Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, February 28 Today's Bonehead Award:  NC mom jailed after appearing in court as her daughter  ______________________________________________________ Today, February 26 in 1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50 slavery opponents began the new political group. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 In the end, everything is a gag. --- Charlie Chaplin (1889 - 1977) Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address. --- Lane Olinghouse Punctuality is the virtue of the bored. --- Evelyn Waugh Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain. --- Friedrich von Schiller A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes. --- Robert Frost ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ It's every airplane passenger's nightmare -- getting stuck near a crying baby. I was manning the ticket counter at a busy airport when the sound of a sobbing infant filled the air. As the next passenger stepped up to the desk, he glanced at the tot and rolled his eyes. "Don't worry," I said to him cheerily. "Chances are that baby won't be on your flight." Head shaking, he grimly replied, "Oh, I bet he will. That's my son." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Scorcher Murphy was selling his house and put the matter in an agent's hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading. After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, "Have I got all ye say there?" The agent said, "Certainly ye have. Why d'ye ask?" Replied Murphy, "Cancel the sale! 'Tis too good to part with." ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________  Reported by Wayne:  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Uganda Spencer, 44, Sanford, North Carolina  NC mom jailed after appearing in court as her daughter  A 44-year-old mom in North Carolina appeared in court as her daughter and was then jailed on existing warrants on Friday, according to the Chatham County Sheriff's Office. Uganda Spencer, of Sanford, appeared at the Chatham County Justice Center in Pittsboro posing as her daughter Gabrielle Spencer, a news release from deputies said. The mother was then arrested on an existing warrant for her daughter and taken to the Chatham County Detention Center, the release said. "During processing, Uganda's true identity was revealed," officials said in the news release. Deputies said that the mother had three existing warrants and a criminal summons under her own name. In addition to her arrest, Uganda Spencer was subsequently charged with three counts of felony identity theft, common law forgery, resisting a public officer, and felony financial card theft. Uganda Spencer was held on a $10,000 secured bond. There is no word about what happened to her daughter. The mother's first court appearance is set for next Monday in Chatham County District Court in Pittsboro.  
 >From Gwen Re: Wireless printer  Dear DearWebby Hi There, here I come again with a probably silly question. First, how can you tell if a computer can handle a 'wireless' connection? Need to purchase a printer for my laptop and the recommendation from a technician is an HP Officejet 3830 All in One at a cost of $99.99 Good deal? or not? Sorry to keep bothering you but I do know that I will get an honest answer from you. I'm the lady with the 20 year old DELL computer that I'm still using although slowly moving to the laptop thus the Wireless printer question. My laptop is an HP which is only a year old. Thanks so much for your help. Love the jokes and pass them on by times to friends who need a laugh now and again. Cheers, Gwen  Dear Gwen Yes, a one year old laptop should most definitely be able to handle a wireless printer. Most printers also have a USB port to communicate with machines, that don't have wireless. Have Fun! DearWebby  
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 The young Ensign approached the crusty old Chief and asked him about the origin of the commissioned office insignias. "Well, Ensign, it's history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you're valuable BUT malleable. The silver bar of a Lieutenant Junior Grade represents value, but less malleable. When you make Lieutenant, you're twice as valuable so we give you two silver bars. As a Captain, you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As an Admiral, you're obviously a star. That answer your question?" "Yeah, but what about Commanders and Lieutenant Commanders?" "Now that goes waaaaaay back in history. Back to the Garden of Eden even. You see, we've always covered our unmentionables with leaves. " 
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 Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Soldier: Do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: No, SIR! ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Clutter Control: Wallets and Purses Clean out your wallet or purse at least once a week. File important receipts and business cards that you have collected and don't carry anything that you don't need. If you are carrying your wallet in your back pocket, the thinner it is, the easier it is on your back when you sit down.  Thriftyfun.com   ____________________________________________________   
  
 
Scientists claim to have solved the mystery of the deadly Bermuda Triangle......I think I want it to remain a mystery. 
 ___________________________________________________ A man was doing a study of children's senses in a first-grade class using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave the children all the same kind of Lifesaver and asked them, "What is the flavor, and what color is it?" The children began to say, "Red . . . cherry . . . yellow . . lemon . .. lime. . . green . . . orange . . . orange." Finally, he gave them all honey Lifesavers. The children suck on them for a while, but can't decipher the taste. "Well," he said, "I'll give you a clue. It's what your mother would call your father." One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out, and yelled: "Everybody spit it out, they're as*********!" ___________________________________________________ Little Johnny was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. Little Johnny said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait...." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A bus load of new recruits arrived at the reception center, and was greeted by an old drill sergeant. He began his speech, "Welcome to Fort Dix, men. From now on, I want you to think of the Army as your family and as your home." Hearing this, one of the recruits broke formation, sat down and lit a cigarette. "Private, what the ...... are you doing?" yelled the sergeant. "Well," said the private, "I'm just making myself at home. Like you said, this is my home." Thinking fast, the sergeant said, "Son, you listen good, and you're right. This is your home. So, as soon as you finish that cigarette, I want you to report to the mess hall to help mother with the dishes for this week." ___________________________________________________  
 Today February 28 in 1827 The Baltimore & Ohio Railroad became the first railroad incorporated for commercial transportation of people and freight. 1844 Several people were killed aboard the USS Princeton when a 12-inch gun exploded. 1849 Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn arrived in San Francisco for the first time. The SS California had left New York Harbor on October 6, 1848. The trip took 4 months and 21 days. 1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50 slavery opponents began the new political group. 1881 Thomas Edison hired Samuel Insull as his private secretary. 1885 AT&T (American Telephone and Telegraph) was incorporated. The company was capitalized on only $100,000 and provided long distance service for American Bell. 1893 Edward G. Acheson showed his patent for Carborundum. 1900 In South Africa, British troops relieved Ladysmith, which had been under siege since November 2, 1899. 1951 A Senate committee issued a report that stated that there were at least two major crime syndicates in the U.S. 1953 In a Cambridge University laboratory, scientists James D. Watson and Francis H.C. Crick discovered the double-helix structure of DNA. 1954 In San Francisco "Birth of a Planet" was aired. It was the first American phase-contrast cinemicrography film to be presented on television. 1956 A patent was issued to Forrester for a computer memory core. 1962 The John Glenn for President club was formed by a group of Las Vegas republicans. 1974 The U.S. and Egypt re-established diplomatic relations after a break of seven years. 1979 Mr. Ed, the talking horse from the TV show "Mr. Ed", died. 1983 "M*A*S*H" became the most watched television program in history when the final episode aired. 1986 Swedish Prime Minister Olof Palme was assassinated in Stockholm. 1993 U.S. Federal agents raided the compound of an armed religious cult in Waco, TX. The ATF had planned to arrest the leader of the Branch Davidians, David Koresh, on federal firearms charges. Four agents and six Davidians were killed and a 51-day standoff followed. 1994 NATO made its first military strike when U.S. F-16 fighters shot down four Bosnian Serb warplanes in violation of a no-fly zone over central Bosnia. 1995 The Denver International Airport opened after a 16-month delay. 1998 Serbian police began a campaign to wipe out "terrorist gangs" in the Yugoslav province of Kosovo. 2001 The Northwest region of the U.S., including the state of Washington, was hit by an earthquake that measured 6.9 on the Richter Scale. There were no deaths reported. 2002 In Ahmadabad, India, Hindus set fire to homes in a Muslim neighborhood. At least 55 people were killed in the attack. 2002 Sotheby's auction house announced that it had identified Peter Paul Reubens as the creator of the painting "The Massacre of the Innocents." The painting was previously thought to be by Jan van den Hoecke. 2007 NASA's New Horizons spacecraft made a gravitational slingshot against Jupiter to change the planned trajectory towards Pluto. 2013 Benedict XVI resigned as pope. He was the first pope to resign since Gregory XII in 1415 and the first to resign voluntarily since Celestine V in 1294. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

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