Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, December 3  
 
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 ___________________________________________________ History: on this day, December 3, 1999, The World Trade Organization (WTO) concluded a four-day meeting in Seattle, WA, without setting an agenda for a new round of trade talks. The meeting was met with fierce protests by various groups, mosly professional protesters. The protesters did $2 Billion worth of damage, but they did not have an agenda either. ____________________________________________________ Bonehed Award:  Man accused of stabbing Mesa grocery store employee because he felt 'disrespected'  _____________________________________________________ Q Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Lisa for this list of new drugs for women: NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN D A M N I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours. ST. M O M M A'S W O R T Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days. E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out. P E P T O B I M B O Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception. D U M B E R O L When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks. F L I P I T O R Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers. M E N I C I L L I N Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person .. Can we get naked now?. BUYAGRA Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree. J A C K A S S P I R I N Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat. A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators. N A G A M E N T When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him for four hours. __________________________________________________ Remember how airlines used to ask you to be at the airport one hour before departure? Now, to avoid delays, they want you to drive to your destination. __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock: An International Bonehead Award has been earned by  Ahmad Shareef, 34, Philadelphia, USA  Man accused of stabbing Mesa grocery store employee because he felt 'disrespected'  A man who allegedly told police he stabbed an employee at a Mesa grocery store because he felt "disrespected" has been arrested. The Maricopa County Sheriff's Office says deputies responded on Nov. 23 to a Fry's Food Store, located near Broadway and Ellsworth Roads, for reports of an employee who had been stabbed. Once at the scene, deputies found the victim, who had "multiple obviously bleeding wounds" The unidentified victim was taken to a hospital with life-threatening injuries. After speaking with the victim and looking at surveillance video, deputies identified the suspect as 37-year-old Henry Mcleod, a contract employee of the grocery store. Mcleod was found and taken into custody. "Henry admitted to stabbing the victim after feeling disrespected," MCSO said in a news release. Mcleod was booked into jail. He's accused of three counts of aggravated assault. ___________________________________________________   Listening to the mice under the snow ___________________________________________________ The night before her wedding, the bride-to-be talked with her mother. "Mom," she said, "I want you to teach me how to make my new husband happy." The mother took a deep breath and began, "When two people love, honor, and respect each other, love can be a very beautiful thing..." "Mom, I know about the bedroom stuff !", the bride-to-be interrupted. "I want you to teach me how to make a great lasagna." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________   _________________________________________________ An airport ticketing agent was working at the counter and began asking a passenger the required security questions. "Have you received any objects from an unknown person to carry aboard the airplane today?" "No," said the woman. "Did you pack your own suitcase?" she inquired, pointing to the traveler's rolling carry-on bag. "Yes," she answered. "Has your bag been under your control since you've been in the airport?" "Well, no, not exactly," the passenger said with a sigh. "The silly thing keeps either trying to go every which way, or else it's trying to trip me. I feel like I am under IT's control." _______________________________________________ Isaac bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. His friend Morris said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles." "Yes, that she did," he replied. "But where in the world I was gonna find a fake Jeep?" __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" said the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the ..." "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'" Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road ..." The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question." By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie." Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after, a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her then he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. "Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'" ________________________________________________________ "Next Valentines Day, let's give each other sensible gifts, like ties and fur coats." ________________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Wanda Re: Open Office Excel Dear Webby Does Open Office have an equivalent of Excel? Wanda  Dear Wanda Yes, sure. It is called CALC. When switching to it, you might have to hit HELP occasionally to find out what the same command is in CALC. The same applies if you are switching from Calc to Excel. Both have complete sets of commands and tricks, just sometimes use different names. With CALC you can switch to Excel style command set and even save files as .xls or .sxls. The difference nowadays is mostly religious. Both do the same wotk. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Lois for this story: I thought I had finally found a way to convince Susan, my continually harried friend, that she needed to find ways to relax. I invited her to dinner and, while I was busy cooking, she agreed to watch my videotape on stress management and relaxation techniques. Fifteen minutes later, she came into the kitdchen and handed me the tape. "It was good," she said, "but I don't need it." "But it's a 70-minute video," I replied. "You couldn't have watched the whole thing." "Yes, I did," Susan assured me. "I put it on fast- forward." _____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, December 3 in 1792, The trial of France's King Louis XVI began. He was eventually put to death for the 33 charges. 1833, Oberlin College in Ohio opened as the first truly coeducational school of higher education in the United States. 1835, In Rhode Island, the Manufacturer Mutual Fire Insurance Company issued the first fire insurance policy. 1910, The neon lamp was displayed for the first time at the Paris Motor Show. The lamp was developed by French physicist Georges Claude. 1917, The Quebec Bridge opened for traffic after almost 20 years of planning and construction. The bridge suffered partial collapses in 1907 (August 29) and 1916 (September 11). 1931, Alka Seltzer was sold for the first time. 1947, The Tennessee Williams play "A Streetcar Named Desire" opened at Broadway's Ethel Barrymore Theater. 1948, The "Pumpkin Papers" came to public light. The House Un-American Activities Committee announced that former Communist spy Whittaker Chambers had produced microfilm of secret documents hidden inside a pumpkin on his Maryland farm. 1967, In Cape Town, South Africa, a team of surgeons headed by Dr. Christian Barnard, performed the first human heart transplant on Louis Washkansky. Washkansky only lived 18 days. 1967, The famed luxury train, "20th Century Limited," completed its final run from New York to Chicago. 1973, Pioneer 10 sent back the first close-up images of Jupiter. The first outer-planetary probe had been launched from Cape Canaveral, FL, on March 2, 1972. 1982, Doctors at the University of Utah Medical Center removed the respirator of Barney Clark. The retired dentist had become the world's first recipient of a permanent artificial heart only one day before. 1983, 3-foot-high concrete barriers were installed at two White House entrances. 1984, In Bhopal, India, more than 2,000 people were killed after a cloud of poisonous gas escaped from a pesticide plant. The plant was operated by a Union Carbide subsidiary. 1987, U.S. President Reagan said there was a good chance of progress toward a treaty on long-range weapons with Mikhail S. Gorbachev. 1992, The UN Security Council unanimously approved a U.S.-led military mission to help starving Somalians. 1992, The Greek tanker "Aegean Sea" ran aground at La Coruna, Spain and spilled 21.5 million gallons of crude oil. 1993, Britain's Princess Diana announced she would be limiting her public appearances because she was tired of the media's intrusions into her affairs. 1993, Angola's government and its rebel enemies agreed to a cease-fire in their 18-year war. 1994, Rebel Serbs in Bosnia failed to keep a pledge to release hundreds of UN peacekeepers. 1995, Former South Korean president Chun Doo-hwan was arrested for his role in a 1979 coup. 1997, In Ottawa, Canada, more than 120 countries were represented to sign a treaty prohibiting the use and production of anti-personnel land mines. The United States, China and Russia did not sign the treaty. 1997, South Korea received $55 billion from the International Monetary Fund to bailout its economy. 1999, Tori Murden became the first woman to row across the Atlantic Ocean alone. It took her 81 days to reach the French Caribbean island of Guadeloupe from the Canary Islands. 1999, The World Trade Organization (WTO) concluded a four-day meeting in Seattle, WA, without setting an agenda for a new round of trade talks. The meeting was met with fierce protests by various groups. The protesters did $2 Billion worth of damage, but they did not have an agenda either, 1999, The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) lost radio contact with the Mars Polar Lander as it entered Mars' atmosphere. The spacecraft was unmanned. 2010, The Boeing X-37 returned to Earth successfully after its first orbital mission. It launched on April 22, 2010. 2022 Do smiled. 

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