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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, December 1, 1991, Ukrainians voted overwhelmingly for independence from the Soviet Union. ____________________________________________________ Bonehed Award: Florida doctor accused of drugging, raping patients, found dead in ditch _____________________________________________________ Q Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. --- Erica Jong Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. --- G. K. Chesterton (1874 - 1936) ____________________________________________________ The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern. "Paddy," he said, " I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day." "Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "What have you done now?" __________________________________________________ Two little girls in were sitting in the lunchroom of the Beverly Hills Elementary School. "Guess what?" one said. "Mommy's getting married again and I'll have a new Daddy." "Really?" said the other girl. "Who is she marrying this time?" "Winston James, some sort of Director." The second girl smiled. "Oh, you'll like him. He was my Daddy last spring." __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock: An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Dr. Eric Andrew Salata, 54, Naples, Florida, USA Florida doctor accused of drugging, raping patients, found dead in ditch A Florida cosmetic doctor accused of sexually assaulting multiple women while they were under anesthesia at his office in Naples has been found dead, according to multiple reports. The Naples Police Department had arrested Dr. Eric Andrew Salata a 54-year-old, board-certified physician at Pura Vida Medical Spa. Deputies with the Collier County Sheriffs Office responded to the 4800 block of Gail Boulevard for a welfare check after no movement was detected on Eric Salatas ankle monitor on Monday, WINK News reported. That's where Salata was reportedly found in a ditch with a gunshot wound to his head, the news outlet reports, citing an incident report from the sheriffs office. ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, not at all ! When I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance. she came around the counter, and bumped into me. I think I will ask her to check my balance every chance I get ! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ Grandma and Grandpa were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about "the good days," when Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you'd kind of nibble on my ear?" Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house. Alarmed, Grandma said, "Honey, where are you going?" Grandpa replied, "Do ged my deef!" (To get my teeth) _______________________________________________ An Irishman went to London for a visit to the circus. While there, he saw a man with an elephant act. The man claimed the elephant could look at a person and tell that person's age. The Irishman was very skeptical and said so, in no uncertain terms. The man had the elephant look at a small boy and the elephant stamped its foot 9 times. "Is that right?" he asked the boy. "Yes, I'm nine!" the boy said. The Irishman continued his loud heckling, still not believing that this was true. The man asked the elephant to tell the ages of several other people, and each time the elephant stamped his foot and the people said he was correct. The Irishman got even louder and more abusive toward the man. Finally the man could take it no longer and wagered the Irishman that the elephant could look at him and tell him his age. The Irishman took him up on the wager. The elephant looked real close at the Irishman, turned around, raised his tail and cut wind like you wouldn't believe. Then he turned back around, knocked the Irishman to the ground with his trunk and then stomped on him twice. The Irishman, crumpled and bleeding, staggered back to his feet and with a sound of disbelief in his voice cried, "Lard, Thonder and Murphy, he's right!...Farty-two!" __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Jock and Angus, two craggy Scots, were sitting before the clubhouse fireplace after 18 holes on a raw, blustery winter day. The ice slowly melted from their beards and collected in puddles under their chairs. Outside, the wind howled off the North Sea and snow and hail rattled against the windows. The pair sat in silence over their whiskies. Finally, Jock spoke, "Next Monday, same time?" "Aye," Angus replied, "weather permittin'." ________________________________________________________ Approaching eighty-five years of age, Mrs. Harris finally decided it was time to give up her apartment in New York and move to Miami. She was given the name of a Florida realtor, who enthusiastically drove her all over Miami, extolling the virtues of every apartment they looked at. "And this one, what a steal," he rhapsodized, "the investment of a lifetime. Why, in ten years it's gonna be worth three times..." "Sonny," interrupted Mrs. Harris, "at my age I don't even buy green bananas." _____________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Rosa Re: ail pretending to be from me Dear Webby I get a lot of junkmail, that is pretending to be from me. I do send memos and links to myself, often half a dozen times a day. One problem is that I can't use an IP number, since I am at various different locationss. Rosa Dear Rosa That is actually a very common problem. With MailWasher easy to solve. http://mailwasher.com In it, make a filter to dump all mail that is supposedly coming from your address, unless the subject contains ~~, and start puting that~~ into the subject of all memos to yourself. From then on, it will send mail pretending to be from you, but that does not have ~~, or whatever your secret code is, in the subject line, straight to hell, and won't even list it. It is easy to get used to using "the code" in the subject. You can even use, for example, "rrr", anything you never see in the subject line of spam. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, December 1 in 1835, Hans Christian Andersen published his first book of fairy tales. 1909, The Pennsylvania Trust Company, of Carlisle, PA, became the first bank in the in the U.S. to offer a Christmas Club account. 1913, Ford Motor Co. began using a new movable assembly line that ushered in the era of mass production. 1913, The first drive-in automobile service station opened, in Pittsburgh, PA. 1919, Lady Astor was sworn in as the first female member of the British Parliament. 1925, The Locarno Pact finalized the treaties between World War I protagonists. 1934, Sergei M. Kirov, a collaborator of Joseph Stalin, was assassinated at the Leningrad party headquarters. 1941, In the U.S., the Civil Air Patrol was created. In April 1943 the Civil Air Patrol was placed under the jurisdiction of the Army Air Forces. 1942, In the U.S., nationwide gasoline rationing went into effect. 1943, In Teheran, leaders of the United States, the USSR and the United Kingdom met to reaffirm the goal set on October 30, 1943. The previous meeting called for an early establishment of an international organization to maintain peace and security. 1952, In Denmark, it was announced that the first successful sex-change operation had been performed. 1955, Rosa Parks, a black seamstress in Montgomery, AL, refused to give up her seat to a white man. Mrs. Parks was arrested marking a milestone in the civil rights movement in the U.S. 1959, 12 countries, including the U.S. and USSR, signed a treaty that set aside Antarctica as a scientific preserve, which would be free from military activity. 1965, An airlift of refugees from Cuba to the United States began. 1969, The U.S. government held its first draft lottery since World War II. 1984, A remote-controlled Boeing 720 jetliner was deliberately crashed into California's Mojave Desert to test an anti-flame fuel additive. The test proved to be disappointing. 1986, U.S. President Ronald Reagan said he would welcome an investigation of the Iran-Contra affair if it were recommended by the Justice Department. 1987, Construction began on the Channel Tunnel between the United Kingdom and France. 1987, NASA announced four companies had been given contracts to help build a space station. The companies were Boeing Aerospace, G. E.'s Astro-Space Division, McDonnell Douglas Aeronautics, and Rocketdyne Division of Rockwell International. 1989, Dissidents in the Philippine military launched an unsuccessful coup against Corazon Aquino's government. 1989, East Germany's Parliament abolished the Communist Party's constitutional guarantee of supremacy. 1990, Iraq accepted a U.S. offer to talk about resolving the Persian Gulf crisis. 1990, British and French workers digging the Channel Tunnel finally met under the English Channel. 1991, Ukrainians voted overwhelmingly for independence from the Soviet Union. 1992, Russian President Boris Yeltsin survived an impeachment attempt by hard-liners at the opening of the Russian Congress. 1994, The U.S. Senate gave final congressional approval to the 124-nation General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade. 1998, Exxon announced that it was buying Mobil for $73.7 billion creating the largest company in the world to date. 2013, Amazon.com CEO Jeff Bezos revealed "Amazon Prime Air" on "60 Minutes." The services was planned to use unmanned aerial vehicles to deliver packages to customers. 2022 Do smiled.
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