Good Morning, Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, August 17 ___________________________________________________ History on this day, August 17, in 1807, Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as the "Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River on its successful round-trip to Albany. ____________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Man arrested in shooting, carjacking at Peoria Target store _________________________________________________ Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane. --- Philip K. Dick (1928 - 1982) Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes. --- Aaron McGruder A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of. --- Burt Bacharach (1928 - ) __________________________________________________ Three old pilots are walking on the ramp. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?" Second one says, "No, its Thursday!" Third one says, "So am I. Lets go get a beer." __________________________________________________ These came to me as actual statements from Microsoft managers. "What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter." "How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff?" "Email is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." "Turnover is good for the company, as it proves that we are doing a good job in training people." "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." ___________________________________________________   __________________________________________________  Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Adonijah Josiah Ortega, 19, Peoria, Arizona, USA Man arrested in shooting, carjacking at Peoria Target store PEORIA, AZ An arrest has been made in a shooting and carjacking case in Peoria last week. Nineteen-year-old Adonijah Josiah Ortega was arrested and charged via criminal complaint for carjacking, using, carrying, brandishing, and discharging a firearm during and in relation to a crime of violence, and felon in possession of a firearm. At about 11:30 a.m., on August 8, Ortega allegedly walked up to the victim while he was getting into his car in the parking lot of a Target store, near 91st Avenue and Northern, and pointed a semi-automatic handgun at him. Authorities say Ortega demanded the victim give him his keys and wallet and hit him multiple times in the head with the gun. During the striking, the gun fired twice striking the victim once in the right thigh. At that point, Ortega grabbed the keys and took the victim's car, and drove off. The victim then limped toward the store and received help from citizens until paramedics arrived. He was taken to a hospital with a gunshot wound and multiple lacerations to his head. Details of when or how Ortega was arrested haven't been released. He was charged on Friday, August 12. An investigation remains ongoing by the Peoria Police Department, Phoenix Police Department, and the FBI. _____________________________________________________   Flicker, Springbak, Alberta Doug McQueen __________________________________________________ Three old pilots are walking on the ramp. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?" Second one says, "No, its Thursday!" Third one says, "So am I. Lets go get a beer." ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: From: Miranda RE: ZOOM Dear Webby, I tried your suggested ZOOM, but even though I am quite computer literate, I find Skype to be considerably easier. Yes, I read that ZOOM's fortunes rocketed 37 BILLION bucks this year, but I don't see why. The program works, but sure takes some getting used to. I realize that Skype and FaceBook took off like crazy because of Jewish originators, but in the case of Zoom, the creator is a Chinese born Californian. So, what gives? Miranda  Dear Miranda Keep in mind that Billions of people are thoroughly pissed right off about Microsoft forcing W10 down their throat. They might be quietly grumbling about ZOOMs user interface not being as logical or intuitive as they would like, but they are loudly yelling and screaming about W10. If you consider the mass migration to ZOOM to be a revolt against Microsoft, then you would probably be about 120% right. The recent changes to Skype, aligning it to W10's anti-productive concepts, of course did not help. I noticed that of the hundreds of Skype contacts I used to have, only the oldest ones still show as live. The vast majority seems to have either died or migrated. If I had any money, I would definitely invest in ZOOM shares. Considering that they are about the only way to strike back at the "Evil Empire", a LOT of people are going to buy ZOOM shares, and their worth will go over 100 Billion before the snow melts again. Naturally, not all shareholders will actually use ZOOM, unless you page them, but very few of them will ever go back to Skype. HaveFUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ An FBI agent was talking to a bank teller after the bank had been robbed for the third time by the same bandit. "Did you notice anything special about the man?" he asked. Yes, he seems to be better dressed each time," the teller replied. _____________________________________________________ >From Ann My boyfriend and I were lunching at a sidewalk cafe in Huntington Beach, California. Our waitress looked like a real surfer girl: athletic with a great tan and blonde hair. Mulling over the menu, my guy asked her if the roast beef was rare. The waitress gave us a stare and replied, "Well, no. We have it, like, just about every day." ___________________________________________________ An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, who disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. One of his colleagues whispers, "Say something." The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money." ___________________________________________________ "A new study shows that licking the sweat off a frog can cure depression. The down side is, the minute you stop licking, the frog gets depressed again." _____________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! ____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________  Today, August 17, in 1790, The capital city of the U.S. moved to Philadelphia from New York City. 1807, Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as the "Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River on its successful round-trip to Albany. 1815, Napoleon began serving his exile when he arrived at the island of St. Helena. 1859, A hot air balloon was used to carry mail for the first time. John Wise left Lafayette, IN, for New York City with 100 letters. He had to land after only 27 miles. 1863, Federal batteries and ships bombarded Fort Sumter in Charleston, SC, harbor during the Civil War. 1896, The Klondike gold rush was set off by George Carmack discovering gold in Dawson City, Yukon 1903, Joseph Pulitzer donated a million dollars to Columbia University. This started the Pulitzer Prizes in his name. 1915, Charles F. Kettering received a patent for the first electric ignition device. 1939, The movie "Wizard of Oz" premiered in New York. It had premiered in Hollywood on August 15. 1943, The Allied conquest of Sicily was completed as U.S. and British forces entered Messina. 1945, The nationalists of Indonesia declared their independence from the Netherlands. 1961, The Communist East German government completed the construction of the Berlin Wall. 1977, Florists Transworld Delivery (FTD) reported that in one day the number of orders for flowers to be delivered to Graceland had surpassed the number for any other event in the company's history. 1978, Maxie Anderson, Ben Abruzzo and Larry Newman became the first to land after a successful trans-Atlantic balloon flight. The voyage began in Presque Isle, ME and ended in Miserey, France. 1982, The U.S. Senate approved an immigration bill that granted permanent resident status to illegal aliens who had arrived in the United States before 1977. 1985, A year-long strike began when 1,400 Geo. A. Hormel and Co. meat packers walked off the job. 1992, Woody Allen admitted to being romantically involved with Soon-Yi Previn. The girl was the adopted daughter of Mia Farrow, Allen's longtime companion. 1996, A military cargo plane crashed in Wyoming killing eight crewmembers and a Secret Service employee. The plane was carrying gear for U.S. President Clinton. 1998, U.S. President Clinton admitted to having an improper relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern. 1998, NationsBank and BankAmerica merge to create the largest U.S. bank. 1998, Russia devalued the ruble. 2002, In Santa Rosa, CA, the Charles M. Schulz Museum opened to the public. 2017, The first observation of a collision of two neutron stars took place. 2022 Do! smiled.