Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, Sept 3 ___________________________________________________ Bonehead award Extremely dangerous' escapee captured after getting stuck in mud ___________________________________________________ Q What is youth except a man or a woman before it is ready or fit to be seen? --- Evelyn Waugh (1903 - 1966) I once said cynically of a politician, 'He'll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it.' --- Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972) ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ History: 1989, The U.S. began shipping military aircraft and weapons, worth $65 million, to Columbia in its fight against drug lords. 1991, The U.S. formally recognized the independence of Lithuania, Lativa and Estonia. ___________________________________________________ Grand Junction, Colo. When I was younger, I believed the line was "Lead a snot into temptation." I thought I was praying for my little sister to get into trouble. __________________________________________________ Kentucky __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Susan was telling her boyfriend, Bill "According to archaeologists, for millions of years the Neanderthal man was not fully erect." And Bill's reply was, that's pretty easy to understand considering how ugly the Neanderthal women were! That is how he met Susan's cast iron frying pan. __________________________________________ Cinnamon Blackie near Greenview, AB Micheline Thiberge ___________________________________________________ Darryl and Harold were in a mental institution. The place had an unusual annual contest, picking two of the best patients and giving them two questions. If they got them correct, they were deemed cured and free to go. Darryl was called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understood that he'd be free if he answered the questions correctly. Darryl said "yes" and the doctor proceeded. "Darryl, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?" Darryl said, "I'd be half blind." "That's correct. What if I poked out both eyes?" "I'd be completely blind." The doctor stood up, shook Darryl's hand, and told him he was free to go. On Darryl's way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Darryl mentioned the exam to Harold, who was seated in the waiting room. He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers. So Harold went into the doctor's office when he was called. The doctor went thru the formalities and then asked, "What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?" Remembering what Darryl had told him, he answered, "I'd be half blind." The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on. "What if I cut off the other ear?" "I'd be completely blind," Harold answered." "Harold, can you explain how you'd be blind?" "My hat would fall down over my eyes." ___________________________________________________ "And what was the culmination of events that led you to file this action," asked the man's attorney in the divorce hearing. "All through our marriage my wife was less than fully responsive to my sexual initiatives," replied the husband, "but the clincher came one morning at the breakfast table." "Why? What happened?" "She announced, 'Just so you don't get your hopes up, I'm already beginning to get a headache.'" ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ >From Kerry I was self-conscious about going to the gym, because I thought the pounds I had put on would make me stand out among the spandex-clad regulars. I chose a treadmill in the corner so I'd be inconspicuous. However, as I exercised, my worst fears came true. At least a dozen people turned to stare at me periodically. I thought it might be my imagination, but then one woman even squinted to get a better look. Mortified, I stepped off the machine to leave. When I turned around, I realized that the gym's only wall clock had been hanging just inches above my head. ___________________________________________________ "I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?" Mrs. Smith turned to her husband: "Show him your tooth, honey!" _______________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Francine Re: Why PNG all of a sudden? Dear Webby You recommended .JPG. Why .PNG all of a sudden? Francine Dear Francine .JPG uses lossy compression. It throws pixels away, and you can never get them back. That is great, if you have finished messing with it, and now just want a small file size. .PNG does not throw unused pixels away, it just hides them. If there is ANY danger, that you might have to revert to a previous size, use PNG. Then, when everything is perfect, THAT is the time to save it as .JPG Have FUN! DearWebby _________________________________________________ A woman goes to the supermarket. She starts walking up and down the aisles. Each aisle she goes to she touches her head, her ears, her breasts, and her crotch. After doing this a number of times a man approaches her and ask if she is having a problem. She tells him no. He says that he would like to know what she is doing at the beginning of each aisle. She says she is trying to remember her grocery list. He seems puzzled and asks her for an explanation. She goes through the motions saying: One head of lettuce, 2 ears of corn, 2 breasts of chicken, and some Fantastic. _____________________________________________________ For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting. When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn't do!" "I suppose," the husband responded, "we could clean the house." ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _______________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock Christopher Pray, 39, Portland, Oregon, USA 'Extremely dangerous' Oregon escapee captured after getting stuck in mud An "extremely dangerous" attempted murder suspect who escaped from custody in Oregon Wednesday was found after getting stuck in the mud. According to Oregon State Police, Christopher Pray, 39, was in custody at the Multnomah County Jail in Portland when he was taken to Oregon State Hospital in Salem for a medical issue Wednesday night. Pray reportedly took control of a van he was riding in and stole the vehicle. At the time of his escape, he was wearing leg shackles, a belly chain, handcuffs, and a restraint connecting all three together, police said. He was being held on multiple serious charges, including attempted aggravated murder. Around 8:15 a.m. Friday, Portland Fire & Rescue responded to a report of a potentially dead person in a pond. When they arrived, they found the man was alive, but stuck in mud "buried up to their armpits." It took rescue crews about an hour to get him out. Pray was taken to a local hospital and gave a fake name, but a hospital worker noticed he resembled the man who escaped Wednesday night. Portland Police confirmed and arrested him at the hospital. FOX 12 Oregon reports that Pray was stuck in the mud for 12 hours. __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work, please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today Sept 3, in 1189, England's King Richard I was crowned in Westminster. 1783, The Revolutionary War between the U.S. and Great Britain ended with the Treaty of Paris. 1833, The first successful penny newspaper in the U.S., "The New York Sun," was launched by Benjamin H. Day. 1838, Frederick Douglass boarded a train in Maryland on his way to freedom from being a slave. 1935, Sir Malcolm Campbell became the first person to drive an automobile over 300 miles an hour. He reached 304.331 MPH on the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah. 1939, British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, in a radio broadcast, announced that Britain and France had declared World War II on Germany. Germany had invaded Poland on September 1. 1943, Italy was invaded by the Allied forces during World War II. 1954, "The Lone Ranger" was heard on radio for the final time after 2,956 episodes over a period of 21 years. 1966, The television series "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet" ended after 14 years. 1967, The TV game show "What's My Line?" broadcast its final episode. The show aired over 17 years on CBS. 1967, Nguyen Van Thieu was elected president of South Vietnam under a new constitution. 1967, In Sweden, motorists stopped driving on the left side of the road and began driving on the right side. 1976, The U.S. spacecraft Viking 2 landed on Mars. The unmanned spacecraft took the first close-up, color photos of the planet's surface. 1981, Egypt arrested more than 1,500 opponents of the government. 1986, Peat Marwick International and Klynveld Main Goerdeler of the Netherlands agreed to merge and form the worlds largest accounting firm. 1989, The U.S. began shipping military aircraft and weapons, worth $65 million, to Columbia in its fight against drug lords. 1994, Russia and China announced that they would no longer be targeting nuclear missiles or using force against each other. 1999, Mario Lemieux's ownership group officially took over the National Hockey League's Pittsburgh Penguins. Lemieux became the first player in the modern era of sports to buy the team he had once played for. 2013, Hunters in Mississippi caught a 727-pound alligator. 2023, Do smiled.
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