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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, February 8, in 1952, Queen Elizabeth II ascended to the British throne. Her father, George VI, had died on February 6. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Awards: Arizona man arrested for downloading child porn __________________________________________________ Q Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses. ---- Socratex History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. --- Abba Eban (1915 - 2002) "A philanthropist is someone who returns publicly what he stole privately" --- George Bernard Shaw ________________________________________________ A nun and a biker were standing in an elevator. Being the nice person that she was, she looked over at him, smiled and said: "T. G. I. M." The biker looked back at her and said: "S. H. I. T" The nun was shocked. She turned to the biker and said: "There was no reason to be rude, all I said was "Thank God It's Monday". The biker grinned at her and said: "Well you must have misunderstood me because all I said was, "Sorry Honey It's Tuesday" __________________________________________________ A man's car stalled on a country road. When he got out to try to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him. "Your trouble is probably in the carburetor," said the cow. Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met the farmer. He told the farmer his story. "Was it a large brown cow with a white spot over the right eye?" asked the farmer. "Yes!" "Oh, I wouldn't listen to Bessie," said the Farmer. "She only knows tractors and diesels but doesn't really have a clue about gasoline engines." __________________________________________________ Kananaskis, AB _________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ____________________________________________________ The new preacher, at this first service, had a pitcher of water and a glass on the pulpit. As he preached,he drank until the pitcher of water was completely gone. After the service, someone asked an old woman of the church, "How did you like the new pastor?" "Fine," she said, "but he's first windmill I ever saw that runs on water." ____________________________________________________ Donald T ___________________________________________________ The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job. "Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking lemons?" "Well... as a matter if fact, Yes !" she replied. "I've been divorced seven times." ___________________________________________________ One morning, while shaving, a fellow started cursing and swearing so loudly it attracted the attention of his wife, who was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. "What's the matter?" she called out. "My razor -- it won't cut!" he answered. "Don't be silly, dear!" she declared. "You mean to tell me your beard is tougher than linoleum?" __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Mackenzie Stephenson, 35, CHINO VALLEY, Arizona, USA Arizona man arrested for downloading child porn The Yavapai County Sheriff's Office says deputies executed a search warrant on Jan 26 at a home in Chino Valley "looking for an occupant that was believed to be in possession of child pornography." Investigators say a computer inside the home was used to download pornographic images involving children. "This search warrant execution was determined to be of high risk to all involved, precipitating the need for YCSO SWAT to secure the premises prior to detectives entering the home," the sheriff's office said. YCSO says 35-year-old Mackenzie Stephenson was arrested and booked into jail. He is accused of 10 counts of sexual exploitation of a minor. Other people inside the home were "cleared of any suspicion related to this case." "YCSO is adamant that child pornographers involved in the abuse and exploitation of innocents will not be tolerated," the sheriff's office said. "The offense can carry a 10-year prison sentence per image often making an arrest of this kind a life sentence for the offender." ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this report: A hot red convertible with an equally hot woman driver raced by as my husband and his friend stopped to stare. "Wow," sighed Rick. "Nice." "Yeah," agreed his buddy, transfixed. "What color was the car?" I asked. They answered simultaneously, "Blonde". _____________________________________________________ A man dies and goes to heaven, and Saint Peter asks him what religion he belongs to. The man tells him, and Saint Peter says, "Oh, we have a lot of your kind here. In fact, we have a special room for all of you, so you can all be together." He leads the man down a long hallway with doors on either side. They pass one door and they hear a bunch of yelling and hollering inside. "Who's in that room?" the man asks. "Oh, those are the holy rollers," says Saint Peter. "They make a lot of noise but they're pretty harmless". They pass by another door which is nearly shaking off its hinges. "Who's in there?" the man asks. "That's the room for the Shakers," replies Saint Peter. Then they approach another door. Saint Peter whispers to the man, "We must be very quiet going past this door. Don't make a sound." They tiptoe past the door and when they get farther down the hallway the man asks Saint Peter who was in that room. "Oh, those are the Catholics. They think they're the only ones up here!" _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Dave RE: Wired or wireless mouse Dear Webby, What lasts longer, a wired or a wireless mouse? I know they all die when you are in an important life or death situation, and we all forget to buy a new one, when we use up the last spare. And what is more reliable: Microsoft or Logitech? Dave Dear Dave There is no difference between Microsoft and Logitech. I have heard many rumors that both are made in the same factory in China. Theoretically, wireless mice SHOULD last longer. Actually, they don't. When a wireless mouse slows down sideways or up/down movements, changing the batteries does not help. Time to put it onto a good size rock and hammer it flat, so that you will never again waste time on it. You CAN limp along for a bit by using your hero's chest as a mouse pad, but that is extremely tedious. Since you are a fart smella, you have a spare on a top shelf, that is way too high for anybody to consider it the emergency warehouse. If your secret leaks out, I will guarantee that somebody will borrow it for an emergecy. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ The Bricklayer Here follows a tale of an accident report form filed by a bricklayer: "I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You ask for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I was working alone on the roof of a six-story building. When I completed my work I found I had some bricks left over which later were found to weigh 240lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240lbs of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135lbs. Needless to say i proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor I met the barrel which was proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions, and the broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep in to the pulley. Fortunately I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly on to the rope. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel . Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50lbs. I refer you again to my weight. I began a rapid descent. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when i fell onto the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay in pain on the pile of bricks I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its rapid descent back towards me." ____________________________________________________ Today, February 8 in 1693, A charter was granted for the College of William and Mary in Williamsburg, VA. 1802, Simon Willard patented the banjo clock. 1861, The Confederate States of America was formed. 1861, A Cheyenne delegation and some Arapaho leaders accepted a new settlement (Treaty of Fort Wise) with the U.S. Federal government. The deal ceded most of their land but secured a 600-square mile reservation and annuity payments. 1896, The Western Conference was formed by representatives of Midwestern universities. The group changed its name to the Big 10 Conference. 1900, In South Africa, British troops under Gen. Buller were beaten at Ladysmith. The British fled over the Tugela River. 1904, The Russo-Japanese War began with Japan attacking Russian forces in Manchuria. 1910, William D. Boyce incorporated the Boy Scouts of America. 1918, During World War I, "The Stars and Stripes" was published under orders from General John J. Pershing for the United States Army forces in France. It was published from February 8, 1918 to June 13, 1919. 1922, The White House began using radio after U.S. President Harding had it installed. 1927, The original version of "Getting Gerties Garter" opened at the Hippodrome Theatre in New York City. 1936, The first National Football League draft was held. Jay Berwanger was the first to be selected. He went to the Philadelphia Eagles. 1952, Queen Elizabeth II ascended to the British throne. Her father, George VI, had died on February 6. 1963, The Kennedy administration prohibited travel to Cuba and made financial and commercial transactions with Cuba illegal for U.S. citizens. 1963, Lamar Hunt, owner of the American Football League franchise in Dallas, TX, moved the operation to Kansas City. The new team was named the Chiefs. 1969, The last issue of the "Saturday Evening Post" was published. It was revived in 1971 as a quarterly publication and later a 6 times a year. 1971, The Nasdaq stock-market index debuted. 1973, U.S. Senate leaders named seven members of a select partisan committee to investigate the Watergate scandal. 1974, The three-man crew of the Skylab space station returned to Earth after 84 days. 1978, The U.S. Senate deliberations were broadcast on radio for the first time. The subject was the Panama Canal treaties. 1980, U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced a plan to re- introduce draft registration. 1985, "The Dukes of Hazzard" ended its 6-1/2 year run on CBS television. 1993, General Motors sued NBC, alleging that "Dateline NBC" had rigged two car-truck crashes to show that some GM pickups were prone to fires after certain types of crashes. The suit was settled the following day by NBC. 2002, The exhibit "Places of Their Own" opened at the National Museum of Women in the Arts. The works displayed were by Georgia O'Keeffe, Frida Kahlo and Emily Carr. 2022 Do smiled.
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