Only after you dump the TRASH and SPAM will they be gone and not take up any more space. Have FUN! DearWebby 
 A girl walked up to the information desk in a hospital and asked to see the "upturn". "I think you mean the 'intern', don't you?" asked the nurse on duty. "Whatever," said the girl. "I want to have a contamination." "You mean 'examination,'" the nurse corrected her. "Whatever, I want to go to the 'fraternity ward,' anyway." "I'm sure you mean the maternity ward." To which the girl replied: "Upturn, intern; contamination, examination, fraternity, maternity.... what's the difference? All I know is I haven't demonstrated in two months, and I think I'm stagnant." 
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 _____________________________________________  A sweet 6 year-old girl is sitting on Santa's Lap in a department store. Santa asks the child "....and what do you want for Christmas?" The sweet thing looks into Santa's eyes, and says with complete disgust in her voice: "You old Lazy-Bum! Don't you read your E-mail?" ______________________________________________ Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They were stopped promptly by a policeman, who said, "What do you think you are doing? You were going mighty fast there, Father." The priest says, "We were just taking the bike for a spin...see how it runs." The policeman shakes his head. "I am going to have to give you a ticket. Driving like that isn't safe. What if you have an accident?" The priests say, "Don't worry, my son. Jesus is with us." The policeman says, "In that case, I have to book you. Three on a motorcycle falls under reckless driving." ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Two men are flying in a small plane from one small town in Alaska to another. One of the men has little experience riding in small planes, so he's understandably nervous as the plane approaches a landing strip in a snow-covered area. But when the pilot descends to just a couple of hundred feet, then guns both engines, climbs sharply and circles back, the man is almost beside himself. "I wonder why he didn't land," the man says to the calmer passenger beside him. "He was checking to see if the landing strip was plowed," the other passenger says. As the pilot makes a second approach, the man glances out the window. "It looks plowed to me," he says. "No," the other passenger says. "It hasn't been cleared for some time." "How can you tell?" "Because," says his seatmate, "I'm the guy who drives the plow." ___________________________________________________  
 Today, December 16, in 1653 Oliver Cromwell became lord protector of England, Scotland and Ireland. 1773 Nearly 350 chests of tea were dumped into Boston Harbor off of British ships by Colonial patriots. The patriots were disguised as Indians. The act was to protest taxation without representation and the monopoly the government granted to the East India Company. 1809 Napoleon Bonaparte was divorced from the Empress Josephine by an act of the French Senate. 1835 In New York, 530 buildings were destroyed by fire. 1838 The Zulu chief Dingaan was defeated by a small force of Boers at Blood River celebrated in South Africa as 'Dingaan's Day'. 1850 The first immigrant ship, the Charlotte Jane, arrived at Lyttleton, New Zealand. 1901 "The Tale of Peter Rabbit," by Beatrix Potter, was printed for the first time. 1903 Women ushers were employed for the first time at the Majestic Theatre in New York City. 1905 Sime Silverman published the first issue of "Variety". 1912 The first postage stamp to depict an airplane was issued was a 20-cent parcel-post stamp. 1940 French Premier Petain arrested Pierre Laval after learning of a plan for Laval to seize power and set up a new government with German support. 1944 During World War II, the Battle of the Bulge began in Belgium. It was the final major German counteroffensive in the war. 1950 U.S. President Truman proclaimed a national state of emergency in order to fight "Communist imperialism." Now Biden, Piglosi, Shumer and BLM are fighting Free Enterprise. 1951 NBC-TV debuted "Dragnet" in a special preview on "Chesterfield Sound Off Time". The show began officially on January 3, 1952. 1960 A United Air Lines DC-8 and a TWA Super Constellation collided over New York City, killing 134 people. 1973 O.J. Simpson broke Jim Brown's single-season rushing record in the NFL. Brown had rushed for 1,863 yards, while Simpson attained 2,003 yards. 1981 The U.S. Congress restored the $122 minimum monthly social security benefit for current recipients. 1985 Reputed organized-crime chief Paul Castellano was shot to death outside a New York City restaurant. 1990 Jean-Bertrand Aristide, a leftist priest, was elected president in Haiti's first democratic elections. 1991 The U.N. General Assembly rescinded its 1975 resolution equating Zionism with racism by a vote of 111-25. 1995 Many U.S. government functions were again closed as a temporary finance provision expired and the budget dispute between President Clinton and Republicans in Congress continued. 1995 NATO launched a military operation in support of the Bosnia peace agreement. 1996 Britain's agriculture minister announced the slaughter of an additional 100,000 cows thought to be at risk of contracting BSE in an effort to persuade the EU to lift its ban on Britain. 1998 The U.S. and Britain fired hundreds of missiles on Iraq in response to Saddam Hussein's refusal to comply with U.N. weapons inspectors. 1998 Eric Michelman filed a patent for a scroll wheel for a computer mouse. Scroll wheels had been in use since the late 80s, but never patented. 1999 Torrential rains and mudslides in Venezuela left thousands of people dead and forced at least 120,000 to leave their homes. 2000 Researchers announced that information from NASA's Galileo spacecraft indicated that Ganymede appeared to have a liquid saltwater ocean beneath a surface of solid ice. Ganymede, a moon of Jupiter, is the solar system's largest moon. The discovery is considered important since water is a key ingredient for life. 2000 U.S. President-elect George W. Bush selected Colin Powell to be the first African-American secretary of state. Powell was sworn in January 20, 2001. 2001 In Tora Bora, Afghanistan, tribal fighters announced that they had taken the last al-Quaida positions. More than 200 fighters were killed and 25 captured. They also announced that they had found no sign of Osama bin Laden. 2001 Cuba received the first commercial food shipment from the United States in nearly 40 years. The shipment was sent to help Cuba after Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba on November 4, 2001. 2001 A British newspaper, The Observer, reported that a notebook had been found at an al-Quaida training camp in southern Afghanistan. The notebook contained a "blue print" for a bomb attack on London's financial district. 2009 Astronomers discovered GJ1214b. It was the first-known exoplanet on which water could exist. 2021 Do smiled. 

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