Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, October 26 Thank you, Bonita!! Thank you, James!! Thank you, Mike!! Thank you, Betty! Thank you, Crafty Thank you, Neil! ___________________________________________________ History: on this day, October 26, in 2002, Russian authorities pumped a gas into a theater where separatist rebels held over 800 hostages. The gas killed 116 hostages and all 50 hostage-takers were killed by the gas or gunshot wounds. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award goes to Suspects used Mesa smoke shop as front for illegal drug operation ____________________________________________________ Ethics are so annoying. I avoid them on principle. --- Darby Conley, 08-15-07 Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance. --- Kurt Vonnegut (1922 - 2007) ___________________________________________________ A father, mother and child went out to spend time on the beach on a hot summer's day, but as soon as they reached the beach they discovered that there was a black flag there, a sign not to enter the water. The boy really wanted to get in the water, but his mother did not agree and they stayed on the beach to rest in the sun and play in the sand. After a few minutes, the father got bored and turned to his wife: "Keep an eye on the boy, I'm going into the water, there's no way the sea is really that dangerous." After a few minutes the boy asked "Mom, why did you let dad get in the water and not me?" "Because you and father are two different people and there are things he can do and you can't." answered the mother. "Is it because dad knows how to swim really well?" continued the boy. "Not really" answered the mother. "Is it because dad is big and strong?" "No." "Then why is daddy allowed to enter the water and I'm not?" the boy complained. "Because daddy has life insurance." ___________________________________________________ Judge to convict: "The prisons are all full,so I'm sentencing you to five years in the waiting room at the department of motor vehicles." __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock: An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Casey Thornton, 31, Davonte Williams, 29, Mesa, Arizona, USA Suspects used Mesa smoke shop as front for illegal drug operation Following a six-month investigation, police say two men were arrested in connection to an illegal drug operation in Mesa. Mesa Police say 31-year-old Casey Thornton and 29-year-old Davonte Williams used the Green Trail Smoke Shop, located near University Drive and Extension Road, as a front to cover up their crimes. "With the help of the East Valley Drug Enforcement Task Force, the Mesa Police Departments Organized Crime Section- Narcotic Unit was able to gather enough evidence through undercover operations and surveillance tactics to arrest both Thornton and Williams," police said in a news release. At the conclusion of their investigation, police say they seized 19 handguns, four rifles, and $285,000 worth of the following drugs: 91.62 grams of methamphetamine 24,937.6 pills of fentanyl 74.6 grams of cocaine 5 syringes of liquid morphine 61 pounds of marijuana 125.5 grams of marijuana gummies More than 600 vape pen cartridges with THC 20.1 grams of miscellaneous prescription pills Both Thornton and Williams were booked into jail and are accused of multiple charges. _____________________________________________________ Dawid Grygiel ___________________________________________________ The CEO was scheduled to give the keynote address at an important convention so he asked one of his top employees to write a punchy, 20 minute speech for him. When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious. "What's the idea of writing me an hour long speech?!" he demanded. "Half the audience walked out before I was finished." George was baffled. "I wrote you a 20 minute speech," he replied. I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Susan Ingham Bobcats _________________________________________________ A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench. "Your Honor," he said, " I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at that man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said 'He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty' So your Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury!" With a tired annoyance the judge replied, "Get back in the jury box. That's his lawyer." ____________________________________________________ That reminds me... After spending 3 1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the Department of Motor Vehicles, a man stops at a toy store to pick up a gift for his son. He selects a baseball bat and takes it to the cash register. "Cash or charge?", the clerk asks. "Cash", he snaps. But realizing he had been rude, he apologizes, telling the clerk that he had spent all afternoon at the DMV. "In that case", says the clerk, "shall I gift wrap the bat? Or are you going back there?" ================================================= DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Maria Re: Vacation hold Dear Webby I was just wondering if there's way to put my humor letter "on hold". Next week I'm going on a long vacation and as much as I love reading the humor, I'm trying to minimise the amount of e-mail waiting for my return, so other then unsubscribing and then re-subscribing, do you have any suggestions? I'm not very versed on computer applications so please be gentle. Thanks! Maria Dear Maria Unsubscribing definitely works, but there is a more elegant solution. Simply make a mailbox and call it HUMOR, then make a filter that filters everything with "Humor:" in the subject line or that is from "humor@webby.com" into that mailbox without cluttering up your IN box. That way, if you do have extra time later, you can skim through there and see what arrived while you were on vacation. It will also build you a nice archive of jokes and goofy pictures. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim. "It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly . . ." "This is certainly most helpful." said the member. "I know that my sister will appreciate it." "Your sister?" said the lifeguard. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn in a hurry." _____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, October 26, in 1825, The Erie Canal opened in upstate New York. The 363- mile canal connected Lake Erie and the Hudson River at a cost of $7,602,000. 1854, Charles William Post was born. He was the inventor of "Grape Nuts," "Postum" and "Post Toasties." 1858, H.E. Smith patented the rotary-motion washing machine. 1881, The "Gunfight at the OK Corral" took place in Tombstone, AZ. The fight was between Wyatt Earp, his two brothers and Doc Holiday and the Ike Clanton Gang. 1905, Norway gained independence from Sweden. 1942, The U.S. ship Hornet was sunk in the Battle of Santa Cruz during World War II. 1944, During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf ended. The battle was won by American forces and brought the end of the Pacific phase of World War II into sight. 1949, U.S. President Harry Truman raised the minimum wage from 40 to 75 cents an hour. 1951, Winston Churchill became the prime minister of Great Britain. 1957, The Soviet Union announced that defense minister Marchal Georgi Zhukov had been relieved of his duties. 1958, Pan American Airways flew its first Boeing 707 jetliner from New York City to Paris. 1962, The Soviet Union made an offer to end the Cuban Missile Crisis by taking their missile bases out of Cuba if the U.S. agreed to not invade Cuba and would remove Jupiter missiles in Turkey. 1967, The Shah of Iran crowned himself and his Queen after 26 years on the Peacock Throne. 1972, U.S. National security adviser Henry Kissinger declared, "Peace is at hand" in Vietnam. 1975, Anwar Sadat became the first Egyptian president to officially visit to the United States. 1977, The experimental space shuttle Enterprise successfully landed at Edwards Air Force Base in California. 1979, South Korean President Park Chung-hee was shot to death by Kim Jae-kyu, the head of the Korean Central Intelligence Agency. 1980, Israeli President Yitzhak Navon became the first Israeli head of state to visit Egypt. 1984, "Baby Fae" was given the heart of baboon after being born with a severe heart defect. She lived for 21 days with the animal heart. 1985, Approximately 110,000 people marched past the U.S. and Soviet embassies in London to pressure the two countries to end their arms race. 1988, Roussel Uclaf, a French pharmaceutical company, announced it was halting the worldwide distribution of RU- 486. The pill is used to induce abortions. The French government made the company reverse itself two days later. 1988, Two whales were freed by Soviet and American icebreakers. The whales had been trapped for nearly 3 weeks in an Arctic ice pack. 1990, The U.S. State Department issued a warning that terrorists could be planning an attack on a passenger ship or aircraft. 1990, Wayne Gretzky became the first NHL player to reach 2,000 points. 1991, Former Washington Mayor Marion Barry arrived at a federal correctional institution in Petersburg, VA, to begin serving a six-month sentence for cocaine possession. 1992, General Motors Corp. Chairman Robert Stempel resigned after the company recorded its highest losses in history. 1992, In Canada, voters rejected the Charlottetown accord, which was designed to unify the country. 1993, Deborah Gore Dean was convicted of 12 felony counts of defrauding the U.S. government and lying to the U.S. Congress. Dean was a central figure in the Reagan-era HUD scandal. 1994, Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin of Israel and Prime Minister Abdel Salam Majali of Jordan signed a peace treaty. 1995, Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) scored his 500th National Hockey League (NHL) career goal against the New York Islanders in his 605th game. He became the second- fastest player to attain the plateau. Wayne Gretzky had reached 600 goals by his 575th NHL game. 1996, Federal prosecutors cleared Richard Jewell as a suspect in the Olympic park bombing. 1998, A French lab found a nerve agent on an Iraqi missile warhead. 2001, It was announced that Fort Worth's Lockheed Martin won a defense contract for $200 billion over 40 years. The contract, for the "joint strike fighter," was the largest defense contract in history. 2002, Russian authorities pumped a gas into a theater where separatist rebels held over 800 hostages. The gas killed 116 hostages and all 50 hostage-takers were killed by the gas or gunshot wounds. 2022 Do smiled.
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