Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, July 29 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award:Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, July 29 in 1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was inaugurated when two people held a conversation between New York, NY and San Francisco, CA. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
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 The most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after the revolution. --- Hannah Arendt (1906 - 1975) Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers. --- Daniel J. Boorstin (1914 - ) Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them. --- Franklin P. Adams ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ When I lived in a dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the Resident Assistant. Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he exclaimed, " You crazy guys actually thought you could fool me with THAT old gag!" It was then he realized we had removed the drainpipe under the sink and turned the "U" trap to point at his crotch. _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   The Badlands Guardian and his wife 50 038.20?N 110 648.32?W Walsh, Alberta, Canada Who do you see first? The guy or his wife? _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ >Thanks to Linda for this one: A social worker from a big city in Massawhosits recently transferred to the mountains of West Virginia and was on the first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door. "Anybody home?" she asked. "Yep," came a kid's voice through the door. "Is your father there?" asked the social worker. "Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in," said the kid. "Well, is your mother there?" persisted the social worker. "Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here," said the kid. "But," protested the social worker, "are you never together as a family?" "Sure, but not here," said the kid through the door. "This is the outhouse. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  William Grappy, 30, Tampa, Florida  Florida man stole ice cream truck  A 30-year-old unemployed man apparently decided to be an ice cream truck driver for the night after he stole a pink and white ice cream truck from Angler Avenue on Okaloosa Island early Friday morning, lawmen say. William Grappy, a California man whose current address is listed in Tampa, opened the unlocked ice cream truck shortly after midnight and found the keys inside, according to a press release from the Okaloosa County Sheriffs Office. The truck owners girlfriend saw Grappy drive off in the vehicle and followed him. Grappy ditched the truck behind the Tom Thumb at 1209 Miracle Strip Parkway and ran away, the press release said. Okaloosa County sheriffs deputies found Grappy, who they said apologized for being an idiot. There was about $1,200 worth of ice cream inside the unlocked $10,000 vehicle. Grappy was charged with burglary, grand theft of a motor vehicle and possession of marijuana. Two nuggets of marijuana were found in his pants pockets, according to the release. 
  Tech Support Pits From: Lucille Re: Wired or wireless?  Dear Webby What is faster for a home office network, old fashioned cable or wireless? I know I can't go by what the computer magazines say, because those guys never paid for their toys and have to watch who pays for the ads. The machines are not used for high file traffic games, just for office work, but in 4 different rooms. We are moving and I need to quickly decide whether to have the new place cabled or not. Thanks Lucille  Dear Lucille Professionally installing cables so that they are hidden, with neat and clean wall jacks, is neither cheap nor fast. If you go that route, check with burglar alarm system installers. They know how to securely hide cables so that absolutely nothing shows. Wireless will be cheaper, and can be set up in an evening. Pretty well all modern modems have wireless antennas. The only work involved will be setting passwords and permissions. If you are not comfortable with doing that, you can probably entice a neighborhood kid to do that for a nice chocolate cake or bag of beef jerky. The file transfer speed of wireless is better than cable, as long as there are no fridges or metal file cabinets bouncing the signal around, and as long as the distance is not over 50 feet, otherwise the file transfer speed is lower than cable. Ethernet cable speed is not likely to improve in the future. That is a set standard. However, wireless is getting better by the season. If you have one or more "roaming" laptops, go with wireless. Have FUN DearWebby  
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 BACK IN MY DAY In my day, we didn't have no rocks. We had to go down to the creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads. Back in the 1970s we didn't have the space shuttle to get all excited about. We had to settle for men walking on the crummy moon. In my day, we didn't have hand-held calculators. We had to do addition on our fingers. To subtract, we had to cut off somebody's fingers. In my day, we didn't have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms. Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day, the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the back of a giant tortoise. In my day, we didn't have virtual reality. If a one-eyed, razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you had to kill him with a shovel. 
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 The new inmate at the mental hospital announced in a loud voice that he was the famous British naval hero, Lord Nelson. This was particularly interesting, because the institution already had a "Lord Nelson." The head psychiatrist, after due consideration, decided to put the two men in the same room, feeling that the similarity of their delusions might prompt an adjustment in each that would help in curing them. It was a calculated risk, of course, for the two men might react violently to one another, but they were introduced and then left alone and no disturbance was heard from the room that night. The next morning, the doctor had a talk with his new patient and was more than pleasantly surprised when he was told "Doctor, I've been suffering from a delusion. I know now for a fact that I am not Lord Nelson." "That's wonderful," said the doctor. "Who are you?" Smiling coyly, the patient replied, "I'm Lady Nelson." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning the Microwave Fill a microwave safe bowl 3/4 of the way with water. Add a slice of lemon (or vinegar) to the water and then heat it until steaming in the microwave. Remove the hot bowl of water and wipe the microwave out with a damp sponge. Food splatters should wipe off easily.   Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
  
 
 Cropmarks: How dry weather can reveal hidden archaeological sites. 
 ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for this classic: An old lady is walking around in a supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Crisssssssco!" Soon a store clerk approaches and says, "Lady, the Crisco is in aisle D." The old lady replies, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm calling my husband." The clerk is astonished. "Your husband's name is Crisco?" The old lady answers, "Oh no, no, no. I only call him that when we're out in public." "I see," said the clerk. "What do you call him at home?" "Lardo." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A synagogue had just opened for business while at the same time a Catholic church opened across the street. After some time the Rabbi noticed that a convent had been added to the church, More time later a Catholic school was built, then a gymnasium. Concerned the Rabbi called together his staff and expressed his concern, "We've been here the same amount of time as our neighbors and look, they've grown while we still have our same small temple - what are we doing wrong?" And so it was decided, they'd send Morris to attend a service on Sunday and check out what was going on over there. Sunday comes and all the men from the congregation are peeking thru the windows as Morris enters the church. Not 15 minutes later and Morris comes flying across the street, yelling and waving his arms. "So what happened?" says the Rabbi "Oy, you wouldn't believe it" says Morris "I go into the church, I sit down, then from the left a guy in a dress comes out unto the stage and he's chanting "I can play dominoes better than you can - I can play dominoes better than you can", then from the right of the stage some young boys swinging incense followed by another guy in a dress starts chanting "I bet you don't - I bet you don't" then back and forth they go "I can play dominoes better than you can - I bet you don't", then from outta' the back four men in black suits come down the aisles and pick up the bets !!!" ____________________________________________________  
 Today, July 29 in 1588 The English defeated the Spanish Armada in the Battle of Gravelines. 1754 The first international boxing match was held. The 25- minute match was won when Jack Slack of Britain knocked out Jean Petit from France. 1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was inaugurated when two people held a conversation between New York, NY and San Francisco, CA. 1940 John Sigmund of St. Louis, MO, completed a 292-mile swim down the Mississippi River. The swim from St. Louis to Caruthersville, MO took him 89 hours and 48 minutes. 1950 Disney's adaptation of Robert Louis Stevenson's "Treasure Island" was released. 1957 The International Atomic Energy Agency was established. 1958 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 1968 Pope Paul VI reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's stance against artificial methods of birth control. 1975 OAS (Organization of American States) members voted to lift collective sanctions against Cuba. The U.S. government welcomed the action and announced its intention to open serious discussions with Cuba on normalization. 1981 England's Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer were married. 1985 General Motors announced that Spring Hill, TN, would be the home of the Saturn automobile assembly plant. 1993 The Israeli Supreme Court acquitted retired Ohio autoworker John Demjanjuk of being Nazi death camp guard "Ivan the Terrible." His death sentence was thrown out and he was set free. 1997 Minamata Bay in Japan was declared free of mercury 40 years after contaminated food fish were blamed for deaths and birth defects. 1998 The United Auto Workers union ended a 54-day strike against General Motors. The strike caused $2.8 billion in lost revenues. 2005 Astronomers announced that they had discovered a new planet (Xena) larger than Pluto in orbit around the sun. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

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