Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, September 26 Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award: Alabama mother charged after 5 of her kids test positive for cocaine ______________________________________________________ Today, September 26 in 1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of Seoul from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) "Here's to woman! Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands." --- Ambrose Bierce ______________________________________________________ A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer. ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man will pay $2 for a $1 item, if he needs it. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want because it's on sale. A woman worries about he future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find that man. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and don't expect to understand her at all. Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die. Any married man can forget his past mistakes, there's no reason for two people to keep track of the same things. A woman marries a man expecting him to change, and he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting her not to change and she does. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A middle-aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, "How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?" "No, ma'am," explained the officer, "it's your foot." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cordelia Adair, 31, Montgomery, Alabama Alabama mother charged after 5 of her kids test positive for cocaine Cordelia Adair, 31, allegedly exposed five of her children her 4-year-old son, 7-year-old daughter, 9-year-old daughter, 12- year-old son and 13-year-old son to the substance during June and September of 2018, according to an arrest affidavit obtained by the Montgomery Advertiser. Adair was charged with five felony counts of chemical endangerment of a child. MPD (Montgomery Police Dept.) was contacted by DHR (Department of Human Resources) on Sept. 6 in reference to possible drug activity in the home, Capt. Regina Duckett, with the Montgomery Police Dept., told the paper. Following a joint investigation with DHR, warrants were secured against Adair. She was taken into custody by the U.S. Marshals Fugitive Task Force on Sept. 21 and charged. Alabama child welfare officials declined to comment on the case, citing privacy laws. Police did not immediately respond to requests for comment about the condition of the children. A judge reduced Adair's bond Monday from $15,000 to $7,500 per count. From: Sharon Re: Wireless broadband Internet Dear Webby, I love your humor. I've told many of your jokes to many people. Thanks for sharing them & your pics. I was asked by a friend if there was any wireless internet service she could check into that did not require a land phone line. I believe she uses a cell phone only & does not have cable tv either. I told her I would ask someone who would probably know. Your tech dept has been a lot of help. Also I keep seeing soemthing that says to use the "return" key to get back to something previoulsy viewed. What is the retuen key? I susally use the back arrow button on the taskbar. Just curious. Thanks again. Sharon Dear Sharon Verizon and a few others have a cell modem. It works slightly better than dial-up, but everybody I know that uses it, hates it. They consider it an emergency measure until they can get back to DSL or cable. Then there is Wireless High Speed Internet in some areas. Some towns have it, but most don't. Most rural areas in Canada have it, but in the US, most don't have it yet. Unless your friend is on the run, I would recommend that she get herself a land line. With a land line she can get DSL and 30 Mbps. Tell her to visit her ISP and discuss her options face to face. The bottom line, though, is the ISP. I get 30 Mbps to the ISP in Calgary. They are the bottleneck. Then I wait and wait and wait to get through them to whatever site I want to visit. If there are lots of ads there, then it is even worse. The speed between me and the ISP seems to be irrelevant. They are installing fibre now throughout the village. It will increase the speed from here to the ISP to 50 Mbps, still a long way from South Korea's average of 200 Mbps, but theoretically a lot faster than dial-up. The bottle neck at the ISP remains the same. Return Key: With manual and electric typewriters, that's the Carriage Return key that looks like the Enter key on a computer keyboard. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A kind-hearted motorist saw a man struggling to change a tire alongside the highway, and pulled over to see whether he could help. The man had a very red face, and a dark smear across it where he'd wiped off sweat with dirty hands. His tie was undone and his shirt collar askew, and it was clear he had also wiped his hands on his once-white shirt. Close to him stood an immaculately neat woman who was speaking in quick, agitated tones. "Hello, there," said the motorist. "Say, I've changed a lot of tires . . . maybe I can help here." "You sure can," the man with the flat tire replied wearily. "My wife is an expert, too. If you will just do all the arguing with her about how this tire ought to be changed, I can concentrate on the dirty work and get the job done." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A little girl was asked what she wanted most for her birthday and she declared: "A baby brother." "Daddy and I would like to give you a baby brother," said her mom, "but there isn't time before your birthday." "Why don't you do like they do down at Daddy's factory when they want something in a hurry -- put more men on the job?" said the little girl. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Fireplace Match Replacement If you run out of fireplace matches use a long piece of spaghetti. Just light the spaghetti and use it as a match. Also works for lighting candles that have wicks that are tough to reach (like birthday candles). Spaghetti also works great for lighting gas furnaces if a storm or gas interruption extinguishes the pilot lights. I have used spaghetti for many decades for that. You can get the flame right to the precise spot without singing your fingers. DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Tibetan Buddhist Sand Mandalas |
___________________________________________________ A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation. Watching the doctor's every move, he asked, "What's that?" The doctor explained, "This is an anaesthetic; after he gets this he won't know a thing." "Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man, "he don't know nothing now." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
When I first started college, the Dean came in and said "Good Morning" to all of us. When we echoed back to him, he responded "Ah, you're Freshmen." He explained. "When you walk in and say good morning, and they say good morning back, it's Freshmen. When they put their newspapers down and open their books, it's Sophomores. When they look up so they can see the instructor over the tops of the newspapers, it's juniors. When they put their feet up on the desks and keep reading, it's seniors. When you walk in and say good morning, and they write it down, it's graduate students." ____________________________________________________ | Today, September 26 in 1777 Philadelphia was occupied by British troops during the American Revolutionary War. 1892 "The King of Marches" was introduced to the general public. 1908 In "The Saturday Evening Post" an ad for the Edison Phonograph appeared. 1914 The U.S. Federal Trade Commission was established. 1918 During World War I, the Meuse-Argonne offensive against the Germans began. It was the final Allied offensive on the western front. 1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of Seoul from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict. 1955 The New York Stock Exchange suffered its worst decline since 1929 when the word was released concerning U.S. President Eisenhower's heart attack. 1960 The first televised debate between presidential candidates Richard M. Nixon and John F. Kennedy took place in Chicago, IL. 1962 "The Beverly Hillbillies" premiered on CBS-TV. 1964 "Gilligan's Island" premiered on CBS-TV. The show aired for the last time on September 4, 1967. 1980 The Cuban government abruptly closed Mariel Harbor to end the freedom flotilla of Cuban refugees that began the previous April. 1981 The Boeing 767 made its maiden flight in Everett, WA. 1985 Shamu was born at Sea World in Orlando, FL. Shamu was the first killer whale to survive being born in captivity. 1986 The episode of "Dallas" that had Bobby Ewing returning from the dead was aired. 1990 The Motion Picture Association of America announced that it had created a new rating. The new NC17 rating was to keep moviegoers under the age of 17 from seeing certain films. 1991 Four men and four women began their two-year stay inside the "Biosphere II." The project was intended to develop technology for future space colonies. 1993 The eight people who had stayed in "Biosphere II" emerged from their sealed off environment. 1996 Shannon Lucid returned to Earth after being in space for 188 days. she set a time record for a U.S. astronaut in space and in the world for time spent by a woman in space. 2000 The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Born-Alive Infants Protection Act. The act states that an infant would be considered to have been born alive if he or she is completely extracted or expelled from the mother and breathes and has a beating heart and definite movement of the voluntary muscles. 2000 Slobodan Milosevic conceded that Vojislav Kostunica had won Yugoslavia's presidential election and declared a runoff. The declared runoff prompted mass protests. 2001 In Kabul, Afghanistan, the abandoned U.S. Embassy was stormed by protesters. It was the largest anti-Amercian protest since the terror attacks on New York City and Washington, DC, on September 11. 2001 Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and Israeli Foreign Minister Shimon Peres announced plans to formalize a cease-fire and end a year of fighting in the region. 2006 Facebook was openened to everyone at least 13 years or older with a valid email address. 2018 Do smiled. |
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