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Letter from the Editor Dear Reader, “I ain’t hidin’ from nobody, ain’t nobody hidin’ from me.” – J.J. Cale
Anyone who knows me well knows I love the song that line is from, “Call Me the Breeze.” I even had a vanity license plate years ago that read MRBREEZ.
But it wasn’t the truth. I was hiding every single minute – from myself, from the people who loved me, from the public. The truth was, NO ONE knew me that well.
I am a son, father, friend, journalist, editor. And I identify as a bisexual man.
For roughly 50 years, I embraced that first list of roles, and walled off that last one. Burying something so fundamental means that every thought, action and interaction that comes after that cannot be a true outcome. For me, or the people in my life.
June is LGBTQ+ Pride Month. It’s a celebration of all of us who don’t fit “traditional” societal, gender, relationship or sexual identification norms, as well as recognition that all people deserve equal opportunities and protection from discrimination. It’s a rainbow that is adding more colors as society becomes more progressive, and that’s a good thing.
Still, we have a long way to go. Not just with laws and policies and tolerance, but inside the people who are reluctant or fearful to be who they were born to be. Trust me, I know: Accepting and being who I am is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
My first awareness that I was not alone in that struggle occurred at a bisexual support group meeting: Among the two dozen people sharing stories, many said they had come out to coworkers and friends, but not to family. Many others had come out to family, but not acquaintances. Some told no one. Only a few openly lived their orientation – everyone else hedged their fears of loss, of judgment, of unforeseen consequences.
I hurt people by not being honest, and regret that. But No. 1 on that list is me. I have learned that through the courageous people I’ve met in those support group meetings and at Al-Anon, and through a lot of hard work with a patient but persistent therapist.
I’ve also learned through bisexual support groups that no two people have the same explanation of why they identify as bi, or how they choose to represent that in their day-to-day lives. But all of us were there because it’s still hard to live openly in mainstream society.
Over the past few years, I’ve slowly gained confidence by telling my family members and close friends, and then finding out they accept and love me for who I am. Unconditionally.
I now realize that people appreciate and respond to honesty, rather than a carefully maintained persona. Truth in, truth out.
Some of you may feel hearing my truth is TMI, irrelevant or perhaps even offensive. If so, I’d only ask that you think about why you feel that way – about how me living openly changes your reality, your choices or your perceptions of me or my work.
On the other hand, I’ll be humbled and gratified if this comforts anyone, empowers anyone, motivates any of you to show your true colors. If you have any doubts, I can only say my biggest regret at this moment is that I lived far too long afraid, in the shadows.
Going forward, I hope being a bisexual man won’t mean anything more – or less – than being a white journalist, a 60-year-old dad, a music-loving Cancer, a tennis-playing omnivore. The words that describe the whole of me won’t be the point. Not hiding any of them will mean everything.
### John Hiner is the vice president of content for MLive Media Group. If you have questions you’d like him to answer, or topics to explore, share your thoughts at editor@mlive.com.
Editor's note: I value your feedback to my columns, story tips and your suggestions on how to improve our coverage. Let me know how MLive helps you, and how we can do better. Please feel free to reach out by emailing me at editor@mlive.com.
John Hiner Executive Editor Vice President of Content Mlive Media Group
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