Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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Dear Webby's Humor Letter, daily since 1994
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  Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, May 16 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________  Dunkin Donuts staff killed customer who used racial slur after being denied service  ___________________________________________________ Today, May 16 in 1881 In Germany, the first electric tram for the public started service. ____________________________________________________ Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art. --- Tom Stoppard (1937 - ) ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Evelyn for this one: Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?" ____________________________________________________ Q. What's the definition of the perfect male lover? A. He makes love until 3 a.m., then turns into chocolate. ____________________________________________________   Yellow Bellied Sapsucker couple ____________________________________________________ 10 biggest lies on the Internet: 1) "Mircrosoft (AOL, McAfee, etc) announced a virus" None of them ever has, nor ever will announce a virus. 2) "You can make thousands of dollars with this simple affiliate program..." Show me just ONE person who has made even $100 with an "affiliate" con in the last month ! They just want to con the biggest dumbos on the net to donate free advertising to them. Btw., "click-through" advertising is just as bad a scam as the affiliate scams. It is rigged against you worse than a back-alley slot machine. 3) "Watch your traffic explode after submitting it to 15 000 FFA directories"You will get zero traffic, but TONS of spam. If you quickly want to add 20 000 spam sources to your spam block, use a disposable address and submit to these nuisances. Then harvest the spam sources from the headers of the spam that instantly fills your mailbox. 4) "If you have a heart, you will...." What follows that line is ALWAYS guaranteed lies. Same also if you see: "IF YOU DELETE THIS U SERIOUSLY DONT HAVE A HEART" Guaranteed total lies behind that subject line. 5) "AOL AND ZDNET (and Microsoft, and the Cancer Foundation and etc...) will donate 2 cents for each time .... some silly chain letter is forwarded. " No, they won't. Guaranteed. They want your money, and they have absolutely no intention of donating any money to whatever that chain letter is about. And besides, they don't give a hoot how many people are silly enough to forward chain letters. 6) "Effortlessly loose 30 pounds quickly" Yeah, sure. Wanna buy a bridge while you are at it ? The only way to effortlessly loose 30 pounds quickly is to meet me in a dark alley and announce that you are a spammer. Works only once though. 7) "Your Own Internet Business in 30 seconds!" Donating your money or personal info to somebody else is not a business. Not for you, anyway. 8) "Send your email to .... to be remove from this spam" Yeah, sure. And added to every Spam-CD in the next 5 years. If there is no click to unsubscribe, don't touch it. 9) "Follow me to financial freedom" If the bozo was doing so great, why does he have to stoop so low as to annoy people with spam ? 10) "Sign the petition against Email Tax" One of the oldes hoaxes on the net. ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Corey Pujols, 27, Tampa, Florida, USA  Dunkin Donuts staff killed customer who used racial slur after being denied service  A Dunkin Donuts employee in Tampa is charged with the death of a customer after he allegedly punched the man for using a racial slur, causing the victim to fall and hit his head. Tampa police said the victim, a 77-year-old man, went through the drive-thru at the Dunkin Donuts location at 410 South 50 Street on May 5. The unidentified man became upset about the lack of service, and was asked by staff members to leave without being served. Instead, police said the victim parked his car and went inside the restaurant to argue with 27-year-old employee Corey Pujols. Investigators said the victim called Pujols a racial slur and repeated the phrase after Pujols challenged him to do so. That's when police said Pujols punched the victim in the jaw, knocking the man out and causing him to fall and hit his head on the floor. Tampa Fire Rescue responded and transported the victim to the hospital, where he died two days later. Police arrested Pujols and charged him with aggravated manslaughter of an elderly adult. 
DearWebby's Tech Support Pits FROM: Olive RE: Urban Legends Dear Webby I used to go to Urban Legends to check on spoofs or stuff, that looked a bit fishy to me, but now that site goes to a black lipstick rapper's site selling CDs. The same with all other sites, that used to unmask spoofs. Have they all been hacked and taken over by the scammers? I know Snopes has been taken over by the Democrats during Obama's campaign, and they have been as slanted as FaceBook, but if you avoid political questions, they are still usable, sometimes. What can I use without having to worry aboutslanted results? Olive
Dear Olive Truthorfiction seems to be still neutral. Truth Or Fiction I still have the link on the right side menu Have FUN! DearWebby
When Kevin came home, his wife, Liz, was crying. "Your mother insulted me," Liz sobbed. "My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the world?" Kevin asked. "I know. But this morning a letter from her addressed to you and marked "Confidential" arrived. I opened it because I was curious." "And?" "At the end of the letter it said, 'PS. Dear Liz, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my Kevin.'"
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 Bob went over to his friend Joe's house and was amazed at how well Joe treated his wife. He often told her how attractive she was, complimented her on her cooking and showered her with hugs and kisses. "Gee," Bob remarked later, "you really make a big fuss over your wife". "I started to appreciate her more about six months ago," Joe said. "It has revived our marriage and we couldn't be happier." Inspired, Bob hurried home, hugged his wife and told her how much he loved her and said he wanted to hear all about her day. But she burst into tears. "Honey," Bob said, "whats' the matter?". "This has been the worst day," she replied. "This morning Billy fell off his bike and broke his ankle, then the washing machine broke. Now to top it off, you come home drunk !" ___________________________________________ My forgetter's getting better . My rememberer is broke, It's seriously not a joke. It's driving me plumb rotten. (Author's name forgotten) ____________________________________________ Top Marks this week go to the government agency in Scunthorpe, England, who updated their email system to use Mail Sweeper For SMTP which did it's job brilliantly and filtered out any emails containing profanity or obscene language of ANY kind. All was fine, till they realised that no-one whatsoever had got ANY emails during the whole week since they installed the sofware... They checked through everything and couldn't find a problem, until one bright spark pointed out that all their email addresses contained '@scunthorpe.gov.uk', which in turn contains a term of endearment that apparently many Britons reserve for Government employees. ___________________________________________________ 
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________
 Today, May 16 in 1770 marie antoinette, at age 14, married the future king louis xvi of france, who was 15. 1866 the u.S. Congress authorized the first 5-cent piece to be minted. 1868 u.S. President andrew johnson was acquitted during the senate impeachment, by one vote. 1879 the treaty of gandamak between russia and england set up the afghan state. 1881 in germany, the first electric tram for the public started service. 1888 the first demonstration of recording on a flat disc was demonstrated by emile berliner. 1888 the capitol of texas was dedicated in austin. 1920 joan of arc was canonized in rome. 1946 "annie get your gun" opened on broadway. 1946 jack mullin showed the world the first magnetic tape recorder. 1960 a big four summit in paris collapsed due to the american u-2 spy plane incident. 1960 theodore maiman, at hughes research laboratory in california, demonstrated the first working laser. 1963 after 22 earth orbits gordon cooper returned to earth, ending project mercury. 1965 spaghetti-o's were sold for the first time. 1969 venus 5, a russian spacecraft, landed on the planet venus. 1975 japanese climber junko tabei became the first woman to reach the summit of mount everest. 1977 five people were killed when a new york airways helicopter, idling on top of the pan am building in manhattan, toppled over, sending a huge rotor blade flying. 1987 the bobro 400 set sail from new york harbor with 3,200 tons of garbage. The barge travelled 6,000 miles in search of a place to dump its load. It returned to new york harbor after 8 weeks with the same load. 1988 a report released by surgeon general c. Everett koop declared that nicotine was addictive in similar ways as heroin and cocaine. 1988 the u.S. Supreme court ruled that police do not have to have a search warrant to search discarded garbage. 1991 queen elizabeth ii became the first british monarch to address the u.S. Congress. 1992 the endeavour space shuttle landed safely after its maiden voyage. 1996 admiral jeremy "mike" boorda, the nation's top navy officer, died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound after some of his military awards were called into question. 1997 in zaire, president mobutu sese seko gave control of the country to rebel forces ending 32 years of autocratic rule. 2000 u.S. First lady hillary rodham clinton was nominated to run for u.S. Senator in new york. She was the first u.S. First lady to run for public office. She ran in a safe riding after the incumbent senator was told to resign. 2021 Do smiled. 

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