Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, July 16 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!  ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________  AR-15 gunman beaten up with a stick and disarmed.  ___________________________________________________ Today, July 16 in 1969 Apollo 11 blasted off from Cape Kennedy, FL, and began the first manned mission to land on the moon. ____________________________________________________ One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time. --- Nancy Astor (1879 - 1964) ____________________________________________________ Marcy walks into a drug store and asks the clerk if she can use the store's baby scale. "Sorry, ma'am," says the clerk. "Our baby scale is broken. But we can figure the baby's weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first." "Oh, that won't work," says Marcy. "Why not?" asks the clerk. "Because," she answers, "I'm not the mother - I'm the aunt." ____________________________________________________   ____________________________________________________ In the back woods of Tennessee, a redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I am doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming". Sure enough, within minutes, he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down, there's another one!" said the doctor. Within a few minutes he had delivered another baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern. ..it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor. The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?" ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Luke Stolarzyk, 32, Portland, Oregon, USA  AR-15 gunman beaten up with a stick and disarmed.  After being woken up by a loud argument, a neighbor identified in court documents as John Dickson went outside and saw the suspect with a handgun and green laser. Stolarzyk left but then came back with an AR-15, which he is accused of firing at random toward a row of apartments, the affidavit alleges. Dickson crept up and bashed the 140-pound suspect with a stick. Then he wrestled the gun away, narrowly avoiding getting shot, and pummeled Stolarzyk with his fists until he was unconscious, according to the affidavit. Luke Stolarzyk, 32, allegedly fired more than two dozen rounds "indiscriminately" at an occupied apartment building in Southwest Portland at around 1 a.m. on June 29, according to an arrest affidavit. No one was injured except for Stolarzyk after witnesses "disarmed and detained him." Responding officers arrived outside the Stephens Creek Crossing apartments in response to multiple 911 calls and found "several people standing around the defendant, who was hogtied and had been beaten up." The incident started after a dispute over noise and a dog between Stolarzyk and another neighbor, Kenneth Nelson, according to the court documents. He was armed with a handgun at first but went home and returned with the rifle before opening fire, investigators alleged. Police said they recovered 29 shell casings and an AR- 15 at the scene. They also saw bullet strikes in multiple cars and apartments and found a handgun at Stolarzyk's apartment in a neighboring building. Additionally, surveillance video allegedly shows Stolarzyk firing at a man fleeing through the parking lot, according to the affidavit. Responding officers took Stolarzyk to a hospital and charged him with multiple counts of unlawful use of a weapon, criminal mischief and discharging a firearm. On Monday, police filed additional charges, including attempted murder and nine counts of reckless endangerment. In all, he faces seven felonies and 10 misdemeanors. A booking photo from the Multnomah County Sheriffs Office shows him with two black eyes and other facial bruising. His bond on the top charge of attempted second-degree murder was set at $250,000.  
 DearWebby's tech support pits from: Lee Re: YouTube to text Dear Webby Is there a reasonable (cheap) way to transcribe a short 10 minute talk from YouTube recording to a word or similar document? Many thanks for your excellent work (jokes, info, crime report, and beautiful pics), Lee  Dear Lee Here's how to do it: Click on the More button below the video and select Transcript from the menu. Below you'll be asked to select a language. Make your choice and you'll see a full transcript along with timestamps. Now click and drag to highlight all the text and press Ctrl + C to copy the text. Paste the text into a word processor document or spreadsheet, or even a web page. Have FUN! DearWebby 
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 A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23rd Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase "Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life..." "What's wrong with that, Johnny?" the pastor asked. "Well," answered Johnny, "I understand about having goodness and mercy folowing me around. But I don't want Shirley following me around all the time. She's a gossip and a spoilsport!" ____________________________________________ George said to Mary, "I'll bet you ten dollars that we could have the best sex that you have ever had without me touching you." "You're nuts," she said, He replied: "Here is ten dollars that says I can do that!" They put the money on the mantelpiece. That night George and Mary proceeded to have sex. Reluctantly, Mary had to admit that it was the best sex that she could remember. The next morning she exclaimed, "Well, it may have been the best sex I've ever had... but you DID touch me!" George gave Mary the ten dollars and departed with these words, "You are right. I lost this bet. Do you want to give me a chance to win it back next weekend ?" ____________________________________________ Bob and Katie were having a discussion about family finances. Finally Bob exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" Katie replied, "If it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here either." ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, July 16, in 1774 Russia and the Ottoman Empire signed the treaty of Kuchuk-Kainardji, ending their six-year war. 1779 American troops under General Anthony Wayne captured Stony Point, NY. 1790 The District of Columbia, or Washington, DC, was established as the permanent seat of the United States Government. 1791 Louis XVI was suspended from office until he agreed to ratify the constitution. 1845 The New York Yacht Club hosted the first American boating regatta. 1875 The new French constitution was finalized. 1912 Bradley A. Fiske patented the airplane torpedo. 1926 The first underwater color photographs appeared in "National Geographic" magazine. The pictures had been taken near the Florida Keys. 1935 Oklahoma City became the first city in the U.S. to install parking meters. 1940 Adolf Hitler ordered the preparations to begin on the invasion of England, known as Operation Sea Lion. 1942 French police officers rounded up 13,000 Jews and held them in the Winter Velodrome. The round-up was part of an agreement between Pierre Laval and the Nazis. Germany had agreed to not deport French Jews if France arrested foreign Jews. 1944 Soviet troops occupied Vilna, Lithuania, in their drive toward Germany. 1945 The United States detonated the first atomic bomb in a test at Alamogordo, NM. 1950 The largest crowd in sporting history was 199,854. They watched the Uruguay defeat Brazil in the World Cup soccer finals in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. 1951 J.D. Salinger's novel "The Catcher in the Rye" was first published. 1957 Marine Major John Glenn set a transcontinental speed record when he flew a jet from California to New York in 3 hours, 23 minutes and 8 seconds. 1969 Apollo 11 blasted off from Cape Kennedy, FL, and began the first manned mission to land on the moon. 1973 Alexander P. Butterfield informed the Senate committee investigating the Watergate affair of the existence of recorded tapes. 1979 Saddam Hussein became president of Iraq after forcing Hasan al-Bakr to resign. 1981 After 23 years with the name Datsun, executives of Nissan changed the name of their cars to Nissan. 1985 The All-Star Game, televised on NBC-TV, was the first program broadcast in stereo by a TV network. 2005 J.K. Rowling's book "Harry Potter and the Half- Blood Prince" was released. It was the sixth in the Harry Potter series. The book sold 6.9 million copies on its first day of release. 2009 In Chicago, Sears Tower was renamed Willis Tower. 2011 The NASA space probe Dawn entered Vesta orbit. 2021 Do smiled. 
 
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