Netflix trailer:
bit.ly/3pWVF6A Are you watching this? People are so out of touch with themselves!
We were watching "Rough Diamonds," but then it became too predictable, so we switched to the movie "Hunger," a Thai film, which a reader recommended. Don't. Because it too is predictable. The ride was okay, albeit slow, but then you knew exactly where it was going, at least Felice did, she watches a lot of TV, she's an expert.
So...
We dug into "Jewish Matchmaking." I wanted a bit of reality. Something visceral. "Indian Matchmaking" was great, so maybe this would be too.
However, Felice is not Jewish, so I was anxious about watching it together, however her previous husband was Jewish, but... I'm not saying there's a problem with mixed marriages/relationships, just that Jews have their own identities. As I said when I was at Middlebury... A Jewish girl always has something to say, you may not want to hear it, but they're very verbal. Having said that, I haven't gone out with a Jewish girl since high school. Maybe because it's too overwhelming. There ends up being little room for me. And Jewish girls want attention/focus. And I can't deliver 24/7, I guess I'm just too into my job.
And speaking of jobs, Jewish girls want someone rich who comes home at a decent hour, doesn't work on the weekends, will accompany them to parties... But the kind of person who is rich/makes money is not the kind of person that is anywhere near that available. They made the cash by working very hard, it's a jungle out there I tell you, you can't have it both ways.
So if you get to the point where you're hiring a matchmaker...
There are so many options before this. Like the setup. Whatever you do guys, don't let a woman set you up. All their friends are beautiful, a catch. Listen to the guys, they'll give you a much better assessment. Or, you can drill the women...and then you find the cracks in their recommendation.
Also, I saw a TikTok video that said the number one thing a woman was looking for in a man was the desire to get married. That's scary to me. But maybe there are men who feel that way.
Then it made me wonder if I ever had the desire to get married.
So the matchmaker, Aleeza, is from Philadelphia, but she now lives in Israel with the husband she met at a singles weekend. This used to be a thing before dating apps. You'd see them advertised by hotels like the Concord. But the only thing you had in common with everybody else was that you were single, which is just not enough.
But Aleeza, who has become more observant over the years, meaning she follows more Jewish traditions, is pretty reasonable. But her clients!
So, Tinder is if you want to get laid. The Jewish equivalent is JSwipe. Rumor is you can't form a real relationship with someone you meet on one of these two apps, but my nephew did, so there's the exception, there are exceptions to every rule.
And then there are the dating apps.
The number one thing is your profile. Don't be generic, say you love sunsets and long walks on the beach. And don't include anybody else in your pictures, even pets. It's about you. Your profile is about showing your personality, and it's got to have hooks, that make people want to know more. The number one expert on this is Logan Ury, I did a podcast with her. You can read her book, "How to Not Die Alone":
amzn.to/3BEEoS7 I highly recommend it, it's an easy read, and there is so much wisdom. Like there are people you date and people you marry, you've got to know this.
Of course that sounds obvious, but Harmonie, who lives in L.A., is forty four years old and unmarried. And delusional. She's convinced she can still have a baby. Odds are long. Don't kill the messenger, look at the statistics. And...if you're focusing on your career, if you're taking your time finding a partner, freeze your eggs. That's a perk working at Google, where Logan's husband is employed. The point is you don't want to feel the pressure, you don't want to make a mistake in marriage, which is the number one choice you will make in your life. I learned that from David Brooks, who then got divorced himself, proving that ultimately you should listen to nobody but yourself.
So Aleeza has a number of rules. Keep dating until you reach a firm no.
And Harmonie is dating this guy who looks unappealing, but the longer he talks...
But Harmonie wants a flashy bad boy, no wonder she's not married.
Then there's thirty year old Ori... He's got a list of requirements an arm long, but he still lives with his parents. Imagine going on a date with him, if I heard this I'd say no immediately. I mean come on.
And everybody is so convinced that they're a winner, that they deserve love, their heart's desire. Even when they have miles on them, experience.
And I found it shocking.
First and foremost, it made me never want to be single again, certainly not at that age. These are the people in the dating field? No wonder it's so difficult to find someone. And you have to know yourself before you can know anybody else. And both Logan and the news say it's now a badge of honor in the dating world to be in therapy. I mean who wants to date someone who's done no work on themselves? And if you don't think you need therapy, it proves the point.
And you don't have to be Jewish to love "Jewish Matchmaking," just like Levy's rye bread. But you have to be a boomer from the east cost to get that reference. Which is why I don't understand how old guys can date young women, they don't get the references, and connection is everything. But the truth is most men who date young women...want to control them. Or show them off, not realizing nobody cares, that ultimately everybody just cares about themselves.
And if I'm listing one marriage requirement, it's commitment. It's key. Far beyond sex, even money. Because relationships, never mind marriage, is hard. And if someone is not willing to put in the work, to stay in the relationship when things are difficult, it's not going to last.
Oh, you're gonna argue, if you're not that just means someone isn't revealing their truth, hopefully they will before they exit.
You're not going to agree on everything. You won't necessarily like the same things. Furthermore, I come from the Paula Abdul school of relationships, as in opposites attract. How many even get that reference? You think you want someone just like you, but you don't.
And there are people who are attractive in certain ways, but fall down completely in others. Like they can't manage their money. Don't live up to commitments. It's the little things that make a relationship work, not the big ones.
Not that the big ones are not important.
Of course reality TV is not complete reality. It's edited. But in this case, all the daters look right at the camera and say exactly what they want. I don't think they can complain that they are not portrayed accurately, in three dimensions, then again, some are two-dimensional.
Also, watching I realized what these people want I don't. I never dreamed of having a 9-5 job and a house in the suburbs with a bunch of kids. Never ever. Not my priority. Sounds like death to me. I guess I'm too busy trying to put a dent in the universe, I've got to be with someone who understands that, how it's primary.
And don't get the wrong idea since the show has "Jewish" in the title. Don't think black clothing, fur hats... These people look just like you and me.
We've only watched two episodes. But I'm not sure anybody could ruin this show for me. Because like most of these productions it's about the process, because the participants can't reach the goal. Which is why they're on these shows in the first place, because they can't get what they want.
If you try you get what you need, but to these people needs are subsidiary to wants, and that's where they've got it wrong. Focus on needs. And needs are different from what you think they are. You don't need someone beautiful, you don't need someone rich, but you do need someone who gets you, who'll be there for you, who will stand by you, and also call you on your sh*t.
This is life. This is most people.
And it's horrifying.
At least it was for me!
--
Visit the archive:
lefsetz.com/wordpress/ --
Listen to the podcast:
-iHeart:
ihr.fm/2Gi5PFj -Apple:
apple.co/2ndmpvp --
www.twitter.com/lefsetz --
If you would like to subscribe to the LefsetzLetter,
www.lefsetz.com/lists/?p=subscribe&id=1 If you do not want to receive any more LefsetzLetters,
Unsubscribe To change your email address
this link 