Good Morning, Do! Thank you, Nancy! Today is Saturday, January 29 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Today, January 29, in 1886 - The first successful petrol-driven motorcar, built by Karl Benz, was patented. ___________________________________________________ Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening. --- Barbara Tober Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something. --- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988) "A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents." --- G. C. Lichtenberg ___________________________________________________ Do was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. "If you had five pounds," said the teacher, "and I asked you for the loan of three pounds, how many would you have left?" "Five," said Do firmly. "Five?" the teacher said "How do you make it five?" "Well," replied Do "You can ask for a loan of three pounds, but after what you said at the last Parent-Teacher meeting, just asking for a loan doesn't mean you will automatically get it." ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Clearwater women arrested after throwing glitter at man while breaking into his apartment ____________________________________________________   ____________________________________________________ Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea. "I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous." "My William used to do the same thing," the older woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit." "How?" "I hid his teeth." "Serves him right for hiding YOUR teeth so that you couldn't go to the mall." ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Clearwater, Florida, USA  Clearwater women arrested after throwing glitter at man while breaking into his apartment  Clearwater police arrested two women accused of breaking into a man's apartment and throwing glitter at him during a dispute. Police said the incident happened just before 3 a.m. Monday, when 29-year-old Sarah Franks and 27-year-old Kaitlin O'Donovan showed up at the victim's Clearwater apartment. According to their arrest affidavits, the women began arguing with the man as he stood on his fenced patio, located on the ground level of the apartment building. That's when police said they threw a container of glitter at the victim, hitting him in his head and upper torso. Franks then allegedly jumped over the patio's fence and entered the victim's apartment, where investigators said she then threw more containers of glitter at him. Meanwhile, the affidavit said O'Donovan had walked around to the front door of the apartment, so Franks unlocked the door to let her inside. Police said the women then threw more containers of glitter at the victim. Before leaving the victim's apartment, investigators said Franks kicked a lower apartment window until it broke. The women then fled the apartment complex in their vehicle. About an hour later, investigators tracked the car back to their apartment and said the vehicle was still warm to the touch. Police spotted glitter inside the car. Officers then saw Franks walking in the area wearing the same clothing the victim had told them she wore at the time of the incident. Police arrested both women and charged them with felony burglary with assault or battery. Franks was also charged with criminal mischief, a misdemeanor, for allegedly kicking out the apartment window. Franks and O'Donovan were taken to the Pinellas County Jail and each given $75,000 bond. Franks was released, while O'Donovan remains behind bars.  ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  From: Alex Re: Windows Gadgets gone missing Dear Webby I lost my analog clock and calendar, that I have had in the uppper right corner of my right hand monitor for probably 20 years. Maybe more. Microsoft says I should move to W10, and on the same page they also tell me to move to W11. I guess those don't work either. Now WHAT? I need those gadgets! Alex  Dear Alex The history of the gadgets is as complicated as Government. About 10 years ago some guy created about a hundred gadgets, including about 25 really cute analog clocks. Then he sold them all to an evil mother-in-law, who put them on the net with some downloader, that added a really nasty Trojan. You COULD download just the gagets, without the Trojan, but you had to pay attention. Well som Yuppie at Microsoft downloaded the gadgets without paying attention, and got thoroughly skunked. So some people got severely yelled at, all without anybody paying attention to reality, and ALL gadgets got banned. About half a dozen years later some major mishap required restoring W7 back to an old working copy. Again, nobody paid attention, and so the gadgets got unblocked. Naturally, nobody made a fuss about it and the news were just quietly passed along via Skype. You can try this: Right-click on an empty spot on the screen. Select Gadgets After a while a screen pops that has about 10 gadgets on it. Click on the analog clock and drag it to an empty spot on the screen. Do the same with the Calendar. After that it is best to x out of the selector screen without getting too greedy. Those two gagets work just fine in W7, and possibly even in W10, just don't mention it to Microsoft! Have FUN! DearWebby 
 An Easterner was riding with a rancher over a blistering and almost barren stretch of West Texas, when a strange bird scurried in front of them. Asked by the Easterner what the bird was, the rancher replied, "That's a bird of paradise." The stranger from the East rode on in silence for a moment, then said, "Long way from home, isn't it??" ...and the fight was on.... 
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 _____________________________________________  In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur." The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular wine, but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary. "Could you please spell that?" she asked. "You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e". ______________________________________________ Jill was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, "Where were you the night of August 24th?" "Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!" "Oh, that's okay," said Jill from the witness stand. "I don't mind answering the question." "I object!" the defense said again. "No, really," Jill said. "I'll answer." The judge ruled: "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object." So the prosecutor repeated the question: "Where were you the night of August 24th?" Jill replied brightly, "I don't know." ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Petra had forgotten to get her estrogen patch prescription refilled, and soon the symptoms of menopause--hot flashes, forgetfulness, irritability, short temper, bossiness, aches and pains, etc., etc. returned. Eventually she wound up at the drugstore and was telling the pharmacist all about her problems. After listening patiently, he asked, "So, how many people asked you to get this refilled?" ___________________________________________________  
 Today, January 29, in 1820 - Britain's King George III died insane at Windsor Castle. 1848 - Greenwich Mean Time was adopted by Scotland. 1850 - Henry Clay introduced in the Senate a compromise bill on slavery that included the admission of California into the Union as a free state. 1856 - Britain's highest military decoration, the Victoria Cross, was founded by Queen Victoria. 1886 - The first successful petrol-driven motorcar, built by Karl Benz, was patented. 1916 - In World War I, Paris was bombed by German zeppelins for the first time. 1924 - R. Taylor patented the ice cream cone rolling machine. 1940 - The W. Atlee Burpee Seed Company displayed the first tetraploid flowers at the New York City Flower Show. 1949 - "The Newport News" was commissioned as the first air- conditioned naval ship in Virginia. 1963 - Britain was refused entry into the EEC. 1979 - U.S. President Carter formally welcomed Chinese Vice Premier Deng Xiaoping to the White House. The visit followed the establishment of diplomatic relations. 1987 - "Physicians Weekly" announced that the smile on the face of Leonardo DeVinci's Mona Lisa was caused by a "...facial paralysis resulting from a swollen nerve behind the ear." 1990 - Joseph Hazelwood, the former skipper of the Exxon Valdez, went on trial in Anchorage, AK, on charges that stemmed from America's worst oil spill. Hazelwood was later acquitted of all the major charges and was convicted of a misdemeanor. 1996 - French President Jacques Chirac announced the "definitive end" to nuclear testing. 1996 - La Fenice, the 204 year old opera house in Venice, was destroyed by fire. Arson was suspected. 1997 - America Online agreed to give refunds to frustrated customers under threat of lawsuits across the country. Customers were unable to log on after AOL offered a flat $19.95-a-month rate. 1998 - A bomb exploded at an abortion clinic in Birmingham, AL, killing an off-duty policeman and severely wounding a nurse. Eric Rudolph was charged with this bombing and three other attacks in Atlanta. 1999 - Paris prosecutors announced the end of the investigation into the accident that killed Britain's Princess Diana. 1999 - The U.S. Senate delivered subpoenas for Monica Lewinsky and two presidential advisers for private, videotaped testimony in the impeachment trial. 2001 - In Indonesia, thousands of student protesters stormed the parliament property and demanded that President Abdurrahman Wahid quit due to his alleged involvement in two corruption scandals. Wahid announced that he would not resign. 2014 - Archaeologists announced that they had uncovered what they believed to be the oldest temple in Roman antiquity. The temple was found at the Sant'Omobono site in central Rome. 2021 Do smiled. 

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