Dear Friends,
Today my course author interview is with champion gymnast Dan Millman. Dan is so much more than a former world champion athlete. He has given lectures and workshops all over the world ever since his first book, Way of the Peaceful Warrior, was released in 1980. I was fortunate to have lunch with Dan several years ago, and I found him to be a lovely person, somebody that really walks his talk. I'm talking with Dan today about his DailyOM course, Master the Path of the Peaceful Warrior. I hope you enjoy this interview.
Madisyn: In lesson one, "Discover Your Worth," you show how to avoid self-sabotaging behavior, and you recommend responding to opportunities with "Yes, thank you!" I was tickled to read this because this attitude has had a huge effect on me. When I got out of my own way and started saying "yes" to everything, my whole world opened up. Tell me about your experience with this simple but powerful shift.
Dan: The very first lesson in the course helps us avoid self-sabotage, get out of our own way, and open up to life's opportunities. We do this by recognizing our innate worth as a human being and enhancing our sense of deservedness. If we don't feel deserving of life's blessings, we end up sabotaging ourselves. As Ramakrishna put it, "An ocean of blessings may rain down from the heavens, but if we're only holding up a thimble, that's all we receive." Which is why I encourage my students to tape a note to their bathroom mirror that says, "How good can I stand it today?" And I also encourage people, in any situation where they might not feel deserving, and might reject opportunity, to instead open their arms and say, "Yes! Thank you!" The point is, we can't wait to feel worthy—feelings change all the time. But we can, as a physical practice, treat ourselves as worthy and act accordingly. No more thimbles; instead, fill a big mug or sink or swimming pool with blessings. A simple, but not easy, practice that can, as you said, Madisyn, open up our world.
MT: I like what you say about the difference between stress and tension in lesson three. Can you explain more about this distinction?
DM: What we refer to as stress is not an actual thing—that is, we can't place it on a table or dissect it. Rather, it's an abstract idea we apply in situations that tend to inhibit our breathing and tense our muscles. I often remind my students that all they have to do to avoid stress is to not care about anything. But that's not the best approach since most of us do care, sometimes passionately, about certain people, places, and activities. We have goals that may get delayed. We have time deadlines and appointments. People can be difficult to work with at times. So stress is a part of everyday life, not only so-called bad events but even positive events like weddings, family gatherings, and parties may involve some level of stress. So truly, there's no way of completely eliminating stressful situations or people. Life comes at us in waves of change that we can't predict or control, but we can learn to surf those waves. And that is why I point out—in response to statements about how stress is bad for us—that it's not the stress that hurts us, but the neuromuscular tension that usually accompanies stressful moments. What we can do in any such stressful situation—which is under our control—is to take a deep breath then let it go, and gently shake off any tension. We can learn to face stressful situations while breathing easily and deeply, and relaxing the body.
MT: You dedicate a lesson to "Facing Your Fears," which is a personal favorite of mine. Fear of public speaking had such a grip on me that I refused to do it for years. Eventually, I realized I wasn't scared of the speaking or even the public; I was scared of my reaction to the feeling of fear. In this lesson, I love the story you give about your friend who accomplished his task but still felt like he was a failure because he felt fear while doing it. Please share that story.
DM: My friend was convinced that he was some sort of coward because certain situations frightened him. I challenged him to complete an element in a high ropes course where he would climb a vertical log, like the old telephone poles, about 30 feet high, then somehow get to his feet on the top, balance there for a few moments, then turn around to face a trapeze bar about six feet away, then leap from the pole and grab the trapeze bar. This exercise is entirely safe since he was protected by a safety harness and by two ropes that can hold him safely aloft, but it's quite a frightening exercise! He dropped by the next day and told me he had failed miserably. I asked him, "Couldn't you climb up the pole?" "Oh, yes," he said, "I climbed all the way up." "Ah, but you weren't able to stand on the top, right?" "Sure," he answered. "I got up to the top." "Well then, did you freeze up and not leap out to grab the trapeze?" "No, I grabbed the trapeze just fine." "I'm missing something," I said. "Why do you say you failed the test?" "Oh, he said, "because I was scared the whole time!" Success to him meant feeling fearless, but that's not realistic. He had misunderstood what it meant to show courage. As Cus D'Amato once said, "Heroes and cowards feel exactly the same fear. They just respond differently."
MT: Can you tell us something about your personal journey to discovering the 12 gateways in this course, and about which one you find the hardest to practice?
DM: I was on an author tour, giving talks on one of my books featuring a life-purpose system to radically increase our self-knowledge (and sense of humor about ourselves and others). But I wanted my audiences to understand that the topic in that book was not the whole of my work, but just one facet—illuminating our shadow, so to speak. I asked myself the question: "What is the bigger picture? What key topics comprise the entire arena of what we call 'personal growth' or 'personal development'?" And when I ask the right question, answers come—in that case, almost immediately. I sat down and began to write down the 12 areas of personal growth. All 12 lessons explore equally important topics (required courses in the school of life), but the first three—"Discover Your Worth," "Reclaim Your Will," and "Energize Your Body"—provide a foundation for all that follows. As to which of the 12 gateways I find the hardest to practice, the most realistic response I can offer is that life is a series of moments—intelligent moments, dumb moments, happy moments, sad moments—changing moments for each and all of us. In some moments I face new challenges in the second lesson, energizing my body. In other moments it might involve the fourth lesson, managing my money, or the eighth lesson, illuminating my shadow—bringing new insight and self-knowledge. So my life, perhaps like anyone's, is like a game of whack-a-mole where one issue rises up, then another. Our lives are a process of refinement, founded on mindful effort over time.
MT: I love how you answer people when they ask if you have mastered all 12 of these gateways. Please share with my readers how you respond to this question.
DM: It's a fair question that deserves a candid response. In answer, I can say that I have not mastered all 12 of these gateways, or courses, in life's curriculum. But I am sincerely practicing and will continue to do so my whole life. So there you have it: I'm not a perfect example of what I teach. However, I am a good example. If I weren't actively practicing and improving in each of the 12 topics, then I'd have no business talking or writing about them. Sincere practice is all I can ask of anyone, all that I can ask of myself.
MT: Let's talk about service work and why you live your life in service. I feel an internal pull that leaves me no other choice. It comes from a deep place, and I can't imagine not doing this work. What is it like for you?
DM: Even as we discover our worth, reclaim our will, energize our body, manage our money, tame our mind, and all the rest, the twelfth gateway, "Serve Your World," completes the circle of a life well lived. Just so, serving others is a way to connect with so-called other people and find meaning and purpose. I know a woman who is a multimillionaire and doesn't need to earn money. Yet she works in a bookstore because it gives her a sense of purpose, helping others find books they'd like to read. This is one of many examples of the meaning we derive in simple service. Maybe it's not entirely a coincidence that in my first book, Way of the Peaceful Warrior, my old mentor, the man I called Socrates, worked in a service station. . . .
In one of my favorite films, Groundhog Day—a spiritual film disguised as a funny romantic comedy—a self-centered weatherman, Phil Connors, lives the same day, repeated (perhaps thousands of times). At first he exploits what he learns, stealing and manipulating, until he finally tires of that and grows depressed. He kills himself again and again, but cannot die. He wakes up at precisely 6 a.m. to begin another day, the same as the one before. Only he changes. He begins to learn and learn and learn. Finally, Phil realizes the end point of human evolution—to serve others in an active recognition of our unity.
It comes to this: Even more than happiness, I believe we humans have a deeper quest for meaning: to know our lives count for something and a sense of purpose and connection with ourselves, with others, and with Spirit. A service-oriented attitude is the golden key to what we may become.
Most of our lives are spent, in one form or another, in the pursuit of happiness. And we find it, too, in temporary forms - a new experience, relationship, purchase. Yet a lasting sense of fulfillment and satisfaction may continue to elude us as we learn what doesn't make us happy. Still, the dreams persist: "If only I'd gotten a college (or graduate) degree. . . if only I had a soul-mate, or a better relationship (or career) . . . if only I'd had children . . . if only I hadn't had children . . . if only I made more money or had a nicer home . . . if only I traveled more. . ." But even if we get those things, we continue to search. Here is the course, and now is the time, to stretch your soul and strengthen your spirit with international bestselling author, and master coach, Dan Millman! This course provides a map of the path to authentic and lasting fulfillment. You will learn that there is nothing you have to add to your life, but rather, it involves removing unseen obstructions you have faced in twelve different areas of life. And you will learn how to overcome each of these obstructions to experience genuine happiness.
Starting today, you will receive a new lesson every week for 12 weeks (total of 12 lessons). Each lesson is yours to keep and you'll be able to refer back to it whenever you want. And if you miss a lesson or are too busy to get to it that day, each lesson will conveniently remain in your account so you won't have to search for it when you're ready to get back to it.
We are offering this course with the option of selecting how much you want to pay. No matter how much you pay, you'll be getting the same course as everybody else. We simply trust that people are honest and will support the author of the course with whatever they can afford. And if you are not 100% satisfied, we will refund your money.
Thank you, Dan, for taking the time to be with us today.
It is becoming more and more rare these days to find honesty from those in the public eye, and it makes me respect him even more for laying it bare. Dan is very inspiring and a true role model for us all. Until next time.
Be well,
Madisyn Taylor
Cofounder, Editor-in-Chief
DailyOM
