Chairman of the House Oversight Committee James Comer  Drew Angerer/Getty

Item one: The House GOP’s colossal face-plant

A common refrain on the broad left has gone something like: “Well, Donald Trump may be a fascist, but at least we can take solace in the fact that he’s stupid, because imagine the damage he could do if he were smart.” And that is true to some extent; one big reason we worry so much about the prospect of a second Trump presidency is that he now knows things that eluded him the first time he took office, potentially making him much more dangerous.

 

On the other hand, let’s not forget: Trump taught us from 2017 to 2021 that fascist and stupid can be plenty bad. And this week, House Republicans are drilling the same lesson into our weary heads, maybe even more emphatically than Trump did. Day one of their impeachment hearing was … well, words nearly fail me. One was repulsed by the obvious and blatant lies, yet simultaneously amazed at just how dumb these people seem to be.

 

The sorry display actually kicked off the day before the formal hearing, when Representative Jason Smith of Missouri, who chairs the Ways and Means Committee, released 700 pages of documents proving—and I’m summarizing here—blah blah blah. He spoke gravely of “evidence of corruption and misconduct,” referring at one point to a June 2017 WhatsApp message that Hunter Biden sent to a business associate. Here commenced a hilarious exchange between Smith and an NBC News reporter, in which the reporter reminded Smith that in June 2017, Joe Biden was neither the president nor even the vice president but rather what is known as “a private citizen.” Smith finally asked the reporter, “What source are you with?” When the reporter said NBC, Smith said, “So apparently you’ll never believe us.”

 
 

That’s the playbook. When the facts fall apart, cry Fake News and Deep State.

 

Then came the hearing itself. CNN delivered a blistering fact-check of the antics, listing eight instances where Republicans omitted crucial context or simply lied through their teeth:

 

1. Oversight Committee Chairman James Comer said the Bidens had “raked in over $20 million between 2014 and 2019.”

 

Truth: While $20 million is roughly accurate, much of that money went to Hunter Biden’s business associates. And more importantly, Republicans offered zero proof that any money went to Joe Biden.

 

2. Jim Jordan claimed that Hunter Biden admitted he was not qualified to sit on the board of the Ukrainian company Burisma.

 

Truth: Hunter Biden acknowledged that he probably wouldn’t have been asked to be on the board if he weren’t Joe Biden’s son, but he has defended his qualifications in detail. A subtle but crucial twisting of his words.

 

3. Jordan argued—this has been a GOP talking point for a while—that the Justice Department blocked investigators from asking about Joe Biden during a 2020 investigation into Hunter’s dealings.

 

Truth: A deputy did say to then–U.S. Attorney for Delaware David Weiss that there was no justification for adding Joe Biden’s name to a warrant, but this is plausibly just how the law works: If prosecutors believed there were no grounds to include the elder Biden’s name, doing so would be inappropriate and even illegal. Also, people like Jordan speak murkily of “the Justice Department” in sinister terms to suggest conspiracy. It’s worth remembering that at the time in question, Trump was president and Justice was led by Bill Barr (then still in Trump’s pocket).

 

Actually, I’ll stop there. You can click on the link above to see them all, but you get the idea. In addition, you should watch committee member Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s evisceration of Republican committee member Byron Donalds’s photoshopped text message in her appearance on Chris Hayes’s show Thursday night. Donalds made a text message—which, by the way, was not about business dealings but about Hunter’s alimony problems—look like a real iPhone text, which was totally made up. “And this is supposed to be the Republican case for impeachment?” AOC told Hayes. “At this point we should be investigating the investigation.”

 

All of this comes in addition to the other, more widely covered embarrassments at Thursday’s hearing, notably Jonathan Turley, the GOP’s star lawyer, saying, “I do not believe that the current evidence would support articles of an impeachment.” 

 

Oh, and remember this: Comer’s star witness, a man named Gal Luft, is on the lam. Luft was supposed to deliver various goods on “the Biden crime family,” and back in June, Comer and Jordan and the New York Post were very excited about him. But in July, the Southern District of New York indicted him on eight charges that involved Luft acting as an unregistered foreign agent for China, trafficking arms, brokering the sale of Iranian oil to China, and more. He was in Cyprus, free on bail, and he jumped it. The star witness is literally a fugitive from the law.

 

These people are a joke. And yet—don’t underestimate the danger they can do. On balance, sure, smart fascists are more dangerous. Hitler was smart in the early 1930s as he gained power (he saved his stupid moves—declaring war on the United States for no reason, thinking he could win a two-front war—for later). He knew exactly what laws he was breaking, and how, and why.

 

Today’s Republicans aren’t that cunning. This idiot Ways and Means chairman—who, by the way, hates puppies; read this eye-popper—doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Comer has shown time and again that he’s a dope. Jordan, for all his seething self-righteousness, knows nothing about the Constitution (by the way, I recently referred to him as a lawyer; he did finish law school, but he never passed a bar exam, and that means he’s not actually a lawyer).

 

But all that doesn’t mean they can’t do damage. A clever trained assassin armed with a Beretta behind enemy lines can do one kind of damage. A blind man with a machete can do another kind. But it’s still damage. Especially when his motivation is to provide cover for a fascist candidate.

 

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Item two: Consequences, schmonsequences

A government shutdown looms. It seems inevitable. It probably always was inevitable, because the people orchestrating it, the “Freedom” Caucus, don’t want the government to work. They came to Washington to throw wrenches in the gears. So, in a perverse sort of way, at least they’re doing what they told their voters they would be doing.

 

The reporting on the shutdown has focused, more or less understandably, on the ticktock, behind-the-scenes developments. But shutdowns have consequences for the country and for people. The focus turns in that direction once the shutdown starts, but let’s get a little head start on that, just to fix our minds on how destructive these people are.

 

A press release from the White House hit my inbox Friday morning focused on the Small Business Administration. The very existence of the SBA puts the lie to this conservative idea that the economy is the great private sector pushing American innovators and entrepreneurs forward versus the hideous public sector trying to strangle them. The SBA generates billions in economic activity by giving loans to small businesses, both existing firms and those starting up. An outside study of said activity in fiscal year 2021, which came out earlier this year, found that a lot of good had been done: an economic output of $310 billion, value added to the gross domestic product of $185 billion, personal income near $98 billion, and 1.33 million jobs.

 

The SBA awarded around $163 billion in loans in fiscal year 2022. This means that during a shutdown, the SBA won’t be loaning small businesses about $100 million every day. Think of all the economic activity that would have been generated without these maniacs trying to stop “socialism.”

 

Here’s a good list from Reuters of many of the impacts of a shutdown. A lot of the people who’d be furloughed are regulators trying to enforce things like antitrust and securities laws. Small wonder these wackos don’t care.

 

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Item three: Start your Virginia Watch today 

This isn’t an election year in most places, but it is in Virginia. All 100 House of Delegates seats are up for grabs, along with all 40 state Senate seats. They’re closely divided at the moment: Democrats control the state Senate by 22–18, and Republicans control the lower house by a 51–46 margin.

 

Who cares? Well, maybe 20 years ago what happened in Virginia wasn’t of tremendous importance to the rest of the country, but these days we care about all these things, especially in a state that has trended blue in recent years. The other big reason to care? If Republicans hold the House and take the Senate, it may well embolden Glenn Youngkin to run for president.

 

Robert Costa has a piece in The Washington Post today that starts like this: “Some of the biggest Republican donors in the country will converge next month at the historic Cavalier Hotel in Virginia Beach for a two-day meeting to rally behind Gov. Glenn Youngkin.”

 

Most people I talk with about these things think that Youngkin, at least on paper, is a formidable GOP presidential candidate. He is extreme and ticks nearly every MAGA box, but he’s managed to erect a more palatable facade. He’s affable and not weird-looking like the scowling Ron DeSantis. He wears zip-up vests. (That’s supposed to be homey, like your neighbor.) He could carry a state Democrats have come to rely on. A lot of Democrats worry about him.

 

Two caveats. One, all the above is on paper. Who knows how good a national candidate he’d be. He really basically won because Terry McAuliffe said one stupid thing in a debate. Two, it’s far from obvious, even with the backing of big donors, that he could beat Donald Trump in a primary. It seems unlikely. But I would not call it impossible.

 

The way to never have to find these things out, of course, is for Democrats to hold their state Senate majority. Only a GOP sweep would justify his candidacy. So keep an eye on the Virginia state Senate elections.

 

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Quiz time!

Last week’s quiz: Mamma Mia! No, it’s not about Abba. We’re talking Italian cuisine.
 

1. What is the etymological root of the word pasta?

A. Greek for “dough”

B. Arabic for “bread”

C. Persian for “filling”

D. Latin for “paste”

Answer: D, Latin for “paste,” of the sort one gets when mixing water and flour, capisce?

2. Match these pasta types to their descriptions.

Bucatini

Orecchiette

Ditalini

Mafaldine

Long and narrow with ruffled edges

Long and thick, hollow inside

Shaped like small bowls or little ears

Small, short tubes with no grooves

Answer: Bucatini, hollow inside; orecchiette, little ears; ditalini, small, short tubes; mafaldine, ruffled edges. It’s one of life’s wonders, the endless varieties of pasta.

3. In Caravaggio’s Still Life With Fruit on a Stone Ledge (circa 1610), which of the following fruits is not depicted?

A. Watermelon

B. Figs

C. Papaya

D. Grapes

Answer: C, papaya. Gettable because the papaya is a Western hemispheric fruit. It may or may not have been introduced to Italy by the time of Caravaggio’s life (the tomato, also from our hemisphere, was). But either way, it was still a tip-off.

4. Parmigiano Reggiano cheese is made pretty much the same way today that it’s been made for centuries. Authentic Parmigiano Reggiano can come from only two regions, Parma and Reggio-Emilia, and it is formed into large wheels. How much does a typical wheel of this cheese weigh?

A. 24 pounds

B. 48 pounds

C. 72 pounds

D. 100 pounds

Answer: C, 72 pounds. Not an easy one, but they’re awfully big, so it maybe wasn’t that hard.

5. Match the sauce to the region with which it is associated.

Alfredo

Pesto

Carbonara

Marinara

Campania

Lazio

Emilia-Romagna

Liguria

Answer: Alfredo, Emilia-Romagna (north central); pesto, Liguria (Italian Riviera); carbonara, Lazio (Rome, western coast); marinara, Campania (Naples, Amalfi coast)

6. What is the oldest Italian restaurant in the U.S.?

A. Fior D’Italia, San Francisco

B. Rao’s, New York

C. Maria Aloise’s, Bayonne, New Jersey

D. Nonna Lucia’s, Providence

Answer: A, Fior D’Italia in San Francisco. Dating to 1886. A bit of a surprise. Here’s the dinner menu.

 

This week’s quiz: Rubber Sole: a brief history of the tennis shoe. Or sneaker. Or, if you’re speaking Ghanian English, the camboo.
 

1. The first basketball shoes in America were designed in 1907 by what company?

A. Spalding

B. Wilson

C. Dunlop

D. Sears & Roebuck

2. In 1921, this basketball player was hired as a salesman for the Converse Shoe Company, whose All-Star sneakers still bear his name.

A. George Mikan

B. Bob Cousy

C. Chuck Taylor

D. Meadowlark Lemon

3. Converse was a popular brand for American kids in the postwar era. But there was one brand that was extremely popular among U.S. Cold War–era tykes, advertised as the shoe “with the magic wedge that helps you run your fastest and jump your highest.” What was this brand?

A. Hush Puppies

B. P.F. Flyers

C. Keds

D. Nubucks

4. Puma made a well-known basketball shoe in the 1970s (and still makes it) whose most popular version was suede and came in various colors (perhaps most famously navy blue) with a greyish-white Puma stripe. What was the name of this model, and after what NBA star was it named?

A. The Russ, after Bill Russell

B. The Clyde, after Walt “Clyde” Frazier

C. The Pistol, after “Pistol” Pete Maravich

D. The Zeke, after Jerry West (“Zeke from Cabin Creek”)

5. Rank these brands in terms of worldwide sales in 2022: Asics, Skechers, Nike, Under Armor, Puma, Adidas, Converse

6. As I type these words and search the web, what is the going price of the Nike Air Barrage Mid, University Red (Chicago Bulls), AT-7847, men’s size 10, at KicksCrew.com?

A. $279

B. $447

C. $621

D. $1,089

I sold sneakers as a teen. I still remember how cool it was to have my first pair of Adidas Superstars. And judging from my daughter’s experience, the right shoes are even more important today. Answers next week. Feedback to fightingwords@tnr.com.

 

—Michael Tomasky, editor 

 
 

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