Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, April 25, 2023 ___________________________________________________ History: Today, April 25 in 1984, In France, over one million people demonstrated to show they favored the decentralization of education. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Robbery suspect armed with guns and explosives opens fire on police helicopter in Phoenix _____________________________________________________ Q The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath. --- Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart ______________________________________________________ When I lived in a dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the Resident Assistant. Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he thought, "Those crazy guys actually thought they could fool me with that old gag!" It was then that he realized we'd removed the drainpipe beneath the sink and turned the "U" part to aim at his crotch. ______________________________________________________ A couple was going out for the evening. The last thing they did was to put the cat out. The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of the house, the cat shoots back in. So the husband goes back inside to chase it out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband got into the taxi and said, "Sorry I took so long, the stupid uglu nuisance was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a wet mop to get her to come out!" The cabbie almost hit a parked car. ___________________________________________________ When the office printer's type began to grow faint, the office manager called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he said, the manager might try reading the printer's manual and try doing the job himself. Pleasantly surprised by his candor, the office manager asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?" "Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first." ___________________________________________________ A Scotsman on vacation in the U.S. payed his first visit to the zoo. Stopping by one of the cages he saw a man feeding the animal. "An whut animal would that be?" he asked the keeper. "That's a moose from Canada," came the reply. "A moose!" exclaimed the Scotsman, "Hoots man...they must ha' rrrats like elepants ower there!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he? Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female? Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr.. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. _____________________________________________________  _____________________________________________________ >From Mary Ellen The local bookstore had this huge display with a sign saying, "Newly Translated From the Original French: 37 Mating Positions." The book was already wrapped in blain brown wrapper and I just had to buy one. Once safely at home, I opened it and found that I had just purchased an expensive book about . . . chess. ___________________________________________________  Lilly Agnes Cedar waxwing Kneehill County, Alberta ___________________________________________________ Dear Webby's Tech Support Pits rom: Anna Re: What to filter? Dear Webby Please give me a few phrases to use for filters! Anna Dear Anna OK, here are some phrases to filter for: Document attached Invoice attached Click here Do not reply Autoresponder [address of your mother in law] Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages. She said, "Les' see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy, they're eighteen. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they're sixteen. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're fourteen." "Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins every time?" The woman answered, "Heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn't get nothin'." __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _________________________________________________  ____________________________________________________ I was at the store the other day when the manager nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was escorting the suspect to the office when the shoplifter broke away and tried to run. After a scuffle, the manager slammed the guy against the wall. He looked up to see a number of surprised customers staring at him. "It's ok, folks, everything's fine," he reassured them. "This guy just tried going through the express line with more than ten items. He won't be hanged until after the weekend." _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD reported by Rock, has been earned by  Charles Rock 37, Phoenix, Arizona. USA Robbery suspect armed with guns and explosives opens fire on police helicopter in Phoenix A robbery suspect accused of shooting at a police helicopter was seriously hurt after being shot by a sergeant in north Phoenix. The shooting happened on April 20 near 28th Drive and Cactus Road, and no officers were injured. The incident reportedly began as an armed bank robbery in the area of 7th Street and Thunderbird, when the suspect walked into the bank armed with a gun, an explosive device, and a duffle bag. The suspect took the money, and left in his car. Investigators say a witness started following the suspect, as well as a sergeant in an unmarked truck. A police helicopter that was nearby also started tracking the suspect. The suspect, police say, got out of his vehicle at a strip mall near Cactus and the I-17, and started firing at a police helicopter. That helicopter then had to make an emergency landing at a parking lot in the area. Investigators say a witness started following the suspect, as well as a sergeant in an unmarked truck. A police helicopter that was nearby also started tracking the suspect. The suspect, police say, got out of his vehicle at a strip mall near Cactus and the I-17, and started firing at a police helicopter. That helicopter then had to make an emergency landing at a parking lot in the area. "Stuff like this just dont happen, you know," said Lou Stirling, who owns a restaurant and bar in the area. Stirling recounting what happened at his business when the shooting happened. "I was in the bar. There were customers in the bar. We heard two or three shots. We werent sure what it was, and then, we heard rapid fire. It happened, stopped for a split second and started again. As soon as it stopped the second time, he took off out of the driveway, and thats how fast the police - couldnt believe how fast the police responded," said Stirling. Stirling said as the shots rattled off, his customers and staff members quickly hit the ground. Some ducked for cover,w hile some hid in the bathroom, wondering what was going on. "I just wanted to make sure my customers were safe," said Stirling. "It happened so fast, and we found out later he wasn't even shooting at us. They were shooting at the helicopter." Stirling and others at the strip mall say they are still rattled by the ordeal. "That's a lot [of bullets]," Stirling said. "What one guy was roaming around with that kind of firepower, you got to ask yourself why?" _____________________________________________________ Today, April 25 in 1590, The Sultan of Morocco launched his successful attack to capture Timbuktu. 1644, The Ming Chongzhen emperor committed suicide by hanging himself. 1684, A patent was granted for the thimble. 1707, At the Battle of Almansa, Franco-Spanish forces defeated the Anglo-Portugese. 1792, The guillotine was first used to execute highwayman Nicolas J. Pelletier. 1831, The New York and Harlem Railway was incorporated in New York City. 1846, The Mexican-American War ignited as a result of disputes over claims to Texas boundaries. The outcome of the war fixed Texas' southern boundary at the Rio Grande River. 1859, Work began on the Suez Canal in Egypt. 1860, The first Japanese diplomats to visit a foreign power reached Washington, DC. They remained in the U.S. capital for several weeks while discussing expansion of trade with the United States. 1862, Union Admiral Farragut occupied New Orleans, LA. 1864, After facing defeat in the Red River Campaign, Union General Nathaniel Bank returned to Alexandria, LA. 1867, Tokyo was opened for foreign trade. 1882, French commander Henri Riviere seized the citadel of Hanoi in Indochina. 1898, The U.S. declared war on Spain. Spain had declared war on the U.S. the day before. 1901, New York became the first state to require license plates for cars. The fee was $1. 1915, During World War I, Australian and New Zealand troops landed at Gallipoli in Turkey in hopes of attacking the Central Powers from below. The attack was unsuccessful. 1925, General Paul von Hindenburg took office as president of Germany. 1926, In Iran, Reza Kahn was crowned Shah and choose the name "Pehlevi." 1928, A seeing eye dog was used for the first time. 1940, W2XBS (now WCBS-TV) in New York City presented the first circus on TV. 1945, U.S. and Soviet forces met at Torgau, Germany on Elbe River. 1945, Delegates from about 50 countries met in San Francisco to organize the United Nations. 1952, After a three-day fight against Chinese Communist Forces, the Gloucestershire Regiment was annihilated on "Gloucester Hill," in Korea. 1953, U.S. Senator Wayne Morse ended the longest speech in U.S. Senate history. The speech on the Offshore Oil Bill lasted 22 hours and 26 minutes. 1953, Dr. James D. Watson and Dr. Francis H.C. Crick suggested the double helix structure of DNA. 1954, The prototype manufacture of the first solar battery was announced by the Bell Laboratories in New York City. 1957, Operations began at the first experimental sodium nuclear reactor. 1959, St. Lawrence Seaway opened to shipping. The water way connects the Great Lakes and the Atlantic Ocean. 1961, Robert Noyce was granted a patent for the integrated circuit. 1962, The U.S. spacecraft, Ranger, crashed on the Moon. 1967, Colorado Governor John Love signed the first law legalizing abortion in the U.S. The law was limited to therapeutic abortions when agreed to, unanimously, by a panel of three physicians. 1971, The country of Bangladesh was established. 1974, Portuguese dictator Antonio Salazar was overthrown in a military coup. 1976, Portugal ratified a constitution. It was first revised on October 30, 1982. 1980, In Iran, a commando mission to rescue hostages was aborted after mechanical problems disabled three of the eight helicopters involved. During the evacuation, a helicopter and a transport plane collided and exploded. Eight U.S. servicemen were killed. The mission was aimed at freeing American hostages that had been taken at the U.S. embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979. The event took place April 24th Washington, DC, time. 1982, In accordance with Camp David agreements, Israel completed its Sinai withdrawal. 1983, Soviet leader Yuri V. Andropov invited Samantha Smith to visit his country after receiving a letter in which the U.S. schoolgirl expressed fears about nuclear war. 1983, The Pioneer 10 spacecraft crossed Pluto's orbit, speeding on its endless voyage through the Milky Way. 1984, In France, over one million people demonstrated to show they favored the decentralization of education. 1984, David Anthony Kennedy, the son of Robert F. Kennedy, was found dead of a drug overdose in a hotel room. 1985, "Big River (The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn)" opened at the Eugene Oneill Theatre on Broadway in New York City. 1987, In Washington, DC, 100,000 people protested the U.S. policy in Central America. 1987, Peter O'Toole opened in "Pygmalion" on Broadway. 1988, In Israel, John "Ivan the Terrible" Demjanuk was sentenced to death as a Nazi war criminal. 1990, Sandinista rule ended in Nicaragua. 1990, The U.S. Hubble Space Telescope was placed into Earth's orbit. It was released by the space shuttle Discovery. 1992, Islamic forces in Afghanistan took control of most of the capital of Kabul following the collapse of the Communist government. 1996, The main assembly of the Palestine Liberation Organization voted to revoke clauses in its charter that called for an armed struggle to destroy Israel. 1998, U.S. first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was questioned by Whitewater prosecutors on videotape about her work as a private lawyer for the failed savings and loan at the center of the investigation. 2003, Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, the anti-apartheid leader and ex-wife of former President Nelson Mandela, was sentenced to four years in prison for her conviction on fraud and theft charges. She was convicted of 43 counts of fraud and 25 of theft of money from a women's political league. 2023, Do smiled.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |  |
Go to TOP
Well, Do , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
Please give a friend a subscription to the Humor Letter
If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name,
or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me.
I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly
from then on.
If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't
have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me.
I will gladly enter them for you and send them a confirmation request.
To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to humor@webby.com
If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time,
then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription.
If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/sub.html
You can also UNsubscribe there.
If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter,
please unsubscribe by clicking the link below:
You are currently subscribed to the Regular HTML version with this address:
newsletter@newslettercollector.com
UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular HTMLversion
| . |
Privacy Policy | About 
