Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, June 5 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida teacher got caught having sex with student in the back seat of her car.  Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 5 in 1752 Benjamin Franklin flew a kite for the first time to demonstrate that lightning was a form of electricity. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ It is not enough to aim; you must hit. --- Italian Proverb When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. --- Hunter S. Thompson (1939 - 2005) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ >From Donny, the cleanest version of this ancient joke: Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He needs a new milk cow, and hears about one for sale over in Nordakota. (That would be North Dakota for you non-Scandahoovians out der.) He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow. He reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the tit and pulls, the cow farts. Ole is surprised. He looks at the farmer selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another tit, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out however, so after some discussion, Ole buys the cow and takes her home. He gets back to Minnesota, and calls over his neighbor Jimmy Mooney, and says, "Jimmy, come look at dis ere new cow I yust bought. Pull her tit, and see vat happens." So Jimmy reaches under, pulls the tit - and the cow farts. Jimmy looks at Ole and sez, "You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, din'tyah?" Ole is surprised since he hadn't told Jimmy about his trip. Ole replies, "Yah, dats right. But how'd yah now?" Jimmy says, "My wife is from Nordakota." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ My husband went on a sudden business trip, and I accompanied him. It soon became apparent that he could not wrap things up in one day, so his employer put us up for the night in a luxury hotel. We found a convenience store and purchased toothbrushes, a razor and other necessary items. Finally we entered the lobby of the hotel, each of us toting a brown paper bag filled with supplies. The hotel manager looked us over. Raising an eyebrow, he intoned haughtily, "Matching luggage?" ______________________________________________________ >from Fausto Casaccia from "We Love Lighthouses"   Brittany la vieille - raz de sein - finistre _____________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Police Cought Florida Drama Teacher Having Sex With Student in Back of Car  Pamela Stigger, 33, Tamarac, Florida A drama teacher in Tamarac, Florida was caught by the police having sex with her 15-year-old student in the back of a car, according to the Miami Herald after local residents complained about an illegally parked car obstructing traffic and nobody in the front seats. Pamela Stigger, 33, claimed she was only trying to mentor him, after police found her at 2 a.m. Thursday, moments after she had engaged in sexual acts with a 15-year-old boy in the back of a car. 2 am mentoring in the back seat? The arrest report said the Sheriff's office found the teenager nude from the waist down and that he told the deputies he had sex with Stigger. According to a Sheriff's office spokesperson: When [Stigger] was questioned about what they were doing and if they had, in fact, engaged in sexual acts, she denied being engaged in these sexual acts, despite the fact that the young man was undressed. Considering that they were in the BACKseat with pants down, that did not fly. She also tried to claim the student tried to seduce her first, before changing her story to flat out denial. Stigger is facing two charges of sexual battery and one count of lewd conduct with a minor. She was the student's drama teacher at Forest Glen Middle School last year and holds a custodial relationship over him. Stigger who has worked for the school since 2008, has been put on administratively reassigned duties away from the school, and will not be permitted access to students.  ______________________________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Sandra Re: Why PDF? Dear Webby Why are people using PDF for e-books? It makes it impossible to copy just a few paragraphs or chapters. How do you get around that? Sandra  Dear Sandra The main reason why authors use PDF is to protect their hard work from copy-cats like you, who want to steal their work and claim it as their own. The second reason is that PDF makes a book look and print the same no matter what kind of computer the reader uses. The third reason is that it puts everything, text and pictures into a nice, neat package without the need for lots of lose files. If you just want to copy a paragraph to paste up on your fridge, use a graphics program and do a screen capture, size and crop it the way you want it, and then print it. You can import PDF into Office Libre and some other programs. Have FUN! DearWebby    An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career, so they decided to do a small test. They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table... then they hid, pretending they were not at home. The father's plan was: "If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest - but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard." So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive. The son saw the note they had left. Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it. Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality ... then he left for his room, carrying all three items. The father slapped his forehead, and said: "Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined... " "What's this mean!?" his wife asked quizzically. "I'm afraid our son's going to be a politician!" 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Growing Chamomile  By EllenB [810 Posts, 1 Comment] Description: Chamomile has dainty, daisy-like white flowers with yellow centers set on top of thin stems of feathery green leaves. It comes in creeping or trailing varieties, and seldom grows to more than 12 inches high. Flowers of the creeping varieties contain properties sought after in the herb garden and give off a lovely, apple-like scent. Life Cycle: hardy perennial Exposure: full sun or partial shade Cultivation: Chamomile isn't fussy about the soil it grows in and adapts well to poor conditions. Sow seeds in a sunny location in the spring and once established, plants will readily reseed and spread themselves all over your garden. The plants look straggly when planted on their own and look better in large groups or "drifts". Propagation: division or seeds Parts Used: flowers Harvesting and Storage: Use a scissors to clip flowers from stems just as they fully open. Spread them out on racks or in shallow pans to dry, and store in an airtight container away from direct sunlight. Medicinal Uses: insomnia, digestive relief, and mouthwash Culinary Uses: teas, German Chamomile can be added to sour cream to top potatoes Other Uses: hair care, skin care, wreaths, dried flowers, potpourri, and perennial gardens   Camomile is a very hardy weed and will grow nicely in the center of rural roads even in the Yukon. Once it is firmly established your "Tea Farm" will spread on it's own. Nothing to worry about with lawn. It does not like getting mowed. You can harvest it all you want, just don't ever mow it. Have FUN! DearWebby  ____________________________________________________ 

Tire Jump

Clerk in flower shop: "Sorry, we don't have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets?" Customer (sadly): "No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone." ___________________________________________________

People are awesome for the month of May 2017.

A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it. He took it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?" "Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the story," said the owner. The tourist gave the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story." As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and began following him down the street. This was disconcerting; he began walking faster. But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing. He began to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster. Concerned, even scared, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he could. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after it, and were all drowned. The man walked back to the curio shop. "Ah ha," said the owner, "You have come back for the story?" "No," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze politician?"

Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

"Young man," the mother sternly addressed her son, "there were three cookies in the pantry this morning. May I ask how it happens that there is only one now?" "It was dark so I didn't notice the last one."

 Today, on June 5, in 1595 Henry IV's army defeated the Spanish at the Battle of Fontaine-Francaise. 1752 Benjamin Franklin flew a kite for the first time to demonstrate that lightning was a form of electricity. 1794 The U.S. Congress prohibited citizens from serving in any foreign armed forces. 1827 Athens fell to the Ottomans. 1851 Harriet Beecher Stow published the first installment of "Uncle Tom's Cabin" in "The National Era." 1865 The first safe deposit vault was opened in New York. The charge was $1.50 a year for every $1,000 that was stored. 1917 American men began volunteering for the World War I draft. 1924 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson transmitted the first facsimile message across the Atlantic Ocean. 1933 President Roosevelt signed the bill that took the U.S. off of the gold standard. 1940 During World War II, the Battle of France began when Germany began an offensive in Southern France. 1942 In France, Pierre Laval congratulated French volunteers that were fighting in the U.S.S.R. with Germans. 1944 The first B-29 bombing raid hit the Japanese rail line in Bangkok, Thailand. 1946 The first medical sponges were offered for sale in Detroit, MI. 1947 U.S. Secretary of State George C. Marshall gave a speech at Harvard University in which he outlined the Marshall Plan. 1956 Premier Nikita Khrushchev denounced Josef Stalin to the Soviet Communist Party Congress. 1967 The National Hockey League (NHL) awarded three new franchises. The Minnesota North Stars (later the Dallas Stars), the California Golden Seals (no longer in existence) and the Los Angeles Kings. 1967 The Six Day War between Israel and Egypt, Syria and Jordan began when they attacked israel. 1975 Egypt reopened the Suez Canal to international shipping, eight years after it was closed because of the 1967 war with Israel. 1981 In the U.S., the Center for Disease Control and Prevention reported that five men in Los Angeles were suffering from a rare pneumonia found in patients with weakened immune systems. They were the first recognized cases of what later became known as AIDS. 1986 A federal jury in Baltimore convicted Ronald W. Pelton of selling secrets to the Soviet Union. Pelton was sentenced to three life prison terms plus 10 years. 1998 A strike began at a General Motors Corp. parts factory near Detroit, MI, that closed five assembly plants and idled workers across the U.S. for seven weeks. 1998 Volkswagen AG won approval to buy Rolls-Royce Motor Cars for $700 million, outbidding BMW's $554 million offer. 2001 Amazon.com announced that it would begin selling personal computers later in the year. 2004 The U.S.S. Jimmy Carter was christened in the U.S. Navy in Groton, CT. 2017 Do smiled.

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