Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, Sept 10 ___________________________________________________ Q Nothing is more characteristic of a man than the mann in which he behaves toward fools. [info][add][mail][note]Henri-Frdric Amiel ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Three jailed after teenager stabbed 30 times in Ilford ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ History on this day, Sept 10, in 2002, Florida tested its new elections system. The test resulted in polling stations opening late and problems occurred with the touch screen voting machines. ___________________________________________________ Daffynitions: Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out. Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating. Decaflon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. Dopelar effect (n.) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly. Extraterrestaurant (n.) An eating place where you feel you've been abducted and experimented upon. Also known as an E-T-ry. Faunacated (adj.) How wildlife ends up when its environment is destroyed. Hence faunacatering (v.), which has made a meal of many species. Foreploy (n.) Any misrepresentation or outright lie about yourself that leads to sex. Grantartica (n.) The cold, isolated place where art companies dwell without funding. Hemaglobe (n.) The bloody state of the world. Intaxication (n.) Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. Kinstirpation (n.) A painful inability to move relatives who come to visit. Lullabuoy (n.) An idea that keeps floating into your head and prevents you from drifting off to sleep. Reignition: The silly act of trying to restart a car whose engine is already running. Audioptics: Turning the car radio down when looking for an address in an unknown neighborhood. Pedalthermic: The ability to adjust the hot water tap with your toes in the bath. Faecalish grin: The distortion of the face after stepping on hot dog poo while barefoot. __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A class from a nearby university was visiting a major drug manufacturer. The tour guide led the students to a glass- enclosed room. They could see several people in white lab coats. With her back to the glass, the guide announced: "In this room researchers are actively searching for a cure for cancer." She stopped short as the group broke out laughing. Puzzled, the guide turned to look. Through the glass she saw three scientists in animated debate, flipping through a Domino's pizza menu. ___________________________________________________ A political pollster knocked on the door and a sour-faced lady answered. "What party does your husband belong to?" he asked. The lady responded curtly, "I sir, am the party he belongs to." __________________________________________________ Thanks to Tamara for this: ___________________________________________________ The Israeli Army major was used to word-wars with the hot- shot Israeli Air Force fliers about crazy Army Tzanhanim (Paratroopers) jumping out of a perfectly good aircraft. "Obviously the Air Force knows there's no such thing as a 'perfectly good aircraft,'" the irritated officer said during an exercise, "because they pay you Air Force schmucks four times as much to stay in one, as the Army pays its men to jump." "You've got it all wrong, Major," the Air Force sergeant replied. "The Army figures anyone stupid enough to jump out of an airplane voluntarily is too dumb to kvetch about the salary." ___________________________________________________ Maury goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare. The man wakes him and asks if he is ok. The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, Auntie Susie dies. One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare. The man again wakes his son and asks if he is ok. This time the son says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, granddaddy dies. One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare, and the man wakes him again. The son says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is ok and sends the boy to bed. The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified. The next day, the man is scared for his life, he is sure is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise and hides under his desk. Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife. "Good God, Dear," he says, "I've just had the worst day of my entire life!" She responds, "You think YOUR day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning." _____________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Linda Re: Why so violent against canned air? Dear Webby Why are you always so violent against canned air? It is not illegal. Linda Dear Linda It SHOULD be illegal. There is more than left-over industrial air in those cans. Remeber how all refrigerators and freezers and AC units had to have their refrigerant replaced in the 90's because the AC guys needed some work and claimed that the gas, that was safely locked up in those units, was hurting the Ozone layer high up in the atmosphere? Most of the old refrigerant was just vented to the atmosphere, some was stored in weird places. That stuff is used as a propellant in the canned air cans. In small quantities that is not a problem. However, a lot of dumb kids use it for "huffing". Whipped Cream cans use laughing gas as a propellant, and if you are careful when using it and always hold the can perfectly upside down, then when the whipped cream is finished, you get a 3 second giggle out of it. THAT is completely harmless. However, kids do that with Canned Air and huff refrigerant. The refrigerant does not give them a giggle. It just makes the feel weird. THAT is NOT harmless and every year a lot of kids do too much of it and die. Your kids or grand kids might be a real nuisance, but are you prepared for a funeral? The most stupid way to use canned air is on keyboards. What is the point in shooting cookie crumbs into your cleavage? Just grab the vacuum cleaner and get rid of cookie crumbs and dust. Have FUN! DearWebby ________________________________________________ Who said men don't communicate well? Husband's note to his wife: "Gynecologist's office called, said Pabst Beer is normal." Who said men don't communicate well? ___________________________________________________ Bubba was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey. His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to look carefully at his client. "Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury," concluded the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant. "Can you sit there in the jury and honestly believe that if my client had ANY whiskey he would sell it?" He was acquitted. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office. Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous." Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour. To err is human, to forgive is not our policy. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing. Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it. You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried. Following the rules will not get the job done. Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules. When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?" No matter how much you do, you never do enough. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong. _______________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock Binabdulaziz, 20, Ashraf Binabdulaziz, 26, and a 17-year-old boy Three jailed after teenager stabbed 30 times in Ilford wo brothers and a teenager have been jailed for committing an extreme and brutal attack that killed 18-year-old Kamran Khalid after a minor disagreement. The ferocious attack ended with Kamran being stabbed in Ilford, east London, more than 30 times after he had an argument with the trio in October 2021. Abubakar Binabdulaziz, 20, his brother Ashraf Binabdulaziz, 26, and a 17-year-old boy who cannot be named for legal reasons, were sentenced on Friday. Detective Chief Inspector Joanna Yorke, from the Metropolitan Police Specialist Crime Command, said: This was an extreme and brutal attack over a minor disagreement. Abubakar Binabdulaziz and the teenage boy carried out a ferocious attack that ended with Kamran being stabbed more than 30 times. The brothers, and the teenager who was aged 15 at the time of the attack, were arrested and charged within a week of Kamrans death. All three defendants, who were previously found guilty at Basildon Crown Court, appeared at the same court on Friday for a sentencing hearing. Abubakar Binabdulaziz, of Eton Road, Ilford was sentenced to 21 years imprisonment for murder. His brother Ashraf, who lived at the same address, was sentenced to 11 years imprisonment for manslaughter. The 17-year-old boy was sentenced to 16 years imprisonment for murder. Police were called to Harrow Road just before 4am to reports of a stabbing. Officers attended with the London Ambulance Service and Londons Air Ambulance. Kamran was found suffering from multiple knife wounds. He was treated at the scene but despite the best efforts of the emergency services to save him, he was pronounced dead a short time later. __________________________________________________ History Today Sept 10, in 1608, John Smith was elected president of the Jamestown, VA colony council. 1794, America's first non-denominational college was chartered. Blount College later became the University of Tennessee. 1813, The first defeat of British naval squadron occurred in the Battle of Lake Erie during the War of 1812. The leader of the U.S. fleet sent the famous message "We have met the enemy, and they are ours" to U.S. General William Henry Harrison. 1845, King Willem II opened Amsterdam Stock exchange. 1846, Elias Howe received a patent for his sewing machine. 1862, Rabbi Jacob Frankel became the first Jewish Army chaplain. 1897, British police arrest George Smith for drunken driving. It was the first DWI. 1899, A second quake in seven days hit Yakutat Bay, AK. It measured 8.6. 1913, The Lincoln Highway opened. It was the first paved coast-to-coast highway in the U.S. 1919, New York City welcomed home 25,000 soldiers and General John J. Pershing who had served in the First Division during World War I. 1919, Austria and the Allies signed the Treaty of St.-Germain- en-Laye. Austria recognized the independence of Poland, Hungary, Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia. 1921, The Ayus Autobahn in Germany opened near Berlin. The road is known for its nonexistent speed limit. 1923, The Irish Free state joined the League of Nations. 1926, Germany joined the League of Nations. 1935, "Popeye" was heard on NBC radio for the first time. 1939, Canada declared war on Germany. 1940, In Britain, Buckingham Palace was hit by German bomb. 1942, U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt mandated gasoline rationing as part of the U.S. wartime effort. 1943, German forces began their occupation of Rome during World War II. 1948, Mildred "Axis Sally" Gillars was indicted for treason in Washington, DC. Gillars was a Nazi radio propagandist during World War II. She was convicted and spent 12 years in prison. 1951, Britain began an economic boycott of Iran. 1953, Swanson began selling its first "TV dinner." 1955, "Gunsmoke" premiered on CBS. 1955, Bert Parks began a 25-year career as host of the "Miss America Pageant" on NBC. 1956, Great Britain performed a nuclear test at Maralinga, Australia. 1963, Twenty black students entered public schools in Alabama at the end of a standoff between federal authorities and Alabama governor George C. Wallace. 1979, U.S. President Carter granted clemency to four Puerto Rican nationalists who had been imprisoned for an attack on the U.S. House of Representatives in 1954 and an attempted assassination of U.S. President Truman in 1950. 1981, Pablo Picasso's mural Guernica was received in the town of Guernica. 1984, The Federal Communications Commission changed a rule to allow broadcasters to own 12 AM and 12 FM radio stations. The previous limit was 7 of each. 1989, Hungary gave permission to thousands of East German refugees and visitors to immigrate to West Germany. 1990, Iraq's Saddam Hussein offered free oil to developing nations in an attempt to win their support during the Gulf War Crisis. 1998, U.S. President Clinton met with members of his Cabinet to apologize, ask forgiveness and promise to improve as a person in the wake of the scandal involving Monica Lewinsky. 1998, Northwest Airlines announced an agreement with pilots, ending a nearly two-week walkout. 1999, A bronze sculpture of a war horse just over 24 feet high was dedicated in Milan, Italy. 2002, Florida tested its new elections system. The test resulted in polling stations opening late and problems occurred with the touch screen voting machines. 2002, The "September 11: Bearing Witness to History" exhibit opened at the Smithsonian's National Museum of American History. 2002, Switzerland became the 190th member of the United Nations. 2023, Do smiled.
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