Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, July 27 ___________________________________________________ History on this day, July 27, in 1921, Canadian biochemist Frederick Banting and associates announced the discovery of the hormone insulin. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Woman turns herself in after police say she stole a car, exposed herself, escaped custody __________________________________________________ Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night." --- Charles M. Schulz (1922 - 2000) Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person. --- Ethel Mumford If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) _________________________________________________ You have to wonder about humans, they think God is dead and Elvis is alive. __________________________________________________ There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages. ___________________________________________________ Missoula, Mont. My son, who is in nursery school, said, "Our Father,who art in Heaven, how didja know my name?" __________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sykema Kyles, 29, Fort Myers, where else? Florida, USA Woman turns herself in after police say she stole a car, exposed herself, escaped custody A woman is back under arrest after turning herself in following a successful escape from the back of a Fort Myers police car. Fort Myers police say 29-year-old Sykema Kyles was initially arrested on Sunday for indecent exposure and stealing a car. Police say they were called by the woman whose car had been stolen after that woman had found Kyles. The woman told police that Kyles had vandalized her car as well. Officers say they found the two women on the side of the road near a van that had a broken windshield. Kyles told police that she used a brick to break the windshield because she had locked the keys in the van. Fort Myers police say the woman who owns the car told them that Kyles took the van without permission and broke the window with a brick. Officers then went to speak with Kyles again and said she had removed her pants and underwear, so they took her into custody for indecent exposure. After placing Kyles in a patrol car, Fort Myers police say they went to speak with the vans owner for more details about what had happened. The owner told police that she had left the van with a friend to get it fixed. The woman told police that Kyles was with her when she dropped the van off and that Kyles saw her put the keys in the sun visor. According to police, the vans owner left Kyles and the van at the friends house, and when they returned, the van was gone, and the friend said Kyles had taken it. Fort Myers police say the vans owner searched for Kyles, found her, and followed her until Kyles stopped. Police say the vans owner saw Kyles screaming and kicking the door of the van. The owner told police that Kyles said the keys were locked inside, which was why the passenger side window was broken. After questioning the vans owner, Fort Myers police say the officer on the scene went back to his car where Kyles was, but she was no longer there. Fort Myers police say the cameras inside the officers car showed Kyles slip out of the handcuffs, reach out the partially open window, and open the door to escape. In the arrest report, the officer says the window was left open so Kyles wouldnt suffocate while sitting in the car. Police and K-9 units searched for Kyles but were unable to find her. On Monday, Fort Myers police say Kyles turned herself in. Police say after Kyles escaped, she told them she took some illegal substances and became worried she would be caught with an officers handcuffs on her. She told police she threw the handcuffs away. Kyles was arrested for a second time and is facing charges of indecent exposure, grand theft of a vehicle, property damage, escape, and two charges for battery on an officer or EMT. _____________________________________________________ Although born to a Catholic family, Chester had always wanted to be Jewish. As a senior in college, he decided to take the plunge and go through the formal conversion process. He studied Judaism all semester. Finally, he felt he was ready to take the test and complete the conversion. On the appointed day, he arrived at the Rabbi's office, ready to begin. The Rabbi said, "I'm sorry, but before I give you the test, I must discuss my fee, It's $5000." "$5000!" exclaimed Chester, "That's a lot of money. How about $500?" "Congratulations, you pass." said the Rabbi. _____________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Lisa RE: New FaceBook Dear Webby, I don't like the new Facebook. What do you think about it? Lisa Dear Lisa Well, I don't like W10 either. Neither was created in order to answer requests or demands by users. They don't give a hoot about you and whether you like it or not, you just have to get used to. They have done away with broadcasting to all your friends a long time ago. Your posts just go to those, who they think belong to the same political party. So you might as well use Skype or Zoom. At least those don't censor you. Have FUN! DearWebby ________________________________________________ Kendra had to go in and have her yearly physical done. When Dr. Sam remarked on her extraordinarily ruddy complexion, Kendra replied, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" Dr. Sam inquired. "Neither," Kendra replied. "It's from my husbands family." "Oh, come now," Dr. Sam said. "How could your husband's family give you high blood pressure?" Kendra sighed, "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!" ___________________________________________________ The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef. "Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there." "Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported." ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A little boy was roughhousing with his dog. His mother said to him, "Now, Peter, I know you love Granger, but you're loving him too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?" The boy thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd feel like it was my birthday and Aunt Doreen was here!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________________ Let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand. Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner. The bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this: The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing and eat for free; The fifth would pay $1: The sixth would pay $3; The seventh $7; The eighth $12; The ninth $18. The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59. That's what they decided to do. The ten men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement -- until one day, the restaurant owner threw them a curve. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20." So now dinner for the ten only cost $80. The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free. But what about the other six -- the paying customers? How could they divvy up the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his "fair share?" The six men who had to pay realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would end up being *paid* to eat their meal. So the restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same proportion he had been paying. He proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay based on how they paid their taxes --- and so: The fifth man paid nothing (he had been paying $1) The sixth pitched in $2 (instead of his usual $3), The seventh paid $5 (instead of his usual $7) The eighth paid $9 (instead of his usual $12) The ninth paid $14 (rather than his usual $18) Leaving the tenth man with a bill of $50 instead of his previous $59. Each of the six was better off than before, and the first four continued to eat for free. As they left the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. I only got a dollar out of the $20," declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth and grumbled, "But he got $9!" Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got nine times more than me!" That's true!" shouted the seventh man, "Why should he get $9 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!" The eighth man grumbled, "He got three times as much back as I did, it isn't fair, it isn't fair at all." The ninth man screamed, "He got more than twice what I did." Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. We didn't get anything at all, the system exploits the poor, it's unfair, it's based on prejudice!" The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. The next night the tenth man didn't show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. When it came time to pay the bill, they each chipped in their revised amounts for the $80 tab and discovered something very important. They were $50 short! And that, boys and girls, journalists, college instructors (and teachers in general) is how the tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up at the table anymore. If you're the ninth man you better find other companions, maybe in a tax haven somewhere, because you know who the other eight will expect to make up the difference. Unfortunately, Liberals cannot grasp this straightforward logic, and they probably won't understand this explanation either. _____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ A mountain woman went to the doctor and was told to go home and come back in a couple of days with a specimen. When she got home she asks her husband, "What is a specimen?" He replies," Hell if I know. Go next door and ask Edith. She's a nurse." The woman goes next door and comes back in about twenty minutes with her clothes all torn and with multiple cuts and bruises on her face and body. "What in the world happened?" asked her husband. "Damned if I know," she replies. "I asked Edith what a specimen was, and she told me to go piss in a bottle. I told her to go shit in her hat, and then all hell broke loose!" ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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| Today, July 27, in 1214, At the Battle of Bouvines in France, Philip Augustus of France defeated John of England. 1245, Frederick II was deposed by a council at Lyons after they found him guilty of sacrilege. 1663, The British Parliament passed a second Navigation Act, which required all goods bound for the colonies be sent in British ships from British ports. It did not go over well. 1689, Government forces defeated the Scottish Jacobites at the Battle of Killiecrankie. 1694, The Bank of England received a royal charter as a commercial institution. 1775, Benjamin Rush began his service as the first Surgeon General of the Continental Army. 1784, "Courier De LAmerique" became the first French newspaper to be published in the United States. It was printed in Philadelphia, PA. 1777, The marquis of Lafayette arrived in New England to help the rebellious American colonists fight the British. 1778, The British and French fleets fought to a standoff in the first Battle of Ushant. 1804, The 12th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. With the amendment Electors were directed to vote for a President and for a Vice-President rather than for two choices for President. 1866, Cyrus Field successfully completed the Atlantic Cable. It was an underwater telegraph from North America to Europe. 1909, Orville Wright set a record for the longest airplane flight. He was testing the first Army airplane and kept it in the air for 1 hour 12 minutes and 40 seconds. 1914, British troops invaded the streets of Dublin, Ireland, and began to disarm Irish rebels. 1918, The Socony 200 was launched. It was the first concrete barge and was used to carry oil. 1921, Canadian biochemist Frederick Banting and associates announced the discovery of the hormone insulin. 1940, Bugs Bunny made his official debut in the Warner Bros. animated cartoon "A Wild Hare." 1944, U.S. troops completed the liberation of Guam. 1947, The World Water Ski Organization was founded in Geneva, Switzerland. 1953, The armistice agreement that ended the Korean War was signed at Panmunjon, Korea. 1955, The Allied occupation of Austria ended. 1964, U.S. President Lyndon Johnson sent an additional 5,000 advisers to South Vietnam. 1965, In the U.S., the Federal Cigarette Labeling and Advertising Act was signed into law. The law required health warnings on all cigarette packages. 1967, U.S. President Johnson appointed the Kerner Commission to assess the causes of the violence in the wake of urban rioting. 1974, The U.S. Congress asked for impeachment procedures against President Richard Nixon. 1980, The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, died in a hospital near Cairo, Egypt. 1993, IBM's new chairman, Louis V. Gerstner, Jr., announced an $8.9 billion plan to cut the company's costs. 1995, The Korean War Veterans Memorial was dedicated in Washington, DC, by U.S. President Clinton and South Korean President Kim Young-sam. 1999, The U.S. space shuttle Discovery completed a five-day mission commanded by Air Force Col. Eileen Collins. It was the first shuttle mission to be commanded by a woman. 2001, The ribbon cutting ceremony was held for American Airlines Center in Dallas, TX. The event set two new world records, one for the 3 mile long ribbon and one for the 2,000 people that cut it. 2003, It was reported by the BBC (British Broadcasting Corp.) that there was no monster in Loch Ness. The investigation used 600 separate sonar beams and satellite navigation technology to trawl the loch. Reports of sightings of the "Loch Ness Monster" began in the 6th century. 2006, Intel Corp introduced its Core 2 Duo microprocessors. 2022 Do! smiled. |
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