Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, January 25 Tomorrow, about the time you read the Friday issue, I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs. While I grope myself around in the dark, you get a vacation on Saturday, Sunday and probably Monday. Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Man claims he mistook neighbor's house for his own, killed homeowner thinking he was an intruder Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, January 25 in 1504 The English Parliament passed statutes against retainers and liveries to curb private warfare. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. --- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915) What we become depends on what we read after all of the professors have finished with us. The greatest university of all is a collection of books. --- Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881) Wisdom is knowing when to speak your mind and when to mind your speech. --- Socratex The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. --- Hubert H. Humphrey ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An Engineering Student, a Physics Student, and a Mathematics student were each given $150 dollars and were told to use that money to find out exactly how tall a particular hotel was. All three ran off, extremely keen on how to do this. The physics student went out, purchased some stopwatches, a number of ball bearings, a calculator, and some friends. He had them all time the drop of ball bearings from the roof, and he then figured out the height from the time it took for the bearings to accelerate from rest until they impacted with the sidewalk. The math student waited until the sun was going down, then she took out her protractor, plumb line, measuring tape, and scratch pad, measured the length of the shadow, found the angle the buildings roof made from the ground, and used trigonometry to figure out the height of the building. Of course, with all that was involved in getting this experiment done, they were up plenty late studying for other courses' exams. These two students bumped into the engineering student the next day, who looked quite refreshed. When asked what he did to find the height of the building he replied: "Well, I walked up to the bell hop, gave him 10 bucks, asked him how tall the hotel was, and went inside for happy hour!" ______________________________________________________ He was so in love with her that he offered her anything that she may desire. "All I want," she cooed, "is a solid gold Boy Scout knife." "But you can have anything in the world!", exclaimed the stunned suitor. "That's all I want." cooed the doll. When he brought her the solid gold Boy Scout knife, she beamed happily. "Are you sure that this is all that you want to make you happy?" inquired the still mystified suitor. "What are you going to do with it?" She opened a hope chest to put the knife inside, thereby revealing hundreds of similar gold Boy Scout knives. "But....but...WHY?" stammered the confused man. "Well," she explained, "right now I'm very young and beautiful and everybody wants me. But when I grow old, and not so attractive and desireable...can you imagine what a Boy Scout will do for one of these knives?" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Three mothers were sitting around comparing notes on their exemplary offspring. "There never was a daughter more devoted than my Alice," said Mrs. Goldschein with a sniff. "Every summer she takes me to the Catskills for a week, and every winter we spend a week at Delray Beach." "That's nothing compared to what my Sarah does for me," declared Mrs. Blumenstein proudly. "Every winter she treats me to two weeks in Miami, and in the summer two weeks in the Hamptons, in my own private guest house." Mrs. Rosenthal sat back with a proud smile. "Nobody loves her mother like my Jackie does. Nobody." "So what does she do?" asked the two women, turning to her. "Three times a week she gets into a cab, goes to the best psychiatrist in the city, and pays him a hundred and fifty dollars an hour - just to talk about me!" _____________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael G. Augustine, Raytown, Missouri Man claims he mistook neighbor's house for his own, killed homeowner thinking he was an intruder A Missouri man was charged with involuntary manslaughter after he allegedly went to his neighbor's home, thinking it was his own, then choked the homeowner to death. Police believe Michael G. Augustine was drunk at the time he allegedly killed 60-year-old Clifton King, according to WDAF. King died in his front yard Friday night, after he came to his door to find Augustine, one of his neighbors, trying to come inside. Neighbors told WDAF that Augustine, who lives further down the block, believed that it was his home, and that King had broken in. During the incident, Augustine called 911 to report that he had an intruder in a choke hold. But when officers arrived at his address, no one was there. They later found both men about a block up the street at King's house. According to court documents, police believe Augustine was drunk because his speech was incoherent and officers noted a strong smell of alcohol. A neighbor, who did not want her face to appear on camera because the incident has made her concerned for her own safety, said she watched paramedics try to revive King - a military veteran - for about half an hour. "He served our country and that was not an honorable way to treat him," the woman said. "I think that it's sad. It's sad! Someone had to give up their life because someone was so messed up they didn't know it wasn't their home." Other neighbors said that King had been homeless at one time in his life because he couldn't find a job, but since moving on the block he was friendly and kind. Some feel guilty about not immediately calling police themselves when they heard the commotion. They said there are often arguments on the block, and some say it's better for them not to get involved. Prosecutors have charged Augustine with first degree involuntary manslaughter, but neighbors said he's already posted bond and moved out of the area. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: CrapCleaner Dear Webby, I have been using ccleaner and just love it, Is there a way I can set it to run automatically??? I have it set to start when the pc starts, but for some reason, it doesn't clean, and also doesn't get into the bottom right side of the toolbar Thanks Ann Dear Ann It's best to run CrapCleaner before shutting down, or whenever your memory gets too bunged up. A Windows start-up is like the proverbial "Chinese Fire Drill" and it's best not to add anything to that. The reason you don't see CrapCleaner at the bottom right side of the toolbar, where the running programs are, is because once CrapCleaner has done it's chores, it politely exits and goes away. It does not use up any resources while it waits for the next time you need it. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Thanks to Bill for this story: Ann noticed me standing on the bathroom scale, pulling in my rather ample tummy. Smartass that she is, she said, "I don't think that's going to help much, hon." I said, "Sure it does. How else can I see the numbers on the scale?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A small company that had frequent break-ins installed a new security system with alarms, codes and key pads. Late one night the alarm went off and the police raced to the scene. Outside the building, wandering around the grounds, they spotted and apprehended a suspect. The police called the Security Director for the company and said, "We caught the culprit, an old guy. He tried to pass as an employee, but he knows nothing about your business." The Security Director said, "Oh, that's probably the president of the company. You better let him go." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refresh Your House Plants Take advantage of a light rain and set your houseplants outside. Just like giving them plant food and you don't have to pay for it. Helps keep the plants clean, too! By Linda Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A man walked into his friend's office and found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed, so he asked him what was wrong. His friend said sadly, "Oh, it's my wife. She hired a new secretary for me." The man said, "Well, there is nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette or a redhead?" "Neither. Her father is bald." | | The best science images of 2017 |
A little boy was digging for fishing bait in the garden with his father. He uncovered a creature with many legs and proudly held it up for his father to see. "No, son, he won't work for bait," his father said. "He's not an earthworm." "He's not?" the little boy said, his eyes wide. "What planet is he from?" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, January 25, in 1504 The English Parliament passed statutes against retainers and liveries to curb private warfare. 1533 England's King Henry VIII secretly married his second wife Anne Boleyn. Boleyn later gave birth to Elizabeth I. 1579 The Treaty of Utrecht was signed marking the beginning of the Dutch Republic. 1799 Eliakim Spooner patented the seeding machine. 1858 Mendelssohn's "Wedding March" was presented for the first time at the wedding of the daughter of Queen Victoria and the Crown Prince of Prussia. 1870 G.D. Dows patented the ornamental soda fountain. 1881 Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell and others signed an agreement to organize the Oriental Telephone Company. 1890 The United Mine Workers of America was founded. 1915 In New York, Alexander Graham Bell spoke to his assistant in San Francisco, inaugurating the first transcontinental telephone service. 1924 The 1st Winter Olympic Games were inaugurated in Chamonix in the French Alps. 1946 The United Mine Workers rejoined the American Federation of Labor. 1959 In the U.S., American Airlines had the first scheduled transcontinental flight of a Boeing 707. 1961 John F. Kennedy presented the first live presidential news conference from Washington, DC. The event was carried on radio and television. 1971 Maj. Gen. Idi Amin led a coup that deposed Milton Obote and became president of Uganda. 1981 The 52 Americans held hostage by Iran for 444 days arrived in the United States and were reunited with their families. 1987 The New York Giants defeated the Denver Broncos, 39-20, in Super Bowl XXI on NBC. The game featured TV commercials cost $550,000 for 30 seconds. 1999 In Louisville, KY, man received the first hand transplant in the United States. 2011 A revolution began in Egypt with the demonstrations that demanded the end of President Hosni Mubarak's rule. 2018 Do smiled. |
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