Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, March 4 Today's Bonehead Award:  Alabama man tried to blow up mom with propane  ______________________________________________________ Today, March 4 in 1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath. --- Dave Barry (1947 - ) One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man. --- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915) The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. --- Victor Hugo ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ On a lonely, moonlit country road a young man's car engine started to cough. Immediately pulling over to a scenic little spot he said to the young lady next to him, "That's funny, I wonder what that knocking noise was?" "I'll tell you one thing for sure," said the girl coolly, "It wasn't opportunity." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ross for this story: "Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, ..." when little Jason interrupted, "My mommy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!" ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
 If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  Thanks for your votes!
 ___________________________________________________   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Roger Dale Johnson, 45, Woodville, Alabama  Alabama man tried to blow up mom with propane  An Alabama man is jailed on charges of trying to blow up his mother using a propane tank in a booby-trapped storage shed. Chief Deputy Rocky Harnen of the Jackson County Sheriff's Office tells news outlets a woman called police saying she was worried her son was both on drugs and storing propane in a shed. Harnen says an officer went to the home and a small explosion occurred when the officer and the man's mother entered the building. Harnen says a small device was supposed to explode and ignite the propane, but the gas wasn't turned on. No one was hurt. Records show 45-year-old Roger Dale Johnson of Woodville is charged with attempted assault and possession of a destructive device.  
 From: Carol Re: Windows Updates  Dear DearWebby I'm running W7; can't pay me enough to run W10! I'm not one to download new special packs right away; I like to have them take the bugs out first. May I have your opinion of the W7 updates? Thanks, you've taught me a lot by reading your Q&A; and you've answered many question to me as well. Carol  Dear Carol Don't panic. There are no new goodies in it anyway, just new bugs. Have Fun! DearWebby  
  Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 The preacher's 5-year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head, for a moment, before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon." "How come He never does?" she asked. 
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!" ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Chopsticks as Knitting Needles In a pinch, you can use bamboo chopsticks as knitting needles. Just sharpen the tips of the chopsticks in a pencil sharpener then dull them a little so they aren't too sharp. Ask for extras the next time you get take out.  Thriftyfun.com   ____________________________________________________   Live view from the space station. High res.  ___________________________________________________ At a boat-rental concession, the manager went to the lake's edge and yelled through his megaphone, "Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up." Several minutes passed, but the boat didn't return. "Boat number 99," he again hollered, "return to the dock immediately or I'll have to charge you overtime." "Something is wrong here, boss," his assistant said. "We only have 75 boats. There is no number 99." The manager thought for a moment and then raised his mega- phone: "Boat number 66," he yelled. "Are you having trouble out there?" ___________________________________________________ "The other day a man in London dressed as Darth Vader got drunk and assaulted two men dressed as Jedi knights. He was sentenced to two months in jail and 10 more years living in his parents' basement." --- Conan O'Brien ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Thanks to Minka for this story: "Doctor, I'd like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son." "OK: He's most likely suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery." "How can you say all that without even meeting him?" "I thought you said he's 13?" ___________________________________________________  
 Today March 4 in 1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA. 1681 England's King Charles II granted a charter to William Penn for an area that later became the state of Pennsylvania. 1766 The British Parliament repealed the Stamp Act, which had caused bitter and violent opposition in the U.S. colonies. 1778 The Continental Congress voted to ratify the Treaty of Amity and Commerce and the Treaty of Alliance. The two treaties were the first entered into by the U.S. government. 1789 The first Congress of the United States met in New York and declared that the U.S. Constitution was in effect. 1794 The 11th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed by the U.S. Congress. The Amendment limited the jurisdiction of the federal courts to automatically hear cases brought against a state by the citizens of another state. Later interpretations expanded this to include citizens of the state being sued, as well. 1813 The Russians fighting against Napoleon reached Berlin. The French garrison evacuated the city without a fight. 1826 The first railroad in the U.S. was chartered. It was the Granite Railway in Quincy, MA. 1861 The Confederate States of America adopted the "Stars and Bars" flag. 1877 Emile Berliner invented the microphone. 1880 Halftone engraving was used for the first time when the "Daily Graphic" was published in New York City. 1902 The American Automobile Association was founded in Chicago. 1904 In Korea, Russian troops retreated toward the Manchurian border as 100,000 Japanese troops advanced. 1908 The New York board of education banned the act of whipping students in school. 1908 France notified signatories of Algeciras that it would send troops to Chaouia, Morocco. 1914 Doctor Fillatre successfully separated Siamese twins. 1952 U.S. President Harry Truman dedicated the "Courier," the first seagoing radio broadcasting station. 1954 In Boston, Peter Bent Brigham Hospital reported the first successful kidney transplant. 1975 Queen Elizabeth knighted Charlie Chaplin. 1989 Time, Inc. and Warner Communications Inc. announced a plan to merge. 1991 Sheik Saad al-Jaber al-Sabah, the prime minister of Kuwait, returned to his country for the first time since Iraq's invasion. 1994 Bosnia's Croats and Moslems signed an agreement to form a federation in a loose economic union with Croatia. 1997 U.S. President Clinton barred federal spending on human cloning. 1998 Microsoft repaired software that apparently allowed hackers to shut down computers in government and university offices nationwide. 1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that federal law banned on-the- job sexual harassment even when both parties are the same sex. 1999 Monica Lewinsky's book about her affair with U.S. President Clinton went on sale in the U.S. 2002 Canada banned human embryo cloning but permitted government- funded scientists to use embryos left over from fertility treatment or abortions. 2012 Vladimir Putin won re-election in Russia's presidential election. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them
in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog