Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, June 13 ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Husband stabbed wife 17 times and asked Have you not died yet? ___________________________________________________ History on this day, June 11, in 1898, because of the discovery of gold in the Klondike and the construction of the Whitepass railroad, The Canadian Yukon Territory was organized. ___________________________________________________ The greater the ignorance the greater the dogmatism. --- Sir William Osler (1849 - 1919) Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're being had. --- Michael Crichton (1942 - 2008) The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you. --- Rita Mae Brown ___________________________________________________ A university student was told by his dentist that he would have to have his wisdom teeth removed. Concerned about the expense, he consulted his roommate. "I'm not sure I can afford to have my wisdom teeth pulled," he complained. "I know," his friend replied seriously. "I've seen your SATs." ___________________________________________________ A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France." The new man asked, "What happened?" "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!" ___________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Zef Gjoni, 28, London, UK  Husband stabbed wife 17 times and asked Have you not died yet?  man who stabbed his wife at least 17 times, tried to smother her with a duvet before chillingly telling her have you not died yet? has been jailed for her attempted murder. Zef Gjoni, 28, attacked his wife at their home in Thornton Heath and then claimed to police she had cut herself due to being kept away from her family over lockdown. But a court heard he set upon her with two knives after realising she had taken her phone to the bathroom and contacted a family member at around 4am on April 1 2020. Gjoni had stopped her from contacting her mother in Romania just hours before. She was found suffering a total of at least 17 discernible stab wounds and a collapsed lung. During the attack, Gjoni put a duvet over the victims head and asked: Have you not died yet? The victim pleaded for Gjoni to stop and call an ambulance. When he finally called 999, he told the operator that he and his wife had had an argument and that she had stabbed herself in the heart two or three times. Police and paramedics arrived and the victim was able to tell them through a Romanian interpreter that the injuries had been inflicted by Gjoni. He was arrested at the scene. On Friday at Croydon Crown Court, Gjoni was sentenced to 19 years in prison and a further five years on extended licence. Thea Viney, from the Crown Prosecution Service, said: This was a senseless and violent attack inside a marital home. Zef Gjoni armed himself with two kitchen knives before launching an unprovoked attack on his own wife just because she wanted to speak to her family. The victim who has since left the country, is lucky to be alive. During police interview Gjoni told officers that the Coronavirus lockdown had upset his wife because she was being separated from her family in Romania. He told them she had been cutting herself in the bathroom, but the jury was able to see through this blatant lie. The prosecution case included medical evidence and statements from the victim who had to spend two weeks in hospital recovering from her stab wounds. ___________________________________________________ The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a .45 Revolver. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. "Kill her!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said. "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. 6 shots were heard, one shot after another. The agents heard creaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ Ginger: How was your Birthday? Janet: Oh, it was just fine. How was yours? Ginger: Pretty good..at least this year I didn't get any useless or stupid gifts. Did you ever get a gift that you just hated? Janet: Yeah, one year I got one of those talking scales. The first thing it said to me was, "One of you has to get off!" ____________________________________________________   Doug McQueen 06/12/2022 Blue Jay, Springbank, AB ___________________________________________________ During a dinner party, the hosts' two small children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. After going all the way around the room, the children left. During a moment of silence at the table, one of the children was heard to say, "You see, it is vanishing cream!" ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ >From Bobbie I've been running short of rations of sleep here lately. Just last night April and I had one HELL of a big fight. I was telling Dave at work about it. "Three nights a week out with the boys -- man, did April and I EVER have a go at each other over THAT." "How'd it come out?" he asked. "She agreed she'd cut it down to two." ____________________________________________________ A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. A clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" He said, "I'd like that chocolate covered, cream filled doughnut, that jelly filled doughnut and that cheese Danish." Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat bran muffin." ____________________________________________________ DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Barb Re: Why is W10 so much slower than W7?  Dear Webby Why is W10 so much slower than W7? I got a W7 machine beside it. I can work three times as fast on that, and I almost never have to restart it. What are the supposed benefits of W10? Barb  Dear Barb Microsoft says that if W10 is on a brand new machine with 3 times the RAM of your W7 machine, then it apparently is not much slower than your W7 machine. The purpose of it is to force you to buy a new, Chinese made, Microsoft / Dell / Acer / HP machine and boost employment in China. XP was the last system made for YOUR benefit. If you don't like that, use Linux, like most of industry and commerce does. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Tommy went to confession on Friday and said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." "What are your sins, my son?" said the priest. "I kissed a girl after school yesterday." "Who was it, Tommy?" "I cannot tell you, Father, I would feel bad." "Was it Mary Donovan?" the priest asked. "No, Father, please forgive me, but I cannot tell you who it was." "Was it Catherine McKenzie?" "No, Father," said Tommy. "Well, then it has to be Sarah Martha O'Keefe?" "No, Father, please forgive me, I cannot tell you who it was." "Okay, Tommy, I want you to say five 'Hail Marys' and four 'Our Fathers' for your sin." Tommy left the confessional and walked out to the pews, where his friend Joseph was waiting. "What did ya get?" asked Joseph. And Tommy said, "I got five Hail Marys, four Our Fathers, and three good leads." __________________________________________ While working on a lesson in world religions, a kindergarten teacher asked her students to bring something related to their family's faith to class. At the appropriate time she asked the students to come forward and share with the rest of the students. The first child said, "I am Muslim and this is my prayer rug." The second child said, "I am Jewish and this is my Star of David." The third child said, "I am Catholic and this is my rosary." Little Johnny was the final child and he said, "I am Southern Baptist and this is my casserole dish." __________________________________________ >From Joathan Right outside her front door, my mother-in-law had a thermometer that never seemed to tell the correct temperature. One chilly day, we all noticed that the thermometer, which was in direct sunlight, read a balmy 72 degrees. "Mom," my wife suggested without thinking, "you should stick that thing where the sun doesn't shine." _______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 
 Today, June 13, in 1415, Henry the Navigator, the prince of Portugal, embarked on an expedition to Africa. 1777, The Marquis de Lafayette arrived in the American colonies to help with their rebellion against the British. 1789, Ice cream was served to General George Washington by Mrs. Alexander Hamilton. 1825, Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. Hunt then then sold the rights for $400. 1866, The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed by the U.S. Congress. It was ratified on July 9, 1868. The amendment was designed to grant citizenship to and protect the civil liberties of recently freed slaves. It did this by prohibiting states from denying or abridging the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States, depriving any person of his life, liberty, or property without due process of law, or denying to any person within their jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws. 1898, because of the discovery of gold in the Klondike and the construction of the Whitepass railroad, The Canadian Yukon Territory was organized. 1900, China's Boxer Rebellion against foreigners and Chinese Christians erupted into violence. 1912, Captain Albert Berry made the first successful parachute jump from an airplane in Jefferson, Mississippi. 1920, The U.S. Post Office Department ruled that children may not be sent by parcel post. 1922, Charlie Osborne started the longest attack on hiccups. He hiccuped over 435 million times before stopping. He died in 1991, 11 months after his hiccups ended. 1923, The French set a trade barrier between the occupied Ruhr and the rest of Germany. That did not go over well and hastened the start of WWII 2022 Do smiled. 

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