Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, February 24 Thank you, Nancy! Thank you, James!! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Blood Alcohol Record Of "Highly Intoxicated" Oregon Motorist ___________________________________________________ Today, February 24 in 1903 In Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, an area was leased to the U.S. for a naval base. ____________________________________________________ When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) Money can't buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy. --- Spike Milligan ____________________________________________________ On vacation with her family in Montana, a mother drove her van past a church in a small town and pointing to it, told the children that it was St. Francis' Church. "It must be a franchise," her eight-year-old son said. "We've got one of those in our town too." ____________________________________________________ A faithful couple got the bad news from their doctor. They couldn't have any children. On the way home from the Doctor they were led to drop by to see their pastor to ask for prayer. The Pastor ran an auto repair shop on the side, so they dropped by the shop. After they explained the situation, the pastor was led to pray for them on the spot. He looked around, grabbed a can of three-in-one oil and quickly blessed it to anoint them. Sure enough about 9 months later they had triplets. The couple once again showed up at the pastor's study and as soon as the woman saw the pastor she ran up to him, threw her arms around him and gave him the biggest hug. "What was that all about"? He asked. She replied "I'm just glad you used three-in-one oil and not WD-40." ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ She looked like such a sweet little old lady, driving the cute Toyota with a bumper sticker that said: "Get your own dope." How sweet, I thought, must be a medical marijuana patient. Then I noticed the rest of her message: "Buy a politician." __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nathan Danzuka, 28, Madras, Oregon, USA Blood Alcohol Record Of "Highly Intoxicated" Oregon Motorist Police today identified the DUI suspect as Nathan Danzuka, 28. Danzuka, pictured below, was arrested last year for DUI and reckless endangering, according to jail records. In what appears to be a new record for extreme DUI, a motorists blood alcohol content was measured at .77--more than nine times the legal limit--after he crashed his car following a short police chase Friday afternoon, Oregon cops report. According to investigators, the driver--who has not been named pending the filing of criminal charges--was involved in a hit-and-run in Madras, a city 125 miles southeast of Portland. Upon locating the suspect vehicle, a Ford Explorer, cops sought to pull over the driver, but he sped away. A short chase ended when the man, who cops described as HIGHLY intoxicated, lost control of his car and crashed into a concrete barrier. The driver was subsequently transported to a local hospital for a medical evaluation. A blood sample taken from the suspect was tested and showed his blood alcohol level was .778. The states legal limit is .08. Officers observed several alcoholic beverage containers within the vehicle, according to the Warm Springs Police Department. The motorist, who is facing multiple criminal charges, was driving on a suspended license due to a prior DUI conviction. Previously, the highest BACs reported in these pages were the .72 recorded by an Oregon woman in 2007 and the .708 recorded by a South Dakota woman in 2009. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Brent Re: Wide weather service Dear Webby, have you got any links to weather sites that don't just show my local area? Thanks Brent Dear Brent Here are some good ones: Weather Underground WxUSA AccuWeather NASA's Weather And then there is also still the Farmer's Almanach: Farmer's Almanach Weather Have FUN! DearWebby Q: How did Jennifer get her ears pierced ? A: Answering the stapler. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her "Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you." When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her. "Which word?" the woman asked. "Love." The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven. About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?" "Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And, my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," the woman told him. "Which word?" her husband asked. "Czechoslovakia." Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry ... there'll be Hell to pay later. ____________________________________________ >From Myrna If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all. ____________________________________________ I'm a counsellor who helps coordinate support groups for visually-impaired adults. Many participants have a condition known as macular degeneration, which makes it difficult for them to distinguish facial features. I had just been assigned to a new group and was introducing myself. Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see me well, I jokingly said, "For those of you who can't see me, I've been told that I look like a cross between Paul Newman and Robert Redford." Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THAT blind!" ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today February 24 in 1803 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled itself to be the final interpreter of all constitutional issues. 1835 "Siwinowe Kesibwi" (The Shawnee Sun) was issued as the first Indian language monthly publication in the U.S. 1839 Mr. William S. Otis received a patent for the steam shovel. 1857 The first shipment of perforated postage stamps was received by the U.S. Government. 1900 New York City Mayor Van Wyck signed the contract to begin work on New York's first rapid transit tunnel. The tunnel would link Manhattan and Brooklyn. 1903 In Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, an area was leased to the U.S. for a naval base. 1925 A thermit bomb was used for the first time. It was used to break up a 250,000-ton ice jam that had clogged the St. Lawrence River near Waddington, NY. 1938 The first nylon bristle toothbrush was made. It was the first time that nylon yarn had been used commercially. 1942 The U.S. Government stopped shipments of all 12-gauge shotguns for sporting use for the wartime effort. 1942 The Voice of America (VOA) aired for the first time. 1945 During World War II, the Philippine capital of Manilla, was liberated by U.S. soldiers. 1946 Juan Peron was elected president of Argentina. 1956 The city of Cleveland invoked a 1931 law that barred people under the age of 18 from dancing in public without an adult guardian. 1980 NBC premiered the TV movie "Harper Valley P.T.A." 1981 Buckingham Palace announced the engagement of Britain's Prince Charles to Lady Diana Spencer. 1983 A U.S.congressional commission released a report that condemned the internment of Japanese-Americans during World War II. 1987 An exploding supernova was discovered in the Large Magellanic Cloud galaxy. 1988 The U.S. Supreme Court overturned a $200,000 award to Rev. Jerry Falwell that had been won against "Hustler" magazine. The ruling expanded legal protections for parody and satire. 1989 Irans Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini sentenced Salman Rushdie to death for his novel "The Satanic Verses". A bounty of one to three-million-dollars was also put on Rushidie's head. 1989 A United Airlines 747 jet rips open in flight killing 9 people. The flight was from Honolulu to New Zealand. 1994 In Los Angeles, Garrett Morris was shot during a robbery attempt. He eventually recovered from his injury. 1997 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration named six brands of birth control as safe and effective "morning-after" pills for preventing pregnancy. 1999 In southeast China, a domestic airliner crashed killing all 64 passengers. 2007 The Virginia General Assembly passed a resolution expressing "profound regret" for the state's role in slavery. 2008 Cuba's parliament named Raul Castro president. His brother Fidel had ruled for nearly 50 years. 2021 Do smiled. |
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