Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, May 19 One of many things I like about Canada: Every May 20, my birthday, or the Monday closest to it, we have a Stat Holiday long weekend. I have to work anyway, but it still feels good. _____________________________________________________ Today, May 19 in 1964 Erno Rubik invented the puzzle what would later become known as the Rubik's Cube. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Female Goth Busted For Facebook Post Threatening Elementary School Shooting ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ If you look good and dress well, you don't need a purpose in life. --- Robert Pante _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do, because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start a woman from the center of the row got up and started working her way out. "Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuseme." By the time she got to me I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient, so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?" "No!!" she said in a loud whisper, "The TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE message just now flashed up on the screen, and mine is in the car." ______________________________________________________` Lighthouse for sale, cheap! Poe Reef Lighthouse The lovely Poe Reef Lighthouse is located in Lake Huron at the east end of South Channel between Bois Blanc Island and the mainland of the Lower Peninsula of Michigan, about 6 miles east of Cheboygan. It is not named after the Poe we all probably think of at first, but rather, Orlando M. Poe, a lighthouse chief engineer. The Poe Reef Lighthouse went into service on August 15, 1929 and is comprised of a 71-foot tall white square tower on a concrete crib. Starting bids begin at $10,000. Not in walking distance of a Walmart! _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Juliana Cote, 26, Tampa, Florida Female Goth Busted For Facebook Post Threatening Elementary School Shooting The 26-year-old Floridian was arrested early this morning and charged with making a written threat to conduct a mass shooting, a felony for which she has been jailed in lieu of $7500 bond. Cote was arrested at her Tampa home at 4:50 AM, hours after allegedly writing on her Facebook page that she was heading to the nearest elementary school now. To shoot everyone. Then myself if im fast enough. GUN POWER!!!! The post, which describes Cote as a unipolar manic autistic, is accompanied by a photo of a tiny gun (though it is unclear that it is an actual weapon, as opposed to a toy or a piece of jewelry). From: Yolanda Re: Which RAR program? Dear Webby I need to download a WINRAR program to view RAR files. Which one would you recommend? Thank you for all your help.. Loyal reader, Yolanda Dear Yolanda Winzip reads rar files. You can also use Win-Rar from http://www.win-rar.com/ or a free trial from http://www.download.com/WinRAR/3000-2250_4- 10007677.html There is no real reason to use RAR, except for pretending to be snooty and different. File compression is about the same as with ZIP, but RAR takes longer to compress and decompress than ZIP does. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks....Rufus and Clarence. They lived on opposite sides of the river, and they hated each other. Every morning, just after sun-up, Rufus and Clarence would go down to their respective sides of the river and yell at each other. "Rufus!!" Clarence would shout. "You better thank yor lucky stars I cain't swim.... er I'd swim this river and whup your butt!!" "Clarence!!!" Rufus would holler back. "You better thank YOUR lucky stars that I cain't swim... er I'd swim this river and whup your skinny butt!!!" This happened every morning for twenty years. One day the Army Corps of Engineers came along and built a bridge. Still, every morning, every day for another five years this yelling across the river goes on, even with the bridge. Finally....Mrs.Rufus had had enough. "Rufus!" she squallers one day. "I cain't take no more!! Ever day for 25 years you've been threatenin' to whup Clarence. Well, there's the bridge......have at it." Rufus thought for a minute. Chewed his bottom lip for another minute. "Woman!" he declared, snapping his suspenders into place, "I'm gonin' across that thar bridge and I'm gonna whup Clarence's butt!!!" He walked out the door, down to the river, along the riverbank, came to the bridge, stepped up onto the bridge, walked about halfway over the bridge, looked up..... Turned tail and ran screaming back to the house, slammed the door, bolted the windows, grabbed the shotgun and dove, panting and gasping, under the bed. "Rufus!" cried the Missus. "I thought you wuz gonna whup Clarence's butt!!!" "I was, woman, I was!!" he whispered. "Rufus!" cried the Missus. "What in tarnation is the matter?" "Well," muttered the terror-stricken Rufus, "I went to the bridge...... I stepped up on the bridge..... walked halfway over the bridge.... looked up....." "And?" asked Mrs. Rufus, breathless with suspense. "And," continued Rufus, "I saw a sign that said, 'Clearance, 13 feet, 6 inches'. He ain't NEVER looked that big from our side of the river!!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
The flight home from a recent business trip was pretty empty, so the pilot made a simple request of the passengers. "We have a little extra room tonight, folks," he said over the PA system. "So, if you wouldn't mind, please take a window seat so that the competition thinks the plane is full." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Makeshift Funnel Don't have a funnel handy? Aluminum foil can be easily crafted into a funnel that will work in a pinch. Get a piece of aluminum foil that is twice as long as it is wide and fold it to form a square, use this to roll into a funnel. thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________ | | 18 hysterical photos from the Wildlife Comedy Photography Awards. |
___________________________________________________ After a recent move, I made up a list of companies, agencies, and services that needed to know my new address and phoned each one to ask for the change to be made. Everything went smoothly until I called one of my frequent flier accounts. After I explained to the representative what I wanted to do, the woman told me, "I'm sorry; we can't do that over the phone. You will have to fill out our change-of address form." "How do I get one of those?" I asked. "We'd be happy to provide you with one," she said pleasantly. "May I have your new address so that I can mail it to you?" ---------- That's not as bad as the incompetent bozos at Capital1-Costco. They had a database "anomaly" last spring and had to somehow recreate it. In the process, they mixed up my postal address and my street address. I have an old, no longer used, plain Capital1 card, that does not have the postal and street address mixed up. Guess what, Capital1-Costco can not correct their wrong entry and is blocking me from online access. Cussing at the idjits does not help. Nobody there who can walk and chew gum on the same day. ___________________________________________________ >From Dean My wife doesn't complain often, but once she was having a old-fashioned "heart-to-heart" with me and said, "Hon, you never listen to me. Every time I try to talk to you, you get this far- away look in your eyes after only a few seconds. Please promise me you'll try to work on that." The last thing I remember was replying, "I'm sorry, what was that you were saying?" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Because of an ear infection, my young son, Casey, had to go to the pediatrician. I was impressed with the way the doctor directed his comments and questions to my son. When he asked Casey, "Is there anything you are allergic to?" Casey nodded and whispered in his ear. Smiling, the pediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to me. Without looking at it, I tucked it into my purse. Later, the pharmacist filled the order, remarking on the unusual food-drug interaction my son must have. When he saw my puzzled expression, he showed me the label on the bottle. As per the doctor's instructions, it read: "Do not take with broccoli." ___________________________________________________ | Today May 19 in 1535 French explorer Jacques Cartier set sail for North America. 1536 Anne Boleyn, the second wife of England's King Henry VIII, was beheaded after she was convicted of adultery. 1568 After being defeated by the Protestants, Mary the Queen of Scots, fled to England where she was imprisoned by Queen Elizabeth. 1588 The Spanish Armada set sail from Lisbon, bound for England. 1608 The Protestant states formed the Evangelical Union of Lutherans and Calvinists. 1643 Delegates from four New England colonies met in Boston to form a confederation. 1643 The French army defeated a Spanish army at Rocroi, France. 1796 The first U.S. game law was approved. The measure called for penalties for hunting or destroying game within Indian territory. 1847 The first English-style railroad coach was placed in service on the Fall River Line in Massachusetts. 1857 The electric fire alarm system was patented by William F. Channing and Moses G. Farmer. 1858 A pro-slavery band led by Charles Hameton executed unarmed Free State men near Marais des Cygnes on the Kansas-Missouri border. 1864 The Union and Confederate armies launched their last attacks against each other at Spotsylvania in Virginia. 1911 The first American criminal conviction that was based on fingerprint evidence occurred in New York City. 1921 The U.S. Congress passed the Emergency Quota Act, which established national quotas for immigrants. 1926 Thomas Edison spoke on the radio for the first time. 1926 Benito Mussolini announced that democracy was deceased. Rome became a fascist state. 1926 In Damascus, Syria, French shells killed 600 people. 1928 The first frog-jumping jubilee held in Calaveras County, CA. 1935 T.E. Lawrence "Lawrence of Arabia" died from injuries in a motorcycle crash in England. 1943 Winston Churchill told the U.S. Congress that his country was pledging their full support in the war against Japan. 1958 Canada and the U.S. formally established the North American Air Defense Command. 1962 Marilyn Monroe performed a sultry rendition of "Happy Birthday" for U.S. President John F. Kennedy. The event was a fund-raiser at New York's Madison Square Garden. 1964 The U.S. State Department reported that diplomats had found about 40 microphones planted in the U.S. Embassy in Moscow. 1967 The Soviet Union ratified a treaty with the United States and Britain that banned nuclear weapons from outer space. 1964 Erno Rubik invented the puzzle what would later become known as the Rubik's Cube. 1967 U.S. planes bombed Hanoi for the first time. 1988 In Jacksonville, FL, Carlos Lehder Rivas was convicted of smuggling more than three tons of cocaine into the United States. Rivas was the co-founder of Colombia's Medellin drug cartel. 1992 In Massapequa, NY, Mary Jo Buttafuoco was shot and seriously wounded by Amy Fisher. Fisher was her husband Joey's teen-age lover. 1992 The 27th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution went into effect. The amendment prohibits Congress from giving itself midterm pay raises. 1998 In Russia, strikes broke out over unpaid wages. 1998 Bandits stole three of Rome's most important paintings from the National Gallery of Modern Art. 1999 "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace" was released in the U.S. It set a new record for opening day sales at 28.5 million. 2000 The bones of the most complete and best-preserved Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton went on display in Chicago. 2003 It was announced that Worldcom Inc. would pay investors $500 million to settle civil fraud charges over its $11 billion accounting scandal. 2003 Hundreds of Albert Einstein's scientific papers, personal letters and humanist essays were make available on the Internet. Einstein had given the papers to the Hebrew Universtiy of Jerusalem in his will. 2005 "Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith" brought in 50.0 million in its opening day. 2013 The Yahoo board approved the $1.1 billion purchase of the blogging site Tumblr. 2019 Do smiled. |
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