Is It Possible To Love The Unlovely? It was a warm August Sunday, the quietest time here in New York. Many who can, leave town. Temperature is in the high 80's but thankfully it was less humid. Aaliyah and I were strolling through the beautiful rose garden outside the church with our dog, King Kong who loves the fresh air just like me. I suddenly noticed Kate sitting at a bench on the sidewalk and looking down at the cobblestone walkway. She appeared deep in thought. When we greeted her she was startled, but looked up and smiled. After exchanging pleasantries without any lead-in she asked me, "Bob is it possible to love someone whom you also hate?"
It was my turn to be startled. I knew the question was born out of years of pain, hurt and anger. She has been facing marital disharmony for a long time now. Anger held inside for a long time becomes hate. It deserved a thoughtful answer and I invited her to our place for dinner that evening. She agreed and Aaliyah and I continued our stroll. The question she asked did not go away. Later, as we drove home, we discussed it. We reflected on our early days which were like aroller-coaster ride and remembered that we often experienced feelings of hate. We condemned each other and hurt each other. So what made the difference for us?
It was the mutual choice to opt for love. We broke the pattern of demanding, expecting and criticizing as that would have destroyed the affection we had for each other. We started making decisions without ruining our unity. We started giving constructive suggestions rather than demanding from the other person. Read More |
