Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, April 11  ______________________________________________________ Today, April 11 in 1803 A twin-screw propeller steamboat was patented by John Stevens. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: Uber driver tried to break into customers' home after taking them to airport  ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. "Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy." "Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home." "That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. I consider that animal abuse. That's cruelty to animals. Have your husband take care of that right away!" Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop. "Well, dear, what exactly did he say?" "He said the reflector is broken." "I can fix that in two minutes. What else?" "I'm not sure, Jacob. . . something about the emergency brake." ______________________________________________________`   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________    An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Jackie Gordon Wilson, San Mateo, California  Uber driver tried to break into customers' home after taking them to airport  Police arrested a California Uber driver who was caught on camera trying to burglarize the home of customers he had just taken to the airport. Police in San Mateo say Jackie Gordon Wilson dropped his riders off at the airport last Thursday afternoon. An hour later, he returned to their home and tried to break in until an alarm sounded. The attempt was recorded by the home's doorbell camera. A short time later, a second home nearby was ransacked and several items were stolen. The Ring video doorbell on that home also recorded the suspect. The homes are just a few blocks apart in the same neighborhood, police said. The next night, the investigation led police to Wilson, who was found at his home in the Sacramento suburb of Rancho Cordova. The suspect was wearing the same clothes as he had on during the burglary attempts and had some of items stolen from the second home in his possession. He was arrested and police are investigating his activities to see if he may have been involved in other burglaries. In addition to recommending a home security system, police used the arrest to share tips for safely using ride-sharing apps: Be mindful where you are picked up and dropped off. For example, if you use rideshare to the airport, the driver will know you won't be home for several days. Double-check your ride share app to ensure the license plate, make, model and color of the car is the actual car assigned to you by the app. Take a picture of the license plate and vehicle. Do not get into a car or give your name to the driver until you ask, who are you here for? If the driver can't identify your name, do not get in. Share your trip details with friends or family. According to?Uber, you're able to tap Share status in the mobile app and share your driver's name, photo, license plate, and location with a friend or family member. Lyft users can tap the Send ETA icon on the bottom bar, which will send a text message to family or friends with a link to your current route and location. Trust your instincts! If you are uncomfortable with the driver's behavior or comments or you sense something is not right, don't get in the car. If you are already in the car, ask to be dropped off and call 911.  
 From: Sandra Re:Why do Lasers take so long?  Dear DearWebby I am planning to buy a printer and looked at printers that some of my friends have. I noticed that Laser printers print nicer, but take a lot longer to get started. When I asked that friend why that is, the smart-ass told me that is a secret of the Universe, like why women play hard to get. Yes, he does have a dent now. Can you please tell me the real reason? Thanks Sandra  Dear Sandra Lasers don't use liquid ink. They use dry toner powder that is mostly just very tiny little beads of colored wax. Those beads have to be melted into the paper. The printer uses a hot roller to melt the wax. So that the printer is not using electricity while it is sitting for weeks waiting for you to send another print job, it turns that hot roller off after 60 seconds of no print jobs. Then, when you do send another print job, it has to heat up that hot roller, called "Fuser". That takes time. However, once it is hot, it can print page after page very fast, much faster than any inkjet printer can even dream of printing. Once the fuser is hot, a laser can spit out 10 - 100 prints per minute until it runs out of paper. Naturally the faster ones are more expensive, but even an older 10 page per minute printer is quite fast for home use. Another benefit of laser printers is that the dry powder does not dry out and plug up if you don't print for a long time. Mine gets used every day, but I know people, who only use theirs for Christmas cards and at tax time, but every time it just takes 15 seconds to warm up, and then prints until it runs out of paper. Also, Laser printers have usually 500 sheet input trays. You can plunk en entire ream of paper in, not 50 - 100 sheets like on ink jets. You really get spoiled! Have FUN! DearWebby  
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 Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday school. So they went to the nearest church. But only the janitor was there. One said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us?" "Sure," said the janitor. He took them into the bathroom and dunked their heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then he said, "Now, go out and play." When they got outside, dripping wet, one of them asked, "What religion do you think we are?" The oldest one said, "We're not Catholic, because they pour the water on you. We're not Baptist because they dunk all of you in it. We're not Methodist because they just sprinkle you." The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water?" "Yes. Why, what do you think that means?" "That means we're 'piscopalians." 
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 The nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. "We live in a great country," she said. "One of the things we should be happy about is that, in this country, we are all free." One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said, "I'm not free. I'm four." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Locally Owned Hardware Stores Getting the right tools and supplies the first time will save you time and money when working on a home improvement project. If you are lucky enough to have a quality "Mom and Pop" or locally owned hardware store in your town with experienced staff, be sure to take advantage of it. Thriftyfun.com   ____________________________________________________   
  
Interesting Instagram feeds. 
 ___________________________________________________ The company I work for offers tours through the historic district of Annapolis, Maryland, led by guides dressed in Colonial clothing. While leading a group, Felix, one of our guides, tripped and fell, breaking his wrist. He went to the hospital, and as he sat waiting in the emergency room, a policeman walked by. Doing a double take at Felix in his 18th-century garb, he asked, "Just how long have you been waiting?" ___________________________________________________ The Poor Tailor and the French Restaurant Old Abraham was a poor tailor whose shop was next door to a very upscale French restaurant. Every day at lunch time, Abraham would go out the back of his shop and eat his black bread and herring while smelling the wonderful odors coming from the restaurant's kitchen. One day, Abraham was surprised to receive an invoice from the restaurant for 'enjoyment of food'. So he went to the restaurant to point out that he had not bought anything from them. The manager said, "You're enjoying our food, so you should pay us for it." Abraham refused to pay and the restaurant sued him. At the hearing, the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the case. The manager said, "Every day, this man comes and sits outside our kitchen and smells our food while eating his. It is clear that we are providing added value to his poor food and we deserve to be compensated for it." The judge turns to Abraham and said, "What do you have to say to that?" Abraham didn't say anything but stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled the few coins he had inside. The judge asked him, "What is the meaning of that?" Abraham replied, "I'm paying for the smell of his food with the sound of my money." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure Honey. You carry the suitcases!" ___________________________________________________  
 Today April 11 in 1512 The forces of the Holy League were heavily defeated by the French at the Battle of Ravenna. 1689 William III and Mary II were crowned as joint sovereigns of Britain. 1713 The Treaty of Utrecht was signed, ending the War of Spanish Succession. 1783 After receiving a copy of the provisional treaty on March 13, the U.S. Congress proclaimed a formal end to hostilities with Great Britain. 1803 A twin-screw propeller steamboat was patented by John Stevens. 1814 Napoleon was forced to abdicate his throne. The allied European nations had marched into Paris on March 30, 1814. He was banished to the island of Elba. 1876 The stenotype was patented by John C. Zachos. 1876 The Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks was organized. 1895 Anaheim, CA, completed its new electric light system. 1898 U.S. President William McKinley asked Congress for a declaration of war with Spain. 1899 The treaty ending the Spanish-American War was declared in effect. 1921 Iowa became the first state to impose a cigarette tax. 1921 The first live sports event on radio took place this day on KDKA Radio. The event was a boxing match between Johnny Ray and Johnny Dundee. 1901 Construction on the Empire State Building was completed. The building was dedicated and opened on May 1, 1931. 1940 Andrew Ponzi set a world's record in a New York billiards tournament when he ran 127 balls straight. 1941 German bombers blitzed Conventry, England. 1945 U.S. troops reached the Elbe River in Germany. 1945 During World War II, American soldiers liberated the Nazi concentration camp of Buchenwald in Germany. 1948 The discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls was announced in a general press release. 1951 U.S. President Truman fired General Douglas MacArthur as head of United Nations forces in Korea. 1961 Israel began the trial of Adolf Eichman, accused of World War II war crimes. 1968 U.S. President Johnson signed the 1968 Civil Rights Act. 1970 Apollo 13 blasted off on a mission to the moon that was disrupted when an explosion crippled the spacecraft. The astronauts did return safely. 1974 The Judiciary committee subpoenas U.S. President Richard Nixon to produce tapes for impeachment inquiry. 1979 Idi Amin was deposed as president of Uganda as rebels and exiles backed by Tanzanian forces seized control. 1980 The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission issued regulations specifically prohibiting sexual harassment of workers by supervisors. 1981 U.S. President Ronald Reagan returned to the White House from the hospital after recovering from an assassination attempt on March 30. 1981 In the Brixton area of London, a race riot erupted that resulted in the injury of more than 300 people. 1984 China invaded Vietnam. 1984 General Secretary Konstantin U. Cherenkov was named president of the Soviet Union. 1985 Scientists in Hawaii measured the distance between the earth and moon within one inch. 1985 The White House announced that President Reagan would visit the Nazi cemetery at Bitburg. 1986 Dodge Morgan sailed solo nonstop around the world in 150 days. 1986 In Groton, CT, the submarine Nautilus exhibit opened to the public. 1986 Kellogg's stopped giving tours of its breakfast-food plant. The reason for the end of the 80-year tradition was said to be that company secrets were at risk due to spies from other cereal companies. 1991 U.N. Security Council issued a formal cease-fire with Iraq. 1996 Forty-three African nations signed the African Nuclear Weapons Free Zone Treaty. 1996 Seven-year-old Jessica Dubroff was killed with her father and flight instructor when her plane crashed after takeoff from Cheyenne, Wyoming. Jessica had hoped to become the youngest person to fly cross-country. 1998 Northern Ireland's biggest political party, the Ulster Unionists, announced its backing of the historic peace deal. 1999 Daouda Malam Wanke was designated president of Niger. President Ibrahim Bar Manassara had been assassinated on April 9. 2001 China agreed to release 24 crewmembers of a U.S. surveillance plane. The EP-3E Navy crew had been held since April 1 on Hainon, where the plane had made an emergency landing after an in-flight collision with a Chinese fighter jet. The Chinese pilot was missing and presumed dead. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

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