Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, April 2 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!  In case you did nor realize it, the notice about change from Brutish fractions to decimals in the measuring system was just my April Fools prnak. Most US states are still on brutish fractions. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________  Kansas woman critically injured in wrong way crash.  ___________________________________________________ Today, April 2 in 1889 Charles Hall patented aluminum. ____________________________________________________ I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life. --- George Burns (1896 - 1996) ____________________________________________________ At the beginning of a children's sermon, one girl came up to the altar > wearing a beautiful dress. As the children were sitting down around the pastor, he leaned over and said to the girl, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it > your Easter dress?" The girl replied almost directly into the pastor's clip-on mike, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a sumbitch to iron." ____________________________________________________ A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair eating a snack cake while her dad gets his hair cut. The barber says to her, " Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too." ____________________________________________________   The beauty of aloe vera flower. ___________________________________________________ A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'." __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Rose Joseph, DELRAY BEACH, Florida, USA  Florida Woman seriously injured when driving wrong way on freeway.  Heroic Cops Save Two Drivers After Woman Drives Wrong Way Near Saturnia Isles The Palm Beach County Sheriffs Office is investigating a critical crash on US 441 near Saturnia Isles involving a Tesla driving the wrong way. According to a report obtained by BocaNewsNow.com, Rose Joseph of the 15900 block of SW 8th Avenue was driving south in the northbound lane of US 441/SR7 near Winners Circle thats north of Clint Moore Road and South of Atlantic. While Rose Joseph drove the wrong way around 9:52 Tuesday night, Garrett Ghiloni of Paraiso Place in Delray Beach was traveling the correct way north bound on US 441/SR7. Rose Joesph, driving a 2007 Mazda SUV, slammed into Garrett Ghilonis 2016 Tesla Model S. From PBSO: During the crash, the front of Rose Josephs Mazda SUV impacted the front of Ghilonis Tesla. Both vehicles rotated before coming to rest. Rose Joseph was rescued from the vehicle by law enforcement as it was on fire. The heroic actions of both Investigator Alan Soloway (PBSO) and Trooper Robert Sayih (FHP) resulted in Rose Joseph surviving this crash. Subsequently, she was transported to Delray Medical Center and underwent emergency surgery for the treatment of her extensive and life threatening injuries. Home>Florida>Boca Raton>Tesla Crash Critically Injures Delray Beach Woman, Driving Wrong Way On US 441 Tesla Crash Critically Injures Delray Beach Woman, Driving Wrong Way On US 441 According to a report obtained by BocaNewsNow.com, Rose Joseph of the 15900 block of SW 8th Avenue was driving south in the northbound lane of US 441/SR7 near Winners Circle thats north of Clint Moore Road and South of Atlantic. While Rose Joseph drove the wrong way around 9:52 Tuesday night, Garrett Ghiloni of Paraiso Place in Delray Beach was traveling the correct way north bound on US 441/SR7. Rose Joesph, driving a 2007 Mazda SUV, slammed into Garrett Ghilonis 2016 Tesla Model S. During the crash, the front of Rose Josephs Mazda SUV impacted the front of Ghilonis Tesla. Both vehicles rotated before coming to rest. Rose Joseph was rescued from the vehicle by law enforcement as it was on fire. The heroic actions of both Investigator Alan Soloway (PBSO) and Trooper Robert Sayih (FHP) resulted in Rose Joseph surviving this crash. Subsequently, she was transported to Delray Medical Center and underwent emergency surgery for the treatment of her extensive and life threatening injuries. Garrett Ghiloni was also transported to Delray Medical Center for treatment of his injuries. Charges have not been filed. Police could not be more clear in the investigative report: Garrett Ghiloni was driving the correct direction US 441. Rose Joseph was driving the wrong way. They have not announced whether Rose Joseph tried to commit suicide or was just dopey.  
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Elke Re: How big are those camera chips?  Dear Webby Those caera chips that you recommend, how big are they? Elke  Dear Elke The ones I use are about 3/4 inch wide by 1 inch long and less than a 1/8" thick. There ARE much smaller sizes, but I find that those are a nuisance with my big fingers. The amount of data they can hold ranges from 8 GB to 400 GB, which might be more than your hard drive cn hold. Currently the 32 GB is US$12.99. Prices change and often the lower sizes are ridiculously cheap. I once got an 8 GB chip as a door prize, just for walking nto the store. Shop around and see what you find in your neighborhood. Have FUN! DearWebby 
 Three wives were bemoaning their husbands' attitudes towards leftovers: "It gets rough," one said. "My husband is a movie producer and he calls them reruns." "You think you have it bad," was the reply. "Mine is a quality control engineer and he calls them rejects!" "That's nothing compared to me," said the third lady. "My husband is a mortician. He calls them remains!" 
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 A woman is in the bar of a cruise ship and she asks the bartender for a scotch and two drops of water. As the bartender gives her, her drink she says "it's my birthday today and I'm on the cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday." The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday I'll buy you a drink in fact I'll take care of this one for you." As the women finishes her drink the woman to her right says, "I guess I should buy you a drink." The old woman says, "All right. Bartender I want a scotch and two drops of water." "All right," says the bartender. As she finishes her drink the man to her right says, "Since I'm the only one around you that hasn't bought you a drink I guess I might as well buy you one." The old woman says, "All right. Bartender I want a scotch and two drops of water." "Coming right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink he says, "Ma'am I'm dying of curiosity. Why the scotch and only two drops of water?" The old woman replies, "Sunny you learn that when your my age you can hold your liquor but you sure can't hold your water." ____________________________________________ Although we were being married in New Hampshire, I wanted to add a touch of my home state, Kansas, to the wedding. My fiancee, explaining this to a friend, said that we were planning to have wheat rather than rice thrown after the ceremony. Our friend thought for a moment. Then he said solemnly, "It's a good thing she's not from Idaho." ____________________________________________ A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four." ____________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ___________________________________________________  
 Today, April 2 in 1513 Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon sighted Florida. The next day he went ashore. 1801 During the Napoleonic Wars, the Danish fleet was destroyed by the British at the Battle of Copenhagen. 1860 The first Italian Parliament met in Turin. 1865 Confederate President Davis and most of his Cabinet fled the Confederate capital of Richmond, VA. 1872 G.B. Brayton received a patent for the gas-powered streetcar. 1877 The first Egg Roll was held on the grounds of the White House in Washington, DC. 1889 Charles Hall patented aluminum. 1902 The first motion picture theatre opened in Los Angeles with the name Electric Theatre. 1905 The Simplon rail tunnel officially opened. The tunnel went under the Alps and linked Switzerland and Italy. 1910 Karl Harris perfected the process for the artificial synthesis of rubber. 1917 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson presented a declaration of war against Germany to the U.S. Congress. 1932 A $50,000 ransom was paid for the infant son of Charles and Anna Lindbergh. He child was not returned and was found dead the next month. 1935 Sir Watson-Watt was granted a patent for RADAR. 1944 The Soviet Union announced that its troops had crossed the Prut River and entered Romania. 1947 The U.N. Security Council voted to appoint the U.S. as trustee for former Japanese-held Pacific Islands. 1951 U.S. General Dwight Eisenhower assumed command of all allied forces in the Western Mediterranean area and Europe. 1960 France signed an agreement with Madagascar that proclaimed the country an independent state within the French community. 1963 Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King began the first non- violent campaign in Birmingham, AL. 1966 South Vietnamese troops joined in demonstrations at Hue and Da Nang for an end to military rule. 1967 In Peking, hundreds of thousands demonstrated against Mao foe Liu Shao-chi. 1972 Burt Reynolds appeared nude in "Cosmopolitan" magazine. 1981 In Lebanon, thirty-seven people were reported killed during fighting in the cities of Beirut and Zahle. It was the worst violence since the 1976 cease fire. 1982 Argentina invaded the once Argentinian, but taken by the British, Falkland Islands. The following June Britain took the islands back. 1984 In Jerusalem, three Arab gunmen wounded 48 people when they opened fire into a crowd of shoppers. 1985 The NCAA Rules Committee adopted the 45-second shot clock for mens basketball to begin in the 1986 season. 1986 On a TWA airliner flying from Rome to Athens a bomb exploded under a seat killing four Americans. 1987 The speed limit on U.S. interstate highways was increased to 65 miles per hour in limited areas. 1988 U.S. Special Prosecutor James McKay declined to indict Attorney General Edwin Meese for criminal wrongdoing. 1989 General Prosper Avril, Haiti's military leader, survived a coup attempt. The attempt was apparently provoked by Avril's U.S.-backed efforts to fight drug trafficking. 1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein threatened to incinerate half of Israel with chemical weapons if Israel joined a conspiracy against Iraq. 1992 Mob boss John Gotti was convicted in New York of murder and racketeering. He was later sentenced to life in prison. 1995 The costliest strike in professional sports history ended when baseball owners agreed to let players play without a contract. 1996 Russia and Belarus signed a treaty that created a political and economic alliance in an effort to reunite the two former Soviet republics. 1996 Lech Walesa resumed his old job as an electrician at the Gdansk shipyard. He was the former Solidarity union leader who became Poland's first post-war democratic president. 2002 Israeli troops surrounded the Church of the Nativity. More than 200 Palestinians had taken refuge at the church when Israel invaded Bethlehem. 2014 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that limits on the total amount of money individuals can give political candidates and political action committees were unconstitutional. 2021 Do smiled. 
 
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