Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, December 18 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Burglar shot and arrested in victim's house ____________________________________________________ Today, December 18, in 1979 - The sound barrier was broken on land for the first time by Stanley Barrett when he drove at 739.6 mph. ____________________________________________________ There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it. --- Cicero (106 BC - 43 BC) ____________________________________________________ As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son had an announcement to make: He'd just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit pulling our legs," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "I know you'll never get through basic training," scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, it was to voice a single question, "YOU, Billy-Bob, YOU really are going to be getting up in time, and not only that, but making your own bed every morning?" ____________________________________________________   Kamala & Kyle Jasper ____________________________________________________ A man spent his weekend ice fishing without a single bite. As he's going home cold and dejected, he stops at a fish store on the edge of the lake and asks for four pike. He tells the clerk, "Pick out the four largest ones you have and throw them at me, will you?" "OK," the clerk says. "But why do you want me to throw them at you?" "Because," says the hapless fisherman, "I want to tell my wife that I caught them." ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Steven Stillwell, 42, Lakeland, Florida, USA  Florida Burglar shot and arrested in victim's house  Deputies are investigating after they say a homeowner in Lakeland shot an intruder as he broke in through the back door of his house. The Polk County Sheriff's Office said the break-in happened just before 1 p.m. Wednesday at a home near Gibsonia- Galloway Road. According to investigators, the suspect -- later identified as 42-year-old Steven Stillwell -- threw a flower pot through the glass back door and forced his way into the house. That's when the homeowner said he shot the suspect three times. The sheriff's office said the homeowner immediately turned his firearm over to deputies once they arrived. Deputies began providing first aid to Stillwell, who they said was lying on the floor of the living room. Polk County Fire Rescue then transported him to the hospital, where he is in critical but stable condition, according to PCSO. "He's lucky to be alive," Sheriff Grady Judd said. "Only Santa Claus gets to come into your house, and Santa Claus is invited." Detectives said they found Stillwell's shotgun in the backyard, and accessed video from the home that showed the suspect running from a gate in the backyard to the home's back porch. In the porch area, they noted a set of French glass doors leading into the living room, and said one of the doors had been shattered from the outside. "I tell folks to get a gun, learn how to use it safely, and load it," Judd said. "You can dial 9-1-1 all day long, but when that guy's coming through the back door on you, we can't get there in time." The sheriff's office said the shooting is still under investigation, and criminal charges are pending against Stillwell. According to PCSO, the suspect has an extensive arrest history, with 14 felonies and five misdemeanors, including multiple burglaries and larcenies, DUI, drug possession, dealing in stolen property, fraud, possession of drug paraphernalia, and possession of a weapon/ammunition by a convicted felon. He also has 11 re-arrest charges, with multiple violations of probation.  ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  From: Maggie Re: Open or Libre or WORD? Dear Webby Which one is easier to learn: Open Office or Office Libre or Microsoft WORD? Maggie  Dear Maggie The biggest difference is the cost. Open Office And Office Libre are free, an you can pick up WORD documents and save them as WORD douments. That is very important for students, because apparently many teachers have been bribed to only accept Microsoft Word docs. Since you now CAN use Open or Libre and save it as a WORD doc, that concern has fallen away. If you think you will need tech support from your teacher, then you better pay for Microsoft WORD. Since teachers customarily get Microsoft Office free, few of them have learned Libre or Open Office. However, since probably over 70% of office workers in the world use Open or Libre, you can always ask somebody else, if you need help. Since I have used WordPerfect, WordStar, IBM DisplayWrite, WORD and everything all the way up to Libre, it makes no difference to me. If you get good with one, you can use them all. The future is probably with Libre. If you have 1500 office workers, are you going to buy Microsoft Office for each of them, or will you simply tell them all to download Libre? Have FUN! DearWebby 
 Military leaders succeed in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. They assembled in front of the new machine and fed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: attack or retreat? The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES. The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT? Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR. 
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 _____________________________________________  The Olympic Medical Staff has determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's abilities. In fact, men have been known to display this physical ability for centuries. Almost immediately after sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Well, I gotta run and get home before daylight! " ______________________________________________ Miss Figpot brought a replica statue of Venus to show her fifth grade glass. She asked the class, "What do you like best about it, class? Let's start with you, Juan." "The artwork," answers Juan. "Very good. And you, Rodney?" "Her boobs!" "Rodney, get out! Go stand in the hall," Miss Figpot says with disgust. "And you, Johnny?" Little Johnny replies, "I'm leaving, Miss Figpot, I'm leaving..." ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A group of U.S. marines got a refresher course on first aid prior to leaving for Afghanistan. Following an involved lesson on making splints, dressing wounds and applying tourniquets to stop bleeding, there was a quick test. Instructor: "What do you do if you receive a minor head wound?" Marine: "Keep going." Inst.: "What do you do if your Sergeant has a head wound and is out cold?" Marine: "I sit down and have a smoke. He'll be up and screaming at me in two seconds flat." ___________________________________________________  
 Today, December 18, in 1862 - The first orthopedic hospital was organized in New York City. It was called the Hospital for Ruptured and Crippled. 1865 - U.S. Secretary of State William Seward issued a statement verifying the ratification of the 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. The amendment abolished slavery with the declaration: "Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction." 1898 - A new automobile speed record was set at 39 mph (63 kph). 1903 - The Panama Canal Zone was acquired 'in perpetuity' by the U.S. for an annual rent. 1912 - The discovery of the Piltdown Man in East Sussex was announced. It was proved to be a hoax in 1953. 1915 - U.S. President Wilson, widowed the year before, married Edith Bolling Galt at her Washington home. 1916 - During World War I, after 10 months of fighting the French and Allies defeated the Germans in the Battle of Verdun. 1917 - The Eighteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed by the U.S. Senate and then officially proposed to the states. 1935 - A $1 silver certificate was issued for the first time in the U.S. 1936 - Su-Lin, the first giant panda to come to the U.S. from China, arrived in San Francisco, CA. The bear was sold to the Brookfield Zoo for $8,750. 1940 - Adolf Hitler signed a secret directive ordering preparations for a Nazi invasion of the Soviet Union. Operation "Barbarossa" was launched in June 1941. 1944 - The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the wartime relocation of Japanese-Americans, but also stated that undeniably loyal Americans of Japanese ancestry could not be detained. 1950 - NATO foreign ministers approved plans to defend Western Europe, including the use of nuclear weapons, if necessary. 1953 - WPTZ, in Philadelphia, PA, presented a Felso commercial, it was the first color telecast seen on a local station. 1956 - Japan was admitted to the United Nations. 1957 - The Shippingport Atomic Power Station in Pennsylvania went online. It was the first nuclear facility to generate electricity in the United States. It was taken out of service in 1982. 1965 - Kenneth LeBel jumped 17 barrels on ice skates. 1969 - Britain's Parliament abolished the death penalty for murder. 1970 - Divorce became legal in Italy. 1972 - The United States began the heaviest bombing of North Vietnam during the Vietnam War. The attack ended 12 days later. 1973 - The IRA launched its Christmas bombing campaign in London. 1979 - The sound barrier was broken on land for the first time by Stanley Barrett when he drove at 739.6 mph. 1983 - Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) scored his 100th point in the 34th game of the season. 1996 - Despite a U.N. truce, factional fighting in the Somali capital of Mogadishu, broke out in which at least 300 fighters and civilians were killed. 1998 - The U.S. House of Representatives began the debate on the four articles of impeachment concerning U.S. President Bill Clinton. It was only the second time in U.S. history that process had begun. 1998 - Russia recalled its U.S. ambassador in protest of the U.S. attacks on Iraq. 1998 - South Carolina proceeded with the U.S.' 500th execution since capital punishment was restored. 1999 - After living atop an ancient redwood in Humboldt County, CA, for two years, environmental activist Julia "Butterfly" Hill came down, ending her anti-logging protest. 2001 - A fire damaged New York City's St. John Cathedral. The cathedral is the largest in the United States. 2001 - In Seattle, WA, Gary Leon Ridgeway pled innocent to the charge of murder for four of the Green River serial killings. He had been arrested on November 30, 2001. 2002 - Nine competing designs for the World Trade Center site were unveiled. The Lower Manhattan Development Corp. expected to choose a design by January 31, 2003. 2003 - Adam Rich was arrested for driving onto a closed section of Interstate 10 and nearly struck a California Highway Patrol car. 2009 - General Motors announced that it would shut down its Saab brand. 2009 - A Paris court ruled that Google was breaking French law with its policy of digitizing books and fined the company a $14,300-a-day fine until it rids its search engine of the literary extracts. 2009 - James Cameron's movie "Avatar" was released in the United States. On January 26, the movie became the highest- grossing film worldwide. 2010 - In Nanjing, China, the Zifeng Tower opened. 2021 Do smiled. 

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